


That's all I need to know.

by Rosemary_and_Time



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Spoilers will be warned in chapter notes, inspired by streams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:08:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 48,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28118952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosemary_and_Time/pseuds/Rosemary_and_Time
Summary: “Techno’s okay, Tommy’s okay.  That’s all I need to know.  I can go back happy now.”Raising four boys was never easy, but Philza always knew what was most important.Quote from December 16th
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Phil Watson, Dave | Technoblade & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Dave | Technoblade & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Dave | Technoblade & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit, Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot, Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Family - Relationship, No Romantic Relationship(s), Sleepybios inc, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 285
Kudos: 894





	1. Two is a challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza has two children.   
> Well, two for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing spoilerish at all!   
> Family.
> 
> TW: Some blood very mild injury

Dinner was almost ready. The blond man mildly glanced out the window as he arranged plates on an oaken table. The evening was darkening, but the kids knew better than to stray too far. The area around the cottage was brightly lit, the 26 year-old knew he had made it safe for his boys. 

That’s why the sudden scream of fear and pain was so unexpected, and so alarming.

In an instant he was out the door, enchanted sword in hand, blue eyes wide and scanning for the two children.

The sword dropped to the dirt with a thud moments later. He rushed to the kids, one arm wrapping around the piglin child and attempting to pull him away from his brother. 

“Techno! Let go!” Philza half-shouted the command, but his son’s russet eyes were fixated, redder in color than Phil had ever seen before. The young piglin’s mouth was clamped around his brother’s arm, small tusks piecing into the skin. The skinny brunette wailed miserably, squirming and kicking, making Philza’s task even more difficult. Techno continued to twist his head, knees pinning the other 12-year-old to the ground.

Philza knew that trying to tear the boys apart or pry open Techno’s mouth would only hurt both of them more. So, he took a deep breath…

“Tech? Listen, you there son?” He adjusted his grip on the boy, getting down next to him while still making sure he couldn’t hurt his brother further. Wilbur whimpered and cried from where he lay, stuck on his back. Phil gave him a gentle look as he ran his fingers through the piglins spiky pink hair. 

“Just a moment, Wil, it’ll be okay.” Phil focused on keeping his voice level and calm. Wilbur’s brown eyes were filled with pain and fear, but he stopped struggling as much. 

“Come on Techno, you’re safe. I’m right here.” His son tensed in his arms somewhat, muscles growing taut.

“You need to let go Tech, you’re hurting Wil. You can do it.” Philza knew the exact moment his son was back with him. The boy shoved himself away from Wilbur and started trembling uncontrollably. Philza clutched him to his chest, reaching his free hand out towards the prone boy on the ground. Wilbur took it gently, letting himself get pulled to his feet. 

Philza managed to scoop both of them up in his arms, carrying them into the house, dinner long forgotten. He set each of them on one end of the couch, pulling a first aid kit from a drawer and moving to Wilbur.

“Let me see.” Wilbur willingly held out his arm, still sobbing quietly. The bite wasn’t too bad, mostly deep where the other boys bottom tusks had dug in. It was bleeding enough to warrant some heavy potion use though. Philza gently treated the injury with healing potions, watching the smaller cuts knit themselves back together. The larger punctures needed to be coated in regen and bandaged, but Wilbur only whined a little, letting his father apply the numbing agent.

“There, better?” Wilbur nodded, wrapping his arms around himself. 

Philza turned his attention to his other son. Technoblade was staring at both of them with wide eyes, his whole body shook violently. The normally stoic kid was absolutely horrified. 

Crossing the room Philza retrieved his sons’ favorite comfort items from the chest near the fireplace. He gently wrapped Techno’s shoulders in a red blanket with white fringe, it looked almost like a robe on the small boy. He also handed Techno a thin circle of gold, the piglin put it on his head immediately like a crown. He visibly calmed somewhat. 

“Alright, Wil, can you tell me what happened?” Philza sat in the center of the couch, offering the small stringed instrument to his other son. The boy grabbed it and scooted closer, strumming the stings and humming a little before responding.

“Yeah, Techno and I were just playing around dad. We were uh, playing on top of the sand pile, pushing each other off you know?” Wilbur sniffed and snuggled closer, fingers lightly plucking the strum stick’s strings. “Then I was winning, and I pushed Techno over and he bit me!” Wilbur looked at his brother from the corner of his eyes. “Then you came out.”

Philza nodded gently, wrapping an arm around the brunette child. 

“Techno?” The piglin flinched when his name was called, hands fidgeting restlessly with the fringe of the blanket. His eyes were fixed downwards. 

“I want to hear your side of things son. If you’re not ready we can do it later, but I just want to know what happened okay?” Philza let the silence rest for a moment. Eventually, the piglin grunted, his voice shaky despite its deepness. 

“Like Wilbur said, we were playing king of the hill.” Techno tensed himself and looked up at Phil pleadingly. “He knocked me over and for a minute he was on top of me and…” Philza gently reached out and pulled Techno closer, rubbing his shoulder to soothe him. 

“I just—I got scared! I felt uhh… like I couldn’t do anything. Like I wasn’t… strong.” The boy pulled away slightly, leaning forward to see Wilbur around Philza’s body. “It was like I… I couldn’t control myself! I didn’t want to hurt him I really didn’t! I really wanted to stop I’m sorry!” Techno broke down into sobs, uncharacteristically emotional. 

“I’m sorry Wil.” 

Philza ruminated for a moment while he calmed his sons down. This was hardly Techno’s fault, or Wilbur’s. Never a dull moment. 

“We’re going to be okay.” Philza spoke up ruffling both kids’ hair. “Techno, tomorrow I’m going to start teaching you some sword fighting. You too Wil, if you want.” 

“What?” The piglin sniffled and tilted his head. 

“We’re going to practice dealing with feeling helpless, and also make sure you don’t feel that way as often, okay?” Techno seemed to contemplate for a moment, before baring more of his tusks in a slight smile.

“Okay!”

“Let’s not wrestle much anymore, we don’t want to make things hard on Techno, sound good Wil?” Wilbur nodded vehemently, tears dried. 

As Philza stood to bring them their, now colder, dinner, he heard them speak up quietly. 

“I’m really, really sorry Wil.”

“I forgive you Tech.”

Philza returned and settled down on the couch next to them as they happily squabbled, previous fear all but forgotten. 

Wilbur’s okay

Techno’s okay

That’s all he needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come soon!


	2. Three is a handful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is here!  
> Philza doesn't get a moment of peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing spoiler at all, family stuffs
> 
> TW: Injury, Violence, blood, anxiety, some slight disassociation

Philza ran his hands through his blond hair in exasperation, vaguely noting that he would need to cut it soon. 

“I’m going to beat you Blade!” The 8-year-old sprinted around the living room, swinging a—

“Tommy? What do you have?” Tommy only stopped sprinting after his piglin brother long enough to answer with an impish grin.

“A Knife!!”

“NO!” Philza crossed the room as quickly as he could, sweeping the lanky blond into his arms and disarming him. “Where did you even get that?”

“It’s my vlog knife! Give it back!” Philza changed the indignation in the child’s voice to giggles as he flipped him upside down across his shoulder, carrying him like a sack of potatoes. 

“When you’re older. Seriously, how did you hide that this long?” Philza roughhoused with the blond for a bit, mostly to give Techno a break. Ever since they had taken in Tommy 5 or 6 months ago the boy was infatuated with his older brother, constantly following him around and trying to emulate him. Much to Techno’s displeasure. 

Sure enough, Tommy was out the door immediately, running towards Techno’s training grounds happily. Philza groaned, but Wilbur hopped up from the table and waved him back.

“It’s fine dad, I’ll go make sure Tommy doesn’t get his head chopped off by Techno.” The fourteen-year-old smiled gently, making a shooing motion with his hands. Philza cracked a grin.

“All right son, but feel free to bring him back here if he gets too much for you, I know the little gremlin is a lot to handle.” Wilbur smiled and shouted something unkind about his little brother, Phil chose to ignore it, knowing his boys loved each other as oft as they fought to admit it. Tommy had been wandering the streets of a nearby town, a little thieving child at such a young age. Philza was happy to take him in.

He was very relieved to have a respite from their nonsense though, the time was well spent doing chores around the house and garden. It was truly getting dark out when Philza decided it was time to get his sons back inside. He casually followed the well-lit path towards the training grounds, hand lightly resting on his bow in case of any early hostile mobs around. 

Philza felt a growing anxiety when he reached the training field and found it empty. Everything looked as it should be… but the three boys were nowhere in sight. 

“Wil! Techno! Tommy?” Philza called out loudly, unafraid of any mobs he might alert. He listened carefully. Nothing. 

“Wilbur?! Tommy?! Techno?!” He called his sons’ names again, desperation tinging his tone. Where were they? They could be hurt or—

“Dad!” The voice was faint, but Philza was in a sprint before the sound had left the air. He ran into the nearby woods, shouting out again for his kids.

“Dad!!” The sound was closer now, unmistakably Wilbur’s and undeniably pained. As he drew nearer, other sounds could be heard in the darkness, hostile mobs roamed any unlit area they could. 

Philza drew his sword and sliced cleanly through a charging zombie, mentally begging his son to call out again. 

“Dad!” There! There was a gap between some trees and—

“Wilbur?” Philza leaned down, lighting a torch and tossing it into the small hole. As it fell he saw an illuminated scene. Wilbur was sitting tucked against a cave wall, Tommy clutched protectively to his chest. In front of them facing into the tunnel was Technoblade, fighting off half a dozen mobs at once. Philza didn’t hesitate to leap into the fray in defense of his children. 

After a few minutes of frantic fighting and several torches later, Phil felt safe enough to get a good look at his kids. 

Techno was still tense and staring out into the, now lit, tunnel. His sword was held in definitive combat stance and he was absolutely covered in blood and bone bits. Philza was fairly certain most of it wasn’t his, but he still checked in. 

“Tech, you with me?” In the half-light Philza couldn’t see his son’s eyes clearly enough to determine if he was in a blood rush, but Techno nodded and straightened the ring of gold on his head. 

“Alright, let me know if any mobs pop out over there.” Phil turned towards Tommy and Wilbur, the blond was squirming and whining, clearly making the job of holding him near impossible, but Wilbur managed to cling to him anyway. The brunette’s face was white and his teeth were clenched. Philza saw why in a moment. 

“Oh Wil…” Philza gently took his son’s lower leg in his hand, laying it flat on the ground. The calf had the rear half of a rough arrow sticking out. Blood dripped from the wound and splattered on the stone floor of the cave.

“Yeah. I tried to run away with Tommy but…” Wilbur winced heavily, obviously fighting back tears. 

“Tommy?” The blond finally wiggled free, tossing himself at Philza and biting his lip, blue eyes wide with pain. 

“He fell, I think his arm is broken, though he’s still riding high on adrenaline.” Wilbur was right, Tommy’s forearm was swelling significantly and bulging wrongly. The kid cradled it to his own chest, refusing to let Phil get a good look at it. 

“Let’s go home.” Technoblade protected them as Philza built a makeshift stairway up to the surface. He carried the boys up one at a time, then started walking them home. After getting to the surface Tommy refused to let go of Wil’s hand, not even relenting to let Philza carry him. They hobbled along, eventually reaching the safely lighted areas.

By the time they reached the house Wilbur was being mostly carried by Philza, the fourteen-year-old was semi-conscious from pain. He laid him back on the couch carefully, propping his leg up and fetching all the first aid supplies he would need to treat his sons. Techno stood by the door, sword still in hand. 

“Techno, sit down before you pass out.” Stiffly the piglin followed Philza’s directions, passively finding a seat. When Phil turned his attention back to Wilbur, he couldn’t help but faintly smile. Tommy had jumped up on the couch next to him, tucked into his side as tightly as he could manage. The blonde’s own arm was still cradled to his chest, but he bravely clutched Wilbur’s hand with his good hand.

“Wilbur, drink this, I’ll help with the pain.” Wilbur accepted the drink Philza pushed to his lips, swallowing it tastelessly. The older man laid some towels on the floor and around the arrow, preparing himself for what he had to do. He grabbed a couple chicken feathers out of the first aid kit, finding two with hollow tips previously cut off. 

“Alright Wil, this is going to hurt but it’ll be much better than just pulling the arrow out.” Philza gently offered his son a rag to bite down on, Wilbur accepted it without acknowledgement. 

“Techno, help me keep him still. Tommy… you want to go over there?” Philza looked at Tommy and tried to encourage him to leave the room. The small boy stubbornly refused, clinging to Wilbur. Techno slowly walked over, leaning down and holding his brother’s shoulders firmly.

As soon as Wilbur was still Philza started, he needed to probe the wound until he found the barbs of the arrowhead, then he could cap them with the quills and pull the arrow out. If he didn’t do it this way, well, the arrow would cause a lot of damage being ripped out. 

Wilbur tensed and started whimpering as soon as Philza started fussing with the wound. Philza kept up a steady stream of encouragements. After a few moments Wilbur started squirming and fighting to pull his leg away, Philza leaned on it heavily. He tried to focus, tried to keep working. He blinked away tears as he did so. His heart ached desperately with the knowledge that he was causing his son pain. He couldn’t bear to—

“Hold!” Philza’s shout at Techno was the only warning before he swiftly removed the arrow in one quick motion. Wilbur screeched around the rag, before limply keeling over. Techno, gently laid him back and Tommy cuddled closer when Wilbur fell unconscious. Philza focused on putting pressure to the wound, stopping the bleeding, and stitching it up. 

The labor was done soon after. 

Next. 

Philza kneeled in front of Tommy, gently holding out a hand for his arm. The small blond shrunk into Wil’s side, injured arm pulled to his own chest protectively. Philza sighed, of course. He was stressed and scared, old habits would return. 

When Tommy had first come to them, he refused to show any weakness. He had scrapped his arm up and Philza just had to watch it bleed for several days, the boy stubbornly wouldn’t let him so much as touch it. Things had gotten a lot better since then but… It was understandable. 

“Tommy, hey son.” Tommy fixed blue eyes on Philza’s own. “I know your arm hurts mate, I can help it feel better.” Tommy didn’t so much as move. Philza tried a different strategy.

“Techno, your turn.” Techno dutifully sat next to Tommy, still not saying a word, but eyes growing more focused by the minute. Philza got some wet rags and started cleaning the blood off him. The original assessment had been correct, most of the blood wasn’t his. 

Techno had a few scratches and bruises to treat, but was altogether in alright shape. Philza still gave him a regen potion to drink. 

“Let me see your arm Tech.” That finally got a response form the 14-year-old, he snorted quizzically and held it up, tilting his head. It was obviously uninjured. Philza nodded meaningfully at the youngest.

“Shhh let me see it, please?” Techno huffed in mock annoyance, but held out his arm. Philza kept an eye on Tommy as his blue eyes traced what Philza was doing. Phil splinted and bandaged Techno’s arm, the boy sitting patiently through the unnecessary process. Without any pomp Phil turned to Tommy.

“Your turn.” Tommy slowly held his arm out, hesitant, but mimicking Techno’s casual confidence. 

Philza ducked his head to smile when the boy let him splint and wrap the broken limb. He handed off a potion to Tommy, who drank it and pretended to spit in disgust. 

There. 

Philza decided no one needed to be alone tonight. Once Wilbur woke up, he brought all three boys to his room, letting them all crash on the wide bed together. As his eyes traced over their shadows in the darkness Philza reassured himself.

Techno’s okay

Wilbur’s okay

Tommy’s okay

That’s all he needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now there are three!  
> Techno is protective


	3. Four is chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo is found in a box.  
> Tommy recognizes him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole gang is here. 
> 
> TW: Referenced abuse, referenced abandonment, anxiety, panic, starvation

“What the hell is that!” 

“Tommy!” Philza scolded the ten-year-old sternly. “Where did you learn that kind of language?” Blue eyes looked up at him without a trace of innocence. 

“You.” Philza frowned exaggeratively, turning to fix Wilbur with a glare when the teenager started laughing hysterically. 

“Well, he’s not wrong Phil!” The teen continued to cackle, ignoring Philza’s annoyed looks. The man eventually turned back around, focused again on the road ahead of him. 

Until Tommy tried to throw himself out of the saddle.

“Stop! Look!” Philza pulled the horse to a stop, more to keep Tommy from falling off than anything. 

“What is it?” Wilbur drew his horse up alongside, also following Tommy’s pointed finger.

“There! That box!” Philza sighed heavily. There was indeed a wooden box tipped on the side of the road. 

“Tommy, you know Techno is waiting for us at the farm, why have you stopped us for a crate?” The three had been in town buying and selling goods for a couple days, Philza was ready to get home. He almost nudged the horse into motion again, when his youngest son grabbed his arm.

“No! It moved!”

“Tommy…”

“It really did I swear I’m not making it up this time!” Philza looked down wearily at his son’s face. Tommy looked far too excited for what was probably just some animal. Still… it was early enough in the day.

“It may be dangerous Tommy.”

“Please dad!” Philza’s heart melted. As Wilbur groaned in exasperation he slid off the horse and pulled Tommy off alongside him. 

“Fine, but you stay put, you hear? I will tell you if you can come closer.” Tommy happily nodded, bouncing next to the road. Wilbur begrudgingly held both sets of reins. 

Philza crept over towards the crate, one hand cautiously resting on the hilt of his sword. Likely it was empty and Tommy was mistaken, but better safe than sorry. As he got closer he frowned, pausing to sweep his blond hair into a ponytail out of his eyes. The crate shifted slightly. 

“Hey…” Philza stepped around it, it was on its side so the opening faced away from the road. He took a deep breath and knelt.

“Fuck.” Philza vaguely heard both his sons on the road cackling when he swore. He ignored them and moved back a little from the box, staying low to the ground.

“Hello there.” A small child stared out of the space with wide eyes. He was absolutely filthy and looked half-starved even from the distance. His eyes were blue, darker than Tommy’s but very alert. He hadn’t moved a muscle since Phil peered in. 

“Are you okay.” The boy just looked at him, surprisingly little fear in his eyes, mostly he looked confused. Philza estimated he was about Tommy’s age, though he was so much smaller it was hard to tell. 

“What is it!?” Tommy’s rapid footsteps told Philza he had gotten tired of waiting, despite his instructions. A glance at Wilbur only revealed a concerned expression, he obviously sensed Phil’s seriousness. 

“Tommy. Slow down.” Philza made his voice firm, ensuring Tommy would understand he meant it. Tommy slowed to a walk, but kept coming over until he crouched next to him. His eyes widened when he saw the other boy.

“You… tubbo?” Tommy spoke the word with disbelief, something approaching awe tinging his expression. 

“Tommy?” The boy spoke for the first time, tilting his head.

“Tubbo!!! My man! I never—” Suddenly Tommy was dragging the smaller boy out of the box by the hand, briefly pulling him into a hug before getting embarrassed. The boy, whom Philza assumed was named Tubbo, shrunk a little at being removed from his hiding space, but flashed a brief smile Tommy. 

“This is Philza! He’s like my dad, big man has a farm, and that’s Wilbur over there! He’s a dirty crime boy, he stole my favorite bow the other day, and at home there is Techno he’s really good at fighting—”

“Tommy.” Philza finally managed to get a word in as Tommy ranted happily about their family. “How do you know Tubbo?”

He was fishing for information, Tommy either didn’t notice, or chose to oblige. Philza nodded at Wilbur to come closer, the tall brunette carefully approached, leaving the horses nearby.

“When I was still—” Tommy hesitated for a moment, blue eyes flashing with painful memories briefly. Before Philza could reach out to him Tommy barreled onward with his usual coping strategy. “When I was a big man in the city, before you lot got me all domestic and shit—”

“Too bad we never managed to housebreak you.” Wilbur snorted out the words. Tommy rewarded him with an aggressive middle finger.

“Anyway, Tubbo would sometimes sneak me into the shed when it was cold out! I’d bring him food too if I had extra.” Tommy grinned widely at his friend. Tubbo nodded, but shied away from the attention, ducking behind the taller boy slightly. 

“We are quite a distance away from the city here…” Philza mused quietly, Tommy’s darkened expression not going unnoticed by the older man. It was at least a few days walk, and this road was seldom traveled. It was pure luck they had stumbled across the boy at all. 

“Then we need to take Tubbo home with us!” Tommy’s voice sounded extremely certain, Wilbur chuckled lightly behind Philza.

“Tommy, we can’t just take random children because they’re your friends. That is called kidnapping. We should get him back to his parents, right Phil?” Wilbur spoke good sense, but something about how Tommy’s eyes grew panicked gave him pause.

“Tommy. Tell me honestly. Is that an option?” Philza would have asked Tubbo the question, but the smaller boy had withdrawn into himself when Wilbur spoke. He was staring blankly at the ground and probably would have crawled back into the box if not for Tommy’s grip on his hand. 

“No! No. Phil please, he can’t… we’ve got to take him with us. Please.” Tommy’s eyes were pleading. His hand was white knuckled where he gripped Tubbo’s. 

Philza knew if Tommy was this serious about anything, it meant he should be trusted. Philza met his son’s eyes and nodded. 

“Okay. Tubbo, would you like to come home with us?” The dirty boy looked up at Philza carefully, despite his ragged appearance, Philza saw a faint look of hope on his face. He looked at Tommy questioningly. The blond nodded, giving him a more comforting smile than Philza knew the little gremlin was capable of. 

Tubbo gingerly nodded his head.

“It’s settled then! Tommy, hop on the horse with Wilbur, Tubbo can ride with me.” 

They set off to the house.

Upon arrival Technoblade was carrying some baskets of vegetables around, getting them ready to store in the barn. When he heard the horses coming, he set the heavy load on the ground and met them at the stable. 

Philza saw the piglin visibly stutter in his step, confusion darkening his gaze. He gave his son what he hoped was a reassuring look. Techno looked unconvinced.

“Come on Tubbo! Let me show you the house!” Tommy was running towards their warmly lit cottage with the other boy in tow. 

“Whuuu…”

“That is Tubbo, he will be staying with us for a while.” Philza tried to explain. Techno groaned.

“BruuuUuuUUh… He’s going to be here forever isn’t he.” The piglin shook his head unhappily. Wilbur snickered where he was untacking the horses and answered the question before Philza had a chance. 

“Probably, better prepare yourself for another brother. Hope this one is less of a devil.” Techno turned to Philza pleadingly.

“Please Phil, not another orphan…”

Phil chuckled lightly.

“Sorry Tech, we literally found him in a box on the side of the road, could hardly just leave him there.” 

Philza headed to the house, no good could come from leaving Tommy unsupervised. As he walked away he heard Techno stuttering.

“No… whut? Really?” 

Philza strode into the house and let his hair down. It was shoulder length and annoying, yet he still hadn’t cut it. 

“Tommy?” Fast footsteps flew down the stairs, Philza caught the blond before he slammed into the wall at full speed. 

“Hi Phil, Tubbo can stay in my room right? I’m letting him use some clothes but they don’t really fit and I gave him leftovers cause he hadn’t eaten in like a week, I hope that’s okay, but—”

“Tommy, slow down, please. I can barely understand you.” Philza smirked as Tommy rolled his eyes. 

“I just wanted to know… Tubbo won’t eat unless he knows there is more food. Can I bring like a bunch up to the room for him?” Philza was genuinely astonished. It wasn’t that his youngest was inconsiderate, but he certainly didn’t typically display this level of attunement to others. There was no chance Philza was going to discourage this.

“Yes Tommy, take up whatever you want. Let me know if Tubbo needs anything.” Philza laid a gentle hand on his son’s shoulder. “I believe you that he needs to be here, try to let him know he’s safe.” Tommy nodded sincerely before hopping off to the kitchen. 

This was a lot for any ten-year-old to handle, much less Tommy who lived alone on the streets for far longer than any kid should. Philza started up the stairs, pausing when he saw Tubbo passively standing in the hallway.

“Hey Tubbo” Philza knelt down to the child’s height. He was wearing a comically oversized green shirt, the sleeves hung past his hands. “How’re you doing mate?” Tubbo briefly met his eyes before staring at the floor again. 

The kid hummed a noncommittal response. 

In a flash Tommy was back upstairs with a heaping plater of food, barreling into Tubbo and pushing him towards the bedroom. Philza decided to give the old friends some time to catch up with each other. 

When he peeked in on them later, both boys were cuddled close on the bed, warm and comfortable. 

In the middle of the night Philza awoke with a start.

“Dad, dad, Tubbo woke up and got scared, I don’t know what to do.” Philza was up in a moment, gently taking the ten-year-old’s hand and letting him be guided towards the boys’ bedroom. 

The room was dark and Philza couldn’t immediately spot the other boy. For a moment panic rose in his chest, tightening his throat. Tommy dragged him over towards the bed without hesitation, the blond dropped to the floor and started murmuring at his friend. Tubbo was tucked on the floor between the bed and the nightstand. 

The child’s head was between his knees and his arms were tucked around himself protectively. Philza was surprised to realize the boy was completely silent, he was trembling but there were no sounds in the room except ragged breathing. 

“Tubbo, hey kid. You’re safe…” Philza gently carded one of his hands through the kid’s hair, feeling him stiffen… then slowly relax. 

“Can I get you up on the bed? I promise it’s safe, Tommy is up here too.” Tommy happily agreed, gently taking his friend’s hand in his own. Philza might have let Tubbo stay on the floor, but he was concerned about the child’s health. Tubbo was so malnourished that Phil was willing to risk the extra stress in order to possibly prevent a medical emergency. 

When Tubbo nodded Philza gently wrapped the small boy in his arms and lifted him to the bed. The child weighed next to nothing and didn’t resist, allowing himself to be carried. Philza sat down on the bed, letting Tubbo sit in his lap with Tommy squished up beside him. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Tubbo was unresponsive, still shivering. Philza changed paths. “Do you want to come downstairs for a while? I’ll get you something warm to drink and we can sit by the fire.” Tommy enthusiastically bounced on the bed.

“Yeah! Tubbo we can get some hot chocolate, right dad? Please?!”

“Sure Tommy, how does some hot chocolate sound?” Tubbo nodded gently, eyes still uncertain. 

Philza carried the small boy down the stairs, not trusting that he was steady enough to walk on his own. Tommy bounced along behind, carrying a couple pillows from the bed. Philza gently deposited him on the couch closest to the fireplace, wrapping him in blankets before stirring the coals and getting it warmed up. 

Minutes later Philza brought the boys the requested hot chocolate and sat next to them, cupping his hands around Tubbo’s to help him hold the heavy mug. Tommy slurped greedily next to him. To Philza’s relief, Tubbo had mostly stopped shaking, the man breathed significantly easier once he noticed. 

“Tommy, did you ever have this before?” Tubbo spoke up quietly between sips of the warm beverage.

“Nope! Not before I moved in with Phil.” There was a bit of time where the only sounds were grateful slurping. Tommy spoke up eagerly, much more blunt than Philza would ever have dared to be. 

“What woke you up anyway?” Philza winced. Maybe Tommy wasn’t learning to be as considerate as he thought. Philza almost jerked in surprise when Tubbo responded.

“I thought… I heard a zombie outside. An’ well…” Tubbo trailed off, getting smaller under the blankets. “was hidin from ‘em in that box last couple a nights n’ stuff.” Tommy nodded knowingly. 

“Did your parents run outta food again?” Tommy snuggled closer to his friend, done with his chocolate. 

“Yeah. They kept gettin in trouble for kicking us out of the house in the city, so they took me to the forest…” Tubbo sniffled, finally showing some emotion. Philza cradled him close when he started trembling. 

“Your parents are shit Tubbo.” Tommy sounded genuinely upset. Tubbo curled up on his side in Phliza’s lap. 

“Yeah.” 

“Don’t worry Tubbo, you can stay here and you’re never gonna get kicked out or anything. Philza is good like that.” Tommy already seemed half asleep. 

Philza decided he was going to be worthy of the praise. 

He listened to the sounds of the two boys breathing softly in their sleep. He felt safe in the knowledge his older sons were comfortably asleep upstairs as well. Philza leaned back and allowed his mind to drift.

Techno’s okay

Wilbur’s okay

Tommy’s okay

Tubbo’s okay

That’s all he needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying.  
> \--R&T


	4. Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo had been with them a few months, it takes time to adjust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Family.
> 
> TW: anxiety, panic, referenced abandonment, referenced starvation, anxiety about lack of food

Philza walked around his house for what felt like the hundredth time, searching every cupboard and nook for an eleven-year-old who was far too good at hide and seek. Tommy dashed around the house as well, squealing and yelling about Tubbo being “In de walls”. Philza plodded up the stairs, deciding it was time to check their room again.

“Tubbox I’m going to find you!!” Philza smirked as Tommy screeched the nickname in his searching. Tubbo was comfortable hiding in small spaces, and for Tommy calling him Tubbox was peak comedy. Since Tubbo didn’t mind, Philza allowed it, even if it did make his heart ache to remember a malnourished child waiting to die in an old crate by the road. 

He walked into the messy room casually, he would have to make sure they cleaned it sometime soon. The room had two beds now, one on each side. Philza checked under Tommy’s first, scowling at the pile of dirty clothes hidden beneath, then moved to Tubbo’s. When he kneeled to look underneath his blond hair dragged on the wooden floor, a reminder to cut it soon. Philza only saw a small box underneath amongst the junk, and was about to search elsewhere, but he paused. Something smelled odd.

Philza started pulling junk out from under the bed, momentarily forgetting the game. There were some clothes, expectedly. Some random toys. A few dulled arrows from the training bow… At last Philza pulled out the box, noticing the smell intensify as he did so. He frowned as he knelt in front of it. The box was absolutely stuffed with random food items, most long stale or rotting. That would explain the smell. 

Philza sighed gently, hoarding food wasn’t unexpected. Even though Tubbo was much healthier now, he still had anxiety around meals. He would still have to clean this box out though, before it started attracting bugs. 

A creaking noise caught Philza’s attention. He lifted his head to see a blue eye peering out at him from a crack in the closet door. 

“Tubbo…” The moment Philza acknowledged the boy, the closet sprung open and the Tubbo was out of the room, sprinting down the stairs before he could blink. Philza leapt up as well, rushing into the hall and down the stairs. 

“Phil! OOPH!” Tommy spun around the corner just as Philza reached the landing, tangling his legs and sending both of them sprawling. 

“Tommy, are you alright.” Tommy was nothing if not resilient, he was back on his feet almost instantly, only lightly rubbing a bruised elbow. 

“Yeah, Tubbo ran out the front door!” Philza joined Tommy at the doorway that was hanging open. Disturbingly, there was no brunette in sight. Anxiety started to tighten in Philza’s chest. 

“Tommy, go get your brothers from the garden okay? I think they’re working on the potatoes today.” Tommy nodded and sprinted away. Philza forced himself to breathe. He needed to stay calm.

“Tubbo? Tubbo? Hey, if you can hear me, can you let me know where you are?” Philza tried to keep his voice light and easygoing. “I won’t make you come out, I just want to make sure you’re safe.” He wandered the front yard, quickly searching the shed before moving on to the barn. 

“I’m not upset Tubbo, I promise. It’s okay.” Philza tried to be as soothing as possible, searching the exterior of the barn first. There were so many places for a small boy to hide. 

Rapid footsteps alerted Philza that his other sons had been called over. Wilbur got to him first, long legs outpacing the others.

“What’s going on?” His brown eyes were flooded with concern. Techno was there a moment later, the piglin’s own russet eyes were focused intensely. Tommy caught up and grabbed Wilbur’s hand, clinging to him for comfort. 

“Tubbo took off and is hiding somewhere. Wilbur, I need you to start searching the training ground and gardens, take Tommy with you. Techno, get a horse and start checking the road and surrounding woods, I don’t think he could have gotten far so focus on checking thoroughly rather than covering distance. I will keep looking around the barn and house.” Philza felt a burst of pride as his sons sprang into action. 

It was several hours later and the search was yet unsuccessful. Philza’s anxiety was through the roof. Tubbo was small and clever, just knowing how well he hid in the house… if he didn’t want to be found… Philza searched the garden again, making sure to check in the bushes, continuing to call out in hopes that Tubbo would be reassured enough to announce himself. 

Tommy and Wilbur had retired to the house, the younger boy was absolutely frantic, and his searching was haphazard at best. At worst he ran the risk of being lost himself and Philza was not prepared to search for both of them. 

Why was it always towards the evening that these things happened? Philza glanced at the setting sun and bit back panic. 

Thundering hoofbeats drew Philza to the front of the house, he scanned Techno as he rode up…

Philza hoped—

Yes. Oh thank heavens, holy shit. Philza didn’t realize just how stressed he was until relief flooded every ounce of his being. Techno had a bundle held to his chest on the front of the horse. 

Philza helped him dismount, feeing a pang in his heart as Tubbo buried himself in Techno’s cloak, refusing to even look at Phil. Wilbur and Tommy rushed out to the yard, the older took the horse so that Techno could carry Tubbo inside. Tommy bounced along next to them, trying to grab Tubbo’s hand and looking incredibly disappointed when the smaller boy cringed away from the touch. 

Technoblade sat himself down on the couch in front of the fire, looking at Philza absolutely helplessly when Tubbo refused to let him go. Despite the situation Philza had to suppress a snicker. Techno glared at him. The seventeen-year-old did not know what to do with the child desperately curled into his arms. 

Philza watched as he gently tried to untangle the small brunette’s arms from his red cloak. The action caused the boy to scrunch himself tighter to Techno’s chest, letting out a tiny, suppressed sob. Philza stared openmouthed as his stoic son’s russet eyes softened. 

“Hey Tubbo, it’s okay.” Techno’s arms gently wrapped around the smaller boy, one hand pulling the free edge of the cloak to wrap around him, encasing him safely near his chest. Philza was shocked at the softness Techno was showing. Typically… well… showing emotion was not the piglins strong suit. He cared deeply but…

“You’re not in trouble. We’ve got plenty of everything.” Techno had dipped his head, letting his snout rest on the mess of brown hair. 

“Once Tommy stole Phil’s favorite jacket and used it to make a parachute. He jumped off the roof with it, little idiot.” Techno snorted, and Philza though he heard Tubbo lightly giggle when the expression blew warm air through his hair. 

“I bet Phil would make you a whole room of food if you wanted, stuff that wouldn’t go bad either.” Techno glanced at Phil from the corner of his eyes, inviting him to interject.

“That’s right Tubbo, I don’t care at all about the food.” Philza thought maybe that was the wrong thing to say when Tubbo tucked himself tighter, sniffling more intensely. Phil almost instinctively took a step back when Techno glared at him, eyes hard and protective. 

“What I mean is, you don’t have to worry about it. You can keep food in your room, I will help you get some that won’t get rotten, you can eat it anytime you want.” Both boys soothed slightly, Techno was reacting off Tubbo’s emotions, and Philza couldn’t help but smile. This was a connection he never would have predicted. 

“How about… Tubbo, I think it’s time you learned how things work on the farm. Tomorrow we can go to the garden and you can help me collect some of the food. I’ll show you how it grows. Does that sound good?” Tubbo twisted his head, blue eyes peered hopefully out from under the red cape. 

“Yeah.” The light agreement filled Philza’s heart with joy. Tommy ran into the room with a plate of cookies, hopefully holding one out to Tubbo. 

When Tubbo gingerly accepted it Tommy delightedly hopped on the couch next to him, stuffing one in his own mouth. Momentarily Wilbur joined them as well, sitting on the floor in front of Tommy and letting the blond ruffle his hair while he strummed the guitar lightly. 

Philza relaxed.

Wilbur’s okay

Tommy’s okay

Techno’s okay

Tubbo’s okay

That’s all he needed to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Techno and Tubbo are bonding.................  
> It is nice.  
> Hope you are enjoying.  
> \--R&T


	5. A Trip to Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza felt fine sending his kids to town alone, after all, Wilbur and Techno are 18 now.  
> What's the worst that can happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gremlin children.
> 
> TW: referenced neglect, referenced child abandonment, referenced injury

Philza never doubted that _someday_ one of his kids would be arrested, but he still wasn’t prepared when Wilbur and Tommy came rushing home from town shouting about it. The eighteen-year-old was frantic, having ridden for over an hour straight to get home. Tommy was equally riled up, though much angrier, kept talking about ‘stabbing shit’, which was not a good sign in Philza’s experience. 

Philza was faced with a dilemma. He could either take both boys back into town with him, and risk Tommy making any ongoing situation worse, leave both boys here and try to figure things out without knowing the situation, or—

Nope—

Two options. Leaving Tommy home alone was not an option. There would either be no home left to return to or no Tommy. Neither was an acceptable outcome. 

Philza sighed heavily, making sure to pack his armor and best weapons onto the horse, just in case. He didn’t plan on fighting anyone but… He was going to come home with all of his sons. Whatever that took.

It was hard to talk while riding, the most he got out of Wilbur and Tommy was that the local guards had grabbed Techno and Tubbo after some sort of altercation. 

Philza road his horse into town without so much as slowing down at the gates. Even IF there was a reasonable explanation for imprisoning his sons, he was going to be there to defend them. Philza knew where the city guard station was, so he wasted no time in riding to it. As he dismounted, he gave Wilbur a firm look.

“Keep Tommy with you. Do not leave the horses.” Philza was on good terms with most people in the city, but he didn’t know many members of the guard that well. He wasn’t going to risk Tommy aggravating them further. 

He strode confidently up towards the doors, pausing as someone exited in a rush.

“Hello!” The guard who exited was dressed in clean armor and stood up straight, even though Philza was taller, he felt slightly taken aback by her steady strength. She had brown hair that was tied back under her helmet. 

“I am here for my sons.” Philza knew he was being somewhat rude, but he felt justified. 

“Of course! You must be Philza. The… uh… piglin? He told us to expect you. My name is Kara, I am the second-in-command here with the guard.” She smiled somewhat, obviously trying to be friendly. 

“Techno. His name is Technoblade.” She nodded quickly, acknowledging, but not showing weakness or embarrassment.

“Right. Please come in, if we can talk inside for a moment…” Philza strode into the open door, glancing around for a sign of either son. The interior of the building was sparse, it had some sort of equipment room off to the left, on the right was a stairway, though Kara led him straight past it to another room. This room had a desk and chairs, the back wall had several iron doors. Philza didn’t sit.

“Let me see my sons.”

“Yes, okay, I can have Techno come meet you, he is free to go.” Philza squinted his blue eyes, disconcerted. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he didn’t have to stay here, but he refused to leave so we put him in one of the rooms for safe keeping.” Philza didn’t know whether to feel relieved or confused. Techno wasn’t in trouble… then why was he here?

Kara crossed the room confidently and opened an iron door, not needing to unlock it. 

“Techno, your dad is here.” The piglin boy trod out of the cell, russet eyes dangerously red. Philza moved to him, taking him by the shoulders gently.

“It’s okay Tech, you’re safe. Here.” Philza unstrapped his sword from around his waist and handed it to Techno. The eighteen-year-old visibly relaxed once he had the weapon. Kara on the other hand stiffened, opening her mouth to object. Philza fixed her with a glare. Her mouth shut.

“Where is Tubbo.” Kara crossed to behind the desk, gesturing to a chair. 

“Please, sit down, I’ll explain.” 

Philza unwillingly lowered himself into the chair. If they were going to try to take Tubbo from him…

“The reason you are here is because your sons got into a fight with some local merchants. One of them only got some minor bruises, but the other may press charges depending on how well the stab wound heals. He is still at the doctors.” Philza turned his head towards Techno, whose eyes were fixed on the floor. This still didn’t make sense, if Techno stabbed someone then why was he free to go?

“Sorry dad.” Techno’s low voice was gravely and ashamed. Philza patted his shoulder gently. 

“If Techno got in a fight why aren’t you letting me see Tubbo?” Philza was completely confused and let it show in his voice, wanting an explanation. 

Kara stared at him blankly, realization dawning across her face.

“Oh, Philza, Techno didn’t stab anyone. Tubbo did.” 

\--

“What?” Philza could not have been more shocked. Tubbo, twelve-year-old, sweet Tubbo, had stabbed someone. He knew his eyes must have been comically wide, to her credit, Kara looked back calmly.

“Yes. One of your other sons got in a confrontation with a worker who accused him of stealing. Techno threw the first punch, but, witnesses confirm the other man grabbed the blond kid first, prompting the reaction. From what I can gather, one of the merchant’s friends joined the fray and jumped Techno here from behind. That is the one that Tubbo stabbed. Tubbo is fine and the man only needed a few stitches, but we still had a responsibility to hold them here for a while. Does that all make sense?”

Philza nodded slowly. No. That still really didn’t make sense. But he would pretend it did for the moment. No use in telling the guards that he expected literally _any_ of his other sons to stab someone long before Tubbo. 

“Can I see him?” Kara now nodded, she stood and led him to one of the other doors, gesturing for Techno to stay in his seat. 

“Yes, of course. The Captain of the guard is in there with him, keeping him company. I’m sure he will be very happy to see you.” She knocked on the door and announced herself, a gentle masculine voice rang back from within. 

“Come on in.”

Philza expected to have a mess awaiting him. He prepared himself for Tubbo to be curled in a corner, possibly hiding under a chair, and having to be coaxed out over the course of an hour or more. For the second time that day, Philza found himself surprised to the point of speechlessness.

Tubbo jumped up and ran over happily to meet him, throwing his arms around him and squeezing him in a hug.

“Phil!” There were no traces of tears in his eyes, no real fear. Tubbo bounced back over to the center of the room, pointing at a man now standing from him chair respectfully.

“That’s the Captain!!”

The man smiled, his face creased in easy lines, Philza was put immediately more at ease.

“I’m Captain Sparklez, but you are welcome to just call me Sparklez. It is nice to meet you Philza” The man held out his hand and shook Philza’s warmly. Tubbo tugged on his sleeve.

“Look at this!” Tubbo cheerfully pointed to a clear bottle resting on its side on the table, within was a small model ship, delicate and beautiful in its intricacy. 

As Tubbo fussed with the bottle Captain Sparklez turned his attention towards Phil again, speaking in a hushed tone. 

“I’m glad he’s found a good home." The Captain’s eyes held a gentle sadness.

“Do you two know each other?” The Captain slowly shook his head, almost regretfully. 

“I know of him, and of his biological family. Don’t worry, they haven’t been informed he is here, not that they…” Captain Sparklez let his voice trail off. “Only a couple hours with this kid and I’m ready to adopt him myself.” The man chuckled wryly. “What do you say Philza, got one too many?” 

Philza acknowledged the joking tone lightly, ruffling Tubbo’s hair as he chattered in ignorance of their conversation. 

“The Captain said he would teach me how to make them if I visited again, and this time not here in the guardhouse, he doesn’t live here though some do, but because he’s the Captain he has his own house and—”

Tubbo was enthusiastic, even if Phil wasn’t quite following the run-on sentences.

“He seems found of you.” Sparklez lighted up at the acknowledgment, eyes gently looking down at the small boy. Suddenly, Tubbo looked up.

“Is Tech here? He said he wouldn’t leave me, but I haven’t seen him.” Philza looked at the Captain expectantly, the man nodded and opened the door. 

The moment Techno was in the doorway Tubbo flew to him, eagerly hugging him around the waist. Technoblade stood still for a moment, awkward with the physical contact, but eventually relented. He wrapped his arms back around the smaller boy and held him tight.

“Good news!” Kara stuck her head through the doorframe. “The merchant decided not to press any charges, seems even he realized the ridiculousness of blaming a pre-teen for trying to protect his brother.” For the first time Philza thought he saw the guard smile genuinely. She looked amusedly at the group in the cell.

“So, Sparklez, do you get to keep him?” The Captain shook his head resignedly, faux disappointment filling his voice when he spoke. 

“No, looks like he’s already got a good family.”

Philza took his boys home. They had another horse in town already, so Wilbur rode one with Tommy and Techno rode the other, Tubbo asleep against his chest. Philza rode the third himself, listening to the pleasant sounds of conversation and light snoring behind him.

Wilbur’s okay

Tommy’s okay

Techno’s okay

Tubbo’s okay

That’s all he needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, Tommy did NOT actually steal anything.   
> Wilbur did, but that's beside the point.   
> (Philza found out and made him return it)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> \--R&T


	6. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza's kids are growing up too fast.  
> He isn't ready for them to leave home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The eldests are nineteen now, youngers are thirteen  
> Nothing to note for TW this chapter.  
> CW: Swearing

Philza wiped misty tears from his eyes silently. Today was the day. He was not ready for this. He finished fussing with his blond hair and straightened his hat on his head. Philza took a deep breath before walking out into the living room.

“You all packed Tech?” The piglin was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, Wilbur was cross-legged behind him, gently braiding his long pink hair. 

“Yup.” Technoblade was as tacit as ever, Philza gave his eldest boys a smile as he walked to the kitchen. 

“You’ll stay for breakfast?” Everyone involved knew it wasn’t a question. Techno nodded anyway, getting an annoyed smack on the head from Wilbur.

“Sit still! Who is going to braid your hair before tournaments if you can’t be bothered to stop moving?” The two nineteen-year-olds bickered lightly, sadness tinted Wil’s joking tone.

“I’ll just have to do it myself, you know, I _can_ braid it myself Wil.”

“You don’t do nearly as good of a job though!” 

Philza smiled as they continued, pulling out some pans for eggs. He tilted his head at the silence.

“Either of you seen the boys this morning?” Philza glanced around, usually Tommy and Tubbo slept in, but their door had been open when he walked down the hall. Wilbur shouted from the other room.

“Yeah, they both got up and were pestering us, I sent them outside.” Phil hummed to himself quietly. It was strangely calm for this household. It was rather nice—

“You arsehole Tubbo, I’m going to get you back for that you little shithead!!!” There it was. The front door slammed as the two younger brothers rolled in like a storm. Tommy was chasing Tubbo around loudly; soon they came dashing through the kitchen in their play.

“Morning Phil!” Tubbo yelped a greeting as he skidded around the counter, just avoiding Tommy’s grasp. The brunette was grinning widely as he dodged around. 

“Boys…” Philza’s warning was ignored. He crinkled his nose up, what was that smell?

The boys were gone before he could investigate, their fight heading into the living room. A crash sounded soon after, followed by undignified screeching. Philza took a tray of food to the table and glanced over. Tommy was sprawled flat on the floor with Techno casually stepping on his stomach lightly. 

“If you want to defeat me, you’ll have to train for another 100 years!!” Tubbo was giggling happily nearby, politely sliding into his seat at the table. Despite the smaller boy’s face of innocence, Philza knew better. 

“Tubbo, what did you do?” The brunette tilted his head in apparent confusion, Philza crossed his arms.

“I may have stumbled across some skunkweed while looking for flowers and—”

“The little shit stuffed it down my shirt!!” That explains the smell. Tommy was absolutely indignant as Techno helped him to his feet. The younger blond was the same height as Techno now, Philza knew it wouldn’t be much longer before he passed him up. Not that Tommy would ever let them forget it. 

As the family settled into breakfast Tommy wouldn’t let Technoblade have a moment of peace, pestering him about details they had all heard a thousand times. Techno would be going on a sword fighting tournament, if he qualified he would be touring to the big cities to compete there. Philza knew it was the piglin’s dream to become the best fighter ever. He had to fight the selfish wish that his son wouldn’t qualify, if only so he could spend some more time with him. 

Eventually breakfast was drawing to a close and Techno was getting antsy to be on his way. Before they got up, Tubbo interjected.

“Wait! I’ve got something for you!” The smaller teen dashed out to the porch, returning with a small basket. He stopped behind Techno and started fussing with his long pink braid.

“Bruuuh that better not be skunkweed…”

“No, don’t be silly. It’s lavender.” Tubbo happily weaved the purple blossoms into the braid. “See, they’re the bees favorite, so while you’re traveling they can keep you company!” Tubbo took a step back, smiling proudly at his work. 

Techno snorted, but his slight smile was enough. 

They went out to the yard where Carl, Techno’s favorite horse, was ready to go. 

It was time for goodbyes. 

There was a moment of awkwardness where everyone rushed forwards at once, eventually they took turns. Wilbur approached his near-twin first, wrapping him in a tight hug before holding him at arm’s length. 

“Have fun!” Wilbur backed away, maintaining his composure admirably. 

Tubbo rushed forward next, practically throwing himself into the piglin’s arms. “Have a good trip!” He bounced back with the group after a moment, sniffling a little. 

Tommy walked forwards slowly, hands in his pockets. The two boys stood in front of each other for a long moment before Techno took initiative.

“Come on, you know you love me!” Techno opened his arms and Tommy begrudgingly gave him a hug, pulling away quickly. 

“Just, kick all their asses big man! Show them that you’re the best around!!” Technoblade grinned at him, almost sinister.

“Oh, I will Tommy.” Tommy smiled, then held out his hand. Technoblade took the proffered object carefully. It was Tommy’s knife, the one he had since he was on the streets alone. He was nearly never without it. Techno clipped it onto his belt immediately. The boys nodded at each other.

Finally, it was Philza’s turn. He made it halfway to a hug before tears started trailing down his face.

“Dad, don’t get all mushy eyed on me now…” Philza shook his head and held his son close.

“Be safe out there, you hear me?”

“I will dad.” 

Philza gently stepped back, releasing him from the hug and wiping his eyes. Without further ceremony Technoblade had mounted his horse and was riding away, tossing a last wave over his shoulder. 

Philza fought the tears. 

He watched the road until his son was only a speck in the distance, and eventually faded from view. He felt someone bump his shoulder gently.

“Phil?” Philza turned his head and looked up at Wilbur gently.

“I’ll stick around for a while longer. Techno’s going to be fine out there.” Philza had to smile. Wil was right. 

Techno’s okay

Wilbur’s okay

Tommy’s okay

Tubbo’s okay

That’s all he needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade is off! At least Wilbur is sticking around for a while.  
> Little bittersweet, I hope you enjoyed reading.  
> <3--R&T


	7. Empty nest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza has to deal with his sons leaving home.  
> He won't stop them, it's still hard.  
> He also gets a letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo depart.  
> CW: some swearing

Philza helped his sons pack their bags with a heavy heart. Wilbur had decided it was time for him to leave, and the two younger ones wanted to go with him. Philza knew that he could make them stay, but he thought it would be wrong and counterproductive to fight their wanderlust. They were young. 

As he finished up he turned to Wilbur, the tall brunette was watching the two younger boys toss bags at each other. Philza smiled at the love in the elder’s eyes. They were family. Tommy ceased his play and shouted at them, eager to be on their way. 

“Wil! When can we leave?” 

“Soon Tommy, go get a couple extra blankets!” The blond dashed off recklessly, leaving Tubbo to carry their heavier gear. The smaller boy huffed in annoyance. In moments Tommy was back, absolutely covered in various blankets and stuffing them into any spare saddlebags. Philza chuckled despite himself.

“Take care of them Wilbur.”

“Phil! I’m surprised, I thought we both agreed that these boys are fairly capable of taking care of themselves?” Wilbur’s voice was sardonic, gesturing grandly to the two fifteen-year-olds running around the yard. 

“I mean, Wil.” Philza looked at his son seriously. “You know Tommy would follow you to the ends of the earth if you led the way. Take care to lead wisely.”

“That’s… awful poetic of you Phil.” Wilbur smiled lightly. His guitar was packed into its traveling case and ready to go.

“It’s the truth.” Wilbur turned contemplatively. 

“I know.” They both watched as Tommy mounted his horse, Tubbo close behind. 

“I will Phil. I’ll take care of them.” 

That was all the reassurance Philza needed. He hugged his eldest close for a long time, eventually relenting. 

He sat alone in the living room long after they had left, staring into the fire. 

The house felt so empty, so lonely. 

Philza focused his mind on what matters.

They’re together. 

Wilbur’s okay

Tommy’s okay

Tubbo’s okay

That’s all he needed to know.

* * *

Philza's face lit up as the postmaster handing over a crumpled envelope. He couldn't bear to wait, stepping just outside the building before he tore it open.

Philza unfolded the letter, greedily taking in the words.

_Hi Phil,_

_You know how I’ve been writing you about the huge competition in Hypixel I was thinking about going to? I was hesitating because it’s basically the biggest city anywhere, and that’s a lot of people. Well……… That’s where I’ve been lately. Sorry I haven’t written as much, it’s been busy._

_I just got 500 consecutive wins, no big deal. Sure, it’s never been done before by anyone in the history of ever, but it’s chill. Normal Saturday._

_I’m still in hypixel but I won’t be for long. I just got invited to this invitation only thing in the kingdom of Beast. I don’t know if you know of it or not, but it pays reeeeeeeeeeeeeealy well. I’ll be there starting next week._

_It might take a while for letters to come from there, it’s across the channel._

_Anyways, that’s what I’ve been up to. Hope to hear from you soon, I’ll let you know once I’ve got a good mailing address._

_\--Technoblade_

Philza smiled. Good old Techno, achieving the impossible.

Techno’s okay

That’s all he needed to know.

* * *

Philza walked back dejectedly from the stables. Yet another trip to town wasted in search of increasingly infrequent letters. He entered the house and plodded over to the table, sitting and pulling a box of worn papers close. 

Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo had won their independence months ago, but the letters had petered off in the months following their victory. 

The last thing Philza had heard there was an election, it seemed like a good thing… but since then, nothing. 

No letters, no postcards, nothing to know how his sons were doing out there. 

The silence was eerie. 

They could just be busy… Philza hoped that was all that was going on. 

Still, he hadn’t been sleeping well lately. 

He didn’t know what was happening. 

He couldn’t even reassure himself with his familiar mantra in tough times. 

Is Wilbur okay?

Is Tommy okay?

Is Tubbo okay?

Is Techno okay?

He didn’t know. 

That scared him more than anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Techno is having a good time.  
> Philza misses his kids.
> 
> Also, double update pog? yes.  
> \--R&T


	8. Four Birds on a Wire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The four brothers aren't okay.  
> (Title inspired by "Two Birds" by Regina Spektor)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty different than the others so far, format wise. I hope you enjoy it, the story needed an 'intermediate' chapter to move forward. 
> 
> TW: anxiety, manipulation, implied abuse, implied injury, minor blood, violence

Wilbur was not okay. 

He had been kicked out of the country he started! Tommy fussed at him to sit still while bandaging the arrow wound on his shoulder. It was inexpert treatment at best. Wilbur groaned and lowered his head into his hands. 

He had lost that sham of an election to some stupid trickery! It was meant to be a sure thing, how could it have gone so wrong? 

Not only that… everyone had just watched when he and Tommy were thrown out! Everyone had turned against them, they couldn’t trust ANYONE! Everything he had worked so hard to build was gone. Even Fundy, the kid he had taken in with desire a to emulate Philza’s fatherly example, had turned on him. Fundy himself started tearing down the walls, cheering and celebrating his new leader. 

Wilbur was betrayed. All semblance of control, of power and leadership was gone. 

He was in a cave, just him and Tommy. Nothing to their name except dirt and stone. 

Even Tubbo hadn’t come with them. Sure, he gave them potions, but could he really be trusted?

For a moment Wilbur’s racing mind paused. Tubbo was his brother, of course he could trust him. Tubbo would never…

But still. The facts don’t lie. 

“Wil?” Tommy spoke up, voice hesitant and hurt. “What do we do now?” 

Wilbur stared at his brother, something hardening in his heart. He would get his control back, or at very least make sure no one else had that power.

“We are going to make them regret sending us away Tommy. I built a nation once,” Wilbur tossed himself to his feet, ignoring how he swayed unsteadily. “I can fucking do it again!”

Tommy nodded resolutely. 

Wilbur gave his first orders.

“Go get us some supplies, but focus on finding paper and something to write with. I have a couple letters to send.”

* * *

Tommy was not okay. 

He walked as silently as he could through the stone canyon he had named Pogtopia. His hesitation was not due to any fear of enemies, though he had plenty of those. Honestly, he was mostly hoping not to run into Wilbur. 

Things had gotten strange with Wilbur in the weeks since they had been banished. Something bitter and cold filled his once warm brown eyes. Tommy didn’t like to see it. He didn’t like how Wilbur was acting, he didn’t like how his brother was leaning into the idea that they were the bad guys. 

Surely they weren’t. It was underhanded to combine votes like that, and Tommy knew Schlatts rule was tyrannical. Niki was being mistreated, Tubbo was… forced to cooperate. They were doing the right thing fighting back. 

But Wilbur was taking it too far, and Tommy didn’t know how to stop him. 

The TNT stockpile grew steadily by the day, despite Tommy’s protests. The very person they had fought against was helping gather it, pushing Wilbur further into madness in the process. Dream seemed elated to have Wilbur's cooperation. Tommy hated the masked mans presence.

Either way, Tommy was stressed to his breaking point.

Even Techno’s arrival hadn’t helped like he thought it would. His brother was there to fight, he didn’t seem to see the issue with Wilbur’s ideas. He wasn’t around enough to understand. 

Tommy froze when he heard Wilbur’s voice echo in the open underground space.

“Go! Go back to Schlatt and come here with something useful next time. We need more information Tubbo.” Rapid footsteps retreated into the secret tunnel to L’Manburg. Tommy rushed towards the sound, hoping to catch his friend for a moment—

Wilbur grabbed his arm.

“There you are! My right-hand man, how was mining?” Tommy looked up sourly. 

“Good, got some diamonds and a fair amount of iron.” Tommy tried to peer around him, hoping Tubbo was still close enough to catch up to. 

“Well, let’s get smelting then?” 

“I was hoping to see Tubbo before—”

“Tommy, you’ve got to understand, you know we can’t really trust anyone here. Not even Tubbo.”

Tommy gritted his teeth and yanked his arm away.

“It’s Tubbo! Of course we can trust him, he’s spying for us and—”

“NO!! They’re all lying to you, lying to us! No one actually cares Tommy, we can’t rely on any of them!” Tommy felt like he was shrinking as Wilbur towered over him. 

“Do you know what he just told me Tommy? Do you know?” Tommy shook his head, backing up unconsciously until his back hit the canyon wall. 

Wilbur slammed an arm into the uneven stone next to his head.

“There is a festival in L’Manburg Tommy. Apparently, it’s a big celebration, everyone is invited, except us. Oh. And Tubbo, your Tubbo is giving a speech, praising the new leadership!”

Tommy turned his eyes downward, shifting away from his older brother’s rage.

“I’ve got big plans for that festival Tommy. Are you ready to help me?”

* * *

Tubbo was not okay. 

He worked hard for the approaching festival, but he really wanted nothing to do with it. Tubbo tried to have fun with the decorating and games, but Schlatt’s presence looming over him made it difficult. 

Tubbo gingerly brushed his fingertips past the bruise on his cheek, wincing when the pressure caused a burst of pain. Last time he visited Pogtopia…

Wilbur hadn’t even noticed. Or, he had noticed, but didn’t care. 

Tubbo often cried himself to sleep with fear that the latter was true. Why else would Wilbur keep forcing him to go back to Schlatt and fake loyalty? Tubbo didn’t want this! He… he did want to help…

But he had begged Wilbur to just let him stay in Pogtopia again and again. Every time Wilbur said they needed him to spy. So Tubbo did what he had to, if it would help his brothers, it would be worth it. 

Right?

“Hey Tubbo, how’s that throne coming along?” Vice-like hands closed on Tubbo’s shoulders, he fought back rising panic. 

“hey—hey Schlatt, it’s good.” The horned man leered over him, alcohol on his breath. 

“Good, well, I want everybody to be able to see this throne, from anywhere in the audience! From anywhere in Manburg even!” 

Tubbo nodded and muttered assurances, trying to pacify Schlatt. He turned around to face the dictator and gave his most innocent look.

“It’ll be great! The centerpiece of the whole festival!” Schlatt started laughing, pulling his hands off Tubbo’s shoulder and bending over to slap his own knee. Tubbo flinched at the sudden movement.

“Oh, that’s good, that’ll be funny later Tubbo.” 

Finally, Schlatt was satisfied enough to stroll away, swaying drunkenly. 

Tubbo sunk to the ground, breathing heavily.

He just wanted to be with his brothers.

* * *

Techno was not okay.

He stared at his blood splattered and bruised hands in torment, leaning heavily against stone walls. 

Why? No, he hadn’t lost control like that in ages, much less twice in one day and…

Wilbur. 

Wilbur set him up. Wilbur knew all his triggers and fears, everything that could make him go into a blood rush. Why else would he have dug a pit to fight in? Giving Techno no escape from the situation to calm down. Why else would he have goaded Tommy into throwing the first punch? Knowing that Techno would instinctively fight back until he felt safe. 

After the festival, it wasn’t like Techno wasn’t already on the absolute edge. He had just recovered from one blood rush enough to feel guilt and then—

Then he beat his other younger brother to a bloody pulp. 

No.

Technoblade sank to the floor.

He didn’t even know if Tubbo was okay. Techno had seen Tommy grab him and bring him back here, but he hadn’t seen him since. 

What Techno remembered from while he was out of control was only bits and pieces, emotions and feelings mostly. He remembered loud voices, so many people watching. He remembered fear, overwhelming anxiety. He remembered Tubbo’s face, desperately looking at him for rescue. He remembered shooting multi-colored fireworks into a box, then a stage, then a screaming crowd. 

He remembered Tommy’s anguished scream of Tubbo’s name. 

And yet… Techno still wanted to fight, to spill blood and protect himself. Even now, safe in the canyon, he felt completely on the edge of losing himself again. 

Techno stood to go to his own small base. He couldn’t check on his brothers like this. 

Things were terribly wrong.

Wilbur isn't okay

Tommy isn't okay

Tubbo isn't okay

Techno isn't okay

and Philza didn't even know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. They aren't okay. I hope you all don't mind the change in POV for this chapter, let me know what you thought if you want!   
> I originally had this play out via letters... but it wasn't working out like I hoped.  
> So I did this instead! Don't worry, more Dadza content coming in future chapters!!  
> \--R&T


	9. Dead Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza receives an alarming letter.  
> Can he get to his sons in time to save them from themselves?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the random gap in posting for this story! I have been struggling to get this chapter written, I didn't want to post until I was happy with it. 
> 
> TW: violence, blood, referenced abuse, manipulation

Philza read the hastily scrawled letter several times in a row, forgetting to breathe in favor of scanning the words again and again. 

He sat down heavily on the steps of the post office, not caring if he was blocking the door. 

_Hello Philza,_

_You do not know me, but my name is Niki, I am a friend of your sons here in Pogtopia. I managed to find your address in some old papers of Wilbur’s, I hope this letter reaches you._

_I am writing you out of concern for your sons. Things are in a bad state here. There is to be all out war in less than a week, on the 16 th. I will be fighting alongside them in this attack, but I fear for the outcome. Wilbur has changed a lot since the man I first became close friends with, I fear he is dragging Tommy along with him in his quest for revenge and destruction. _

_Furthermore, Tubbo was badly injured a few weeks back, at the festival. He is recovering, but not without complications._

_I am sorry to write you under such poor circumstances, but felt it was necessary to contact someone who might be able to help._

_Regards,_

_Niki Nihachu_

After months of silence, of unreturned letters…

Fuck. Fucking hell. 

Philza’s mind twisted in agony as he tried to comprehend. He didn’t know this ‘Niki’. She could be wrong or mistaken or lying but—

Oh god, if she wasn’t…

He had less than a week before the 16th, less then a week to get to his sons. 

Philza resolutely packed his bags as quickly as possible. His sons weren’t okay. 

He needed to get to them. 

* * *

Wilbur wasn’t okay. 

Oh he appeared proud and happy as the victorious group reclaimed L’Manburg. But it didn’t matter did it? They had lost a long time ago. The place he had built and fought for would never be the same again. Never.

Wilbur walked away from the festivities, not even bothering to keep track of who they declared the new president. He knew now that no one could be trusted. Everyone had betrayed him after all, nothing about ‘winning’ would change that. Wilbur turned his eyes to Technoblade, the warrior was sitting on the outskirts of the battlefield, staring at the blood on his sword with wide eyes. 

Good. For Wilbur’s plan to work Techno needed to be on edge. 

Wilbur bent and scraped away dirt and dust, leaning into a small cave. There it was. The fuse sat invitingly against the stone. Wilbur pulled out his matches, savoring the sound of the struck match. He let the first one burn down to his fingers, scorching his fingertips before he dropped it to the ground. No matter. He pulled another out and struck it just as easily, reaching forward to—

“What are you doing?”

That voice… Wilbur didn’t turn his head, eyes fixed on the light of the match between his fingers. 

“I really didn’t expect you to be here Phil.”

The words rolled off Wilbur’s tongue easily. It didn’t affect his resolve. It didn’t change anything.

Wilbur rested the burning tip of the match against the fuse, smiling with pursed lips as it caught fire. The flame raced up the cord, disappearing into a hole in the stone. 

It didn’t matter at all.

Nothing would ever be okay again.

* * *

Philza tumbled back as the world exploded in front of him. 

What was Wilbur doing? Why had he done this? 

“Wilbur! Wilbur?” Philza forced himself up, clearing the stinging dust out of his eyes roughly. 

His son was already on his feet, having braced for the world-rending impact. Wilbur pushed past him, almost haughty in how deliberately he avoided looking at Philza. Philza’s heart broke. 

“Wilbur what are you doing? Wilbur listen to me, let’s talk about this!” Philza followed as his son strode to the edge of the crater. Wilbur’s eyes were oddly dark as he stared into it, watching the people below start gathering themselves. His eyes dashed around almost manically, clearly looking for something, or someone, in particular. Philza unconsciously followed his gaze.

A mop of blond hair caught his attention, Tommy was up and moving near the edge, tightening his armor and frantically pulling others out of the rubble. Philza wanted to call out to his son, but the air was too loud with shouting and screams. Nothing was right here. 

Philza leaned over the steep edge leading into the rubble of the city he had passed on his way to Wilbur. Niki had led him there, hoping he would be in time to stop him. He was too late. 

“Why Wil?! Why?” The broken voice that tore through the commotion wasn’t Tommy’s. A smaller boy, brown hair matted and green shirt torn, stood in a clear space, staring up as Wilbur—

Oh shit. 

Philza rushed towards where Wilbur was setting piles of soul sand in a too-familiar arrangement. He cursed himself for getting distracted. Wilbur spun as he approached, diamond sword leveled with his chest. Philza felt his eyes fill with tears. 

“Wil, son, please…”

“Oh no Phil! For the first time in a while I know exactly what I’m doing. You just stay there, don’t make me hurt you.” Wilbur kept his eyes fixed on Philza’s own, reaching back and pulling black skulls from a satchel. Suddenly his attention shifted, as he placed the skulls Wilbur whirled and shouted into the crater.

“Techno! Fight! Don’t let them kill the wither, it’ll be you next!! FIGHT THEM ALL!” 

Philza leapt forward in an attempt to stop his son from creating the terrible creature of destruction, Wilbur sliced his upper leg open and he was forced to drop to a knee from the white hot pain. 

He had a perfect view as the wither charged the group below, firing its deadly explosives rapidly towards the beaten crowd. 

“No, no, no, NO!” Philza pushed himself to his feet as he finally spotted his fourth son. “TECHNO!” There was a brief moment where he thought the piglin might have heard him, might have recognized his voice. The head turned and red eyes glanced up, bright and furious in their intensity. The moment was over as soon as it started. Technoblade threw himself into the crowd that was trying desperately to destroy the wither, whirling as he attacked with incomprehensible intensity. 

Philza watched as his family fell apart. 

He had to get down there, he had to stop Techno, protect Tommy and Tubbo. Philza took a step, and was knocked roughly backwards. Wilbur stood in front of him, grinning far too wide, his eyes looked wild.

“You can’t do that Phil, I need Techno all riled up!” Wilbur paced a small pattern in front of him, diamond sword held inexpertly at his side. Philza had to get past him. 

The pain in his leg couldn’t stop him. Wilbur couldn’t stop him. He was on his feet and preparing to dodge around in an instant. Wilbur raised the glittering blade menacingly. Something in Philza broke as he drew his own to meet it. 

He raised his sword against his son. The twin blades met with a clash. Then again, and again. Wilbur had something desperate and furious fueling him, but he still couldn’t match Philza at combat. Philza knew it. He knew Wilbur knew it too. It was only a matter of time until—

A pained shriek, too familiar, tore Philza’s attention away for a moment. Tubbo cried out in pain as Techno’s blade met flesh, he stumbled backwards as Tommy interposed himself between his brothers, gritting his teeth as he blocked with his sword. Philza needed to get to them—

He was distracted for a moment too long. Wilbur took the opportunity he was presented. His son tore a line through the armor on his arm, leaving a bloody gash in its wake. Philza lost his grip on his sword hilt as it was ripped from his grasp. Wilbur stood in front of him, surrounded by screams and blood. The tip of the blade touched Philza’s throat. 

They were still. Philza stared deeply into his son’s eyes, trying to find a thread of indication the boy he had raised was still in there somewhere. Wilbur didn’t flinch away from the scrutiny. He gazed back passively, eyes dulled by rage and loss. His brown hair blew wildly in the explosion induced wind. 

Tommy was shouting somewhere nearby. 

Philza grabbed the blade with his left hand and jerked his body to the side in one motion. He screamed as the sharp edge tore through his hand when Wilbur thrust it forward, but he kept his grip, managing to prevent the blow from connecting with something vital. In an instant of motion Philza twisted and shoved, he grabbed the hilt of the weapon in his right hand and raised it to his son’s chest. The situation was reversed. 

Philza held his injured hand tightly to his side, trying to slow the bleeding. Wilbur’s eyes widened in surprise at the reversal of roles. They hardened into dark cruelty as Philza’s heart broke further. 

“Kill me Phil! Philza, kill me!” Wilbur laughed and stepped forward, letting the tip of the sword press against his chest. 

The wind blew the blond’s loose hair in front of his face, catching on his nose and mouth. He stared at his son as the world fell apart. Tears ran down his face freely. 

“You’re my SON!!” Philza mentally pleaded for any trace of remorse, regret, anything!

Wilbur’s mouth twisted in a sneer. 

“Look at what I’ve done! Soon Techno will kill everyone down there? You can’t stop it.” The tall stranger wearing his son’s face gloated, arms thrown wildly to the sides. 

An explosion rocked the ground, emphasizing his point. Wilbur threw himself towards a frozen Phil, taking a chance to reclaim the upper hand. 

Philza couldn’t let him stop him.

He had to save Tommy and Tubbo.

He had to stop Techno before he killed his brothers.

He couldn’t let Wilbur overpower him.

The sword moved with muscle memory from days long past. 

There were several long moments where Philza just watched blood stream down towards the hilt of sword blankly, uncomprehending. Wilbur choked and his weight slumped onto the blade. 

Philza caught his son as he fell, clutching his tall form to his chest, hand groping at the sword piercing his chest through and through. 

There was nothing to be done now. 

Philza held his son as he died. As Wilbur choked out his last breaths there was a moment where Philza saw recognition in softening brown eyes. There was shock and surprise, as if he couldn’t comprehend how this happened. Philza wept. 

Wilbur breathed his last and Philza was left holding a rapidly cooling corpse in his arms, surrounded by a pool of blood. 

In death Wilbur wasn’t evil. He wasn’t angry or misguided or cruel. 

In death Wilbur was only Philza’s son, nothing more or less. 

Wilbur wasn’t okay, and he never would be again.

That’s all that Philza could know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry........   
> The pain. 
> 
> Other news, I'm going to change the update schedule for this story a bit, I've burnt through my buffer (I like to be a couple chapters ahead) and have other things I am writing as well.   
> This story will be updating twice weekly, on Wednesdays and Sundays. I'll try to let you know if that changes! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you thought of this chapter in the comments if you want, reading them brings me joy.  
> \--R&T


	10. One less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza tries to end the fighting, he needs to get Technoblade away from everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is still a fight going on.
> 
> TW: Disassociation, anxiety, panic, graphic descriptions of injury, violence, blood, nightmares

Tommy wasn’t okay. 

He wiped blood out of his face as he retreated away from the man he once called his brother. One of his friends jumped bravely in the gap, giving Tommy time to reach Tubbo where the smaller boy huddled on the rough ground. Tommy knelt next to him, frantically pulling armor aside to find the source of the blood that was rapidly pouring onto the dirt. 

“Where Tubbo? Where are you hurt?!” Tommy fought the tears that threatened to fill his eyes. He couldn’t lose Tubbo, not now, not after everything. Tubbo stirred and gasped painfully, grabbing both of Tommy’s hands in his own and forcing Tommy to stop searching for injuries. 

“Tommy, I’ll be okay, it’s just my shoulder.” Despite the reassurances Tommy yanked his hands away, peeling fabric from the wound. Tubbo’s dark blue eyes were filled with pain, but more than the physical there was the same agonizing emotional pain Tommy felt. Wilbur did this. Techno did this. Tubbo’s scarred face was a constant reminder…

Just when they thought they’d won, that things would finally be okay…

Tommy gasped as he spotted the gash. It was a clean cut from the top of Tubbo’s shoulder to his collarbone. It was too close to his neck for comfort. Tommy had to fight off gagging as he saw a glimpse of white bone in the space between skin and flesh. He ripped off his jacket and pressed the bundle of cloth to the bleeding, ignoring how Tubbo cried out in pain. 

He huddled over him even as he saw Techno approaching. 

Tommy pulled Tubbo closer, turning enough to protect him with his own body when Technoblade would reach them and be in range to strike them down. There was no doubt in his mind Techno would do it. 

He heard something like a wail of pure grief from somewhere nearby. His brain nagged with familiarity. Techno paused in his steady movements. 

Tommy wasn’t okay. 

* * *

Philza forced himself to lay down Wilbur’s body in the dirt. 

He had things he needed to do. His throat ached from wordlessly crying out in grief. Wilbur was dead, he had killed him.

Technoblade was facing a huddled form on the ground below. Tommy and Tubbo clung together. 

Philza leapt into the crater. He started calling to his son as soon as he could, trying to draw any of Techno’s attention to him. 

“Techno! Technoblade leave them alone!” Philza recognized absently how scolding his tone was, almost a reprimand more than anything. It was rather amusing…

Techno turned towards him. The piglin was absent, his eyes were flooded with a bloodrush deeper than Philza had ever seen. The blond man could only hold his arms out to his sides, he had no weapon on him, it was still-- don't think about that. Philza chided himself to focus. Techno gripped a sword in practiced hands. 

“Techno, it’s Phil. Listen to me, listen to my voice okay mate?” Techno took another step closer to him. Good. Closer to him, further from the boys. No recognition had blossomed yet, but it was a start. 

Somewhere nearby the wither was finally slain, the job made possible without Techno’s interference. 

Philza knew more than anyone in the world where Techno’s bloodrush came from. He forced his face to soften, even if he was in unimaginable pain, Techno needed to see calm.

“You’re safe Techno. No one is going to attack you.” It was true. All the strangers around just seemed relieved to not be being attacked themselves. They ran around gathering their injured and putting out fires. Only Tommy and Tubbo sat still. Philza spared them a quick glance.

Tommy’s blue eyes were wide, shock painting his expression. Tubbo didn’t look at him, the brunette was staring up towards the rim of the crater. Philza wondered how much he had seen. 

Technoblade’s eyes were gradually fading from a pure red, to a ruddier brown mixture. He moved closer, sword held limply at his side now. 

“Good job Tech, you’re doing great. Focus on me, I’m here now.” Another step. Another. 

Philza wanted to rush and hold his younger kids as they bled in the dirt. But he couldn’t. He ached as he gently took Techno’s free hand, guiding the piglin towards the edge of the crater. He needed to get Techno away first, so they would be safe. 

Then he could take care of them. 

Tommy’s eyes almost broke him again. They looked so scared, afraid and abandoned. 

Philza let tears stream down his face as he guided Technoblade away from the battlefield. 

“Let’s find somewhere to calm down.”

Techno wasn’t okay. 

Philza just wanted to help him be okay again.

That’s all he could know.

* * *

Philza found them a place in the mountains. He knew Technoblade found the cold more calming, he needed every advantage he could get. 

He walked Technoblade through the first steps of gathering wood, of laying a foundation. His son hadn’t spoken a word since they had left the horrible battleground. His eyes were a more familiar russet color, if somewhat ruddy, but things hadn’t seemed to really register for him yet.

Once he was sure his son could continue the motions without him, Philza started to treat his own injuries. 

Philza pushed down his feelings as much as he could. Techno was going to need him to be strong. 

The first days were hard. Techno was constantly on edge, Philza collected scrapes and scratches as his son lashed out automatically towards any sudden movements. Despite the struggles their house gradually was growing, walls and roof forming a frame of a soft cottage. Whenever he didn’t have direct guidance Techno would just sit, still as death, aimlessly staring at nothing. Philza didn’t know what he was thinking of. 

At nights Philza woke constantly with nightmares. It was always the same. 

Wilbur’s dead eyes, afraid, staring up at him. 

A single word spoken softly: “dad?”

Blood coating him, surrounding him, rising up and up… He woke coughing from the sensation of drowning in it. 

Each time he awoke Techno would stare at him from across the sheltered cave, eyes russet and passive. Philza took reassurance from his presence. 

Philza should have learned by now not to walk up behind Techno, but he was so sure his son knew he was there this time. 

“Hey Tech, do you have any oak wood in—” he shut his eyes and flinched away as the piglin spun, sword swinging towards him again. Damnit. He would need to brew more healing potions…

The blow never connected. Philza looked up cautiously, the sword was frozen mid-swing, centimeters away. It was shaking. 

Technoblade was staring with eyes blown far too wide, trembling from head to foot. He collapsed onto his knees, breathing heavily. Philza followed him to the snowy ground, gradually leaning closer and broadcasting his movements. He rubbed a calloused hand on his son’s shoulder, wrapping the red cloak tighter around him as he shook violently. 

“Techno, you there son?” Pink hair draped around Techno’s shoulders as he turned his head away. His breathing was terrible, gasping for air like it would escape him. 

“Phil?” The word was soft, whispered out between ragged gasps. 

“Yes son, yes I’m here. You’re safe Techno.” Tears dripped, hot into the snow, from Philza’s eyes as his son raised his head. His eyes were a familiar russet brown, he was present. 

“Where are we?” He sounded afraid, but Philza knew if Techno was aware it meant he felt safer than he had in a while. It didn’t mean the explanation would be easy. 

“Somewhere safe. We are building a house here, let’s go inside Tech.” Philza helped his son to his feet, ignoring his questions for the moment, desperate to keep him here with him mentally as long as possible. 

The piglin let himself be guided into the half-completed structure. Philza sat him near a fire, gently adding more wood to fuel the flames. Philza sniffed and wiped his eyes. 

This was a start. Techno was here.

Techno could be okay. 

He had more to do, but for now, that was all he needed to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Techno is with Philza now.  
> He can start to calm down, he is safe. 
> 
> Let me know what you though of this chapter!! <3  
> \--R&T


	11. Some wounds time doesn't heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade is slowly getting better.   
> Tommy and Tubbo however.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exile arc beginning.
> 
> TW: Injury, referenced abuse, referenced violence, blood, anxiety

Tubbo wasn’t okay. 

He stared uncomprehending at the new pitch-black walls encircling L’Manburg. His hand unconsciously crept to his face, running his fingers over the burn scars that rose from the skin. For the hundredth time that day Tubbo wondered why they made HIM president…

Even in the aftermath of everything, of Techno’s attack, of Wilbur’s explosions, of Wilbur’s death…

They still seated a sixteen-year-old with the responsibility to lead a nation into the future. And now this. 

Tubbo couldn’t remember the last time he slept through the night. Was it since Wilbur blew up L’Manburg? Or sometime before? Maybe since the festival…

Regardless, he was tired. Exhausted. The only things keeping him going were his responsibilities and desire to fulfil them, and Tommy. But even Tommy had been absent lately. He really did care about Tubbo, he knew that, but Tommy also cared about his disks. That was why Tommy refused the presidency after all. Well that, and Tommy didn’t like to be bored, tied down with adult necessities. He was more than willing to give _those_ to Tubbo. 

Tubbo tried to swallow the bitterness in his throat. He was stuck as president while Tommy ran around with the new arrival, with his new friend Ranboo. Tubbo valiantly fought back tears. He couldn’t let anyone see him cry, maybe it was a holdover from being under Schlatt’s control, but the anxiety remained. 

Dream had done this. He would be by soon with some ultimatum. Tubbo didn’t want to face it. He couldn’t—

No. 

Tubbo fled back towards the crowded buildings, dodging through alleys when he heard concerned voices. He could talk to his cabinet about what this meant for the country later, for now he just needed—

He flung the door to the house he and Tommy shared open, breathing heavily. No one was there. The house was empty. Why? Tubbo managed to close the door behind him before he collapsed to the floor, shaking breaths making his head spin. He needed Tommy. This was too much, why wasn’t Tommy here?

“Tubbo? Hello?” The voice was certainly not Tommy’s, but it was enough to get Tubbo’s attention. The lilting tone, and the fact that the door didn’t open, told him who it belonged to without looking.

“Hello Ghostbur.” Tubbo sniffled, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. It was strange how easily everyone had accepted the phantom as part of daily life, but Tubbo wasn’t going to question it. Not when some remnant of his older brother hung around. Not when he had seen—

Philza. Dad. Stabbed Wilbur through the chest. Then he took Techno and left. He left them bleeding on the ground and took Technoblade to safety. 

Tubbo realized he was losing control of his breathing again when he felt an odd sensation brush his arm. Ghostbur carried a light piece of blue wool, shoving it into his arms with childlike innocence. 

“Have some blue Tubbo.” 

“Thanks Ghostbur.” 

Tubbo tried to pull himself together. Tommy wasn’t here right now. Philza wasn’t. He was glad Techno wasn’t. Wilbur was nothing more than a trace of himself, floating in the wind. 

He had to take care of the country, before anything else, that was the job he had been given. He would do good. 

As Tubbo tried to straighten his tie in front of the mirror he refused to look at his own eyes, certainly red rimmed from crying. 

Tubbo knew he wasn’t okay. 

But no one was there to help him.

* * *

Tommy wasn’t okay. 

He screamed profanities as Dream dragged him away with an unrelenting grip on his arm. How could he?! How could Tubbo kick him out like nothing, after everything they had gone through together! No betrayal had hurt this much. Tommy felt himself growing numb as Dream forced him into a boat. L’Manburg grew smaller behind him in the distance as they rowed away.

The figure standing on the wall became imperceptible. Tommy looked away. 

“Oh, are you going on vacation? Can I come?” Dream jerked slightly at Ghostbur’s surprise appearance, Tommy sneered at his stupid masked face. Eventually Dream shrugged. 

“Sure. Follow close, we’re going far away.” 

Tommy felt hope shrinking as they traveled for hours in unfamiliar terrain. He had never been very good at navigating, he would never find his way back. 

Tubbo had sent him away, Tubbo…

His last brother he could trust had broken the last bond that held Tommy to his family. Now he had no one. 

Eventually Dream was satisfied with his distance, leaving Tommy on a seemingly random beach. 

“Don’t come back, or I will kill you. I’ll come check up on you from time to time, okay?” 

“Fuck you Dream!” Tommy felt rage rise in his chest as Dream laughed in the face of his vitriol.

“Sure Tommathy, you’ll be glad to see me soon enough.” 

And then Tommy was alone. Starting from scratch. 

Tommy was truly abandoned and angry, he had been sent away from the place he had given everything up for. Now… he was nothing. 

He was empty. 

Dream was right, soon Tommy was glad to see him. Any companionship, any trace of care was devoured, however manipulative it might be. 

Tommy realized Dream was the only person that cared about him. 

The young man stared out over fields of lava almost every day, compass given by Ghostbur in hand. He felt like he was floating. He hated his family for teaching him to crave friendship and comfort and shitty pretenses of love. He hated broken promises and false safety. 

Tommy was not okay.

* * *

Philza strode up to the newly rebuilt city for the first time since the day he had arrived in this land. 

Technoblade was well enough to be left alone for days at a time now, he needed to take the opportunity and visit his other sons. He looked forward to it with a father’s desperation to help his children. He dreaded it with all the fear of a man who was sure he had failed those he loved. 

Philza felt someone staring at him curiously as he strolled down the wooden staircase that descended towards the marketplace. A young fox hybrid, no older than fourteen at most, cocked his head at him, then widened his eyes. Before Philza could call out a greeting the boy was gone, running at full sprint towards several houses. 

Philza looked around, hoping for someone to help him find Tubbo and Tommy. The others in the city square mostly ignored him, chatting with each other and happily going about their lives, the massive crater below their feet little more than a bad memory. 

Rapid footsteps echoed on the wood. They rushed towards him, Philza raised his head and moved towards the brown-haired boy who stopped in front of him, panting for breath. 

“Tubbo…” Philza swept forward, his son, he was here. It would be okay now, Philza was here and he was with Tubbo, he could protect him and—

Oh. Oh god. Shit. 

Tubbo flinched away from his open arms. The young man took several quick steps back, cringing downward and away from the motion of Philza’s attempted embrace. His arms lifted reflexively, defensive. 

Philza was drawn back to the memory of a boy in a box, huddling and scared. But he shouldn’t… he was safe…

No. Philza looked at his son, really looked at him. Dark circles ringed the blue eyes, almost faded with loss of energy. He wore a clean shirt and tie, he looked so official and grown up. He had a sword on his hip. Someone made him fight. He flinched away like he hadn’t since he was a child. His face—

The right side of Tubbo’s chin and jaw was rippled with uneven scarring, reaching up towards his cheekbone. Burn scars. Suddenly Techno’s fearful whispers of half-remembered fire and explosions held a more morbid meaning than just nightmares. 

“Tubbo?”

“Hello Philza.” No dad, no Phil. Tubbo straightened, and forced a smile. “I wasn’t sure you would be coming around. Good to see you.” The words weren’t reflected in his eyes. 

Philza didn’t think his son was actually unhappy to see him… there was just so much beneath the surface he couldn’t touch upon.

At least not yet.

“Hello son, how are you and Tommy doing lately?” Tubbo dramatically stiffened, his eyes somehow dulled further, the young man visibly withdrew into himself. 

“Tommy isn’t here if it’s him you’re looking for. He was exiled. Ghostbur went with him. But you are welcome to build or buy a house here if you wish.” 

“What!” Philza didn’t intend the word to be flung out so harshly, but nothing Tubbo had said made any sense at all. “Where is Tommy? What the hell is a ‘Ghostbur’?!” 

Philza took a step back as Tubbo seemed to shatter in front of him. For a single heartbeat the boy’s eyes were filled with tears. His hand wiped across his face and they were gone. 

“He was exiled. I don’t—I don’t know where he is. Ghostbur is Wilbur’s ghost. He stuck around somehow after you killed him and ran off with Techno.”

“Tubbo… what happened to you?” Tubbo looked away.

“What do you care Phil?” Tubbo spat the words out venomously. Philza wasn’t given a chance to protest as he continued without breath. “Anyways, I’m busy now. Fundy will help you if you want to buy some land or a house. Goodbye.” Tubbo turned without another word. The fox hybrid walked up and introduced himself. Philza watched his son walk away. 

No.

Tubbo was not okay. 

Philza didn’t know what to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one is having a good time. Well, except Techno, he's feeling significantly better.   
> Yes, the whole exiling moved fast, but that's because I want to get back into Philza's pov as much as I can... and he wasn't there for those events...... soo..... I hope it still reads well.   
> Also Ghostbur! He's here, he's happy, he has no idea what's going on.   
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter! <3   
> \--R&T


	12. Exiled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is living in exile, Philza is trying to make L'Manburg a home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the chapter being a little late, I've been so inspired this week........   
> Anyways!
> 
> TW: starvation, manipulation, abuse, injury, grief, anxiety, repeated words, poor mental self-talk

Tommy wasn’t okay with waking up in chest-high water, compass around his chest pointing further into the ocean. 

His sleepwalking was getting out of hand, he sputtered as he hastily made his way back towards shore, shivering in the early morning air. He made his way to his little camp, wooden walls forming some protection from hostile mobs. Fortunately the fire hadn’t gone out entirely, he was able to build it back up and bask in its warmth. 

Pathetic.

Tommy’s mind repeated the word as he looked aimlessly around his new living arrangements. The last weeks had been slow progress. He was so entirely alone. There was a time that Tommy had been happy to be alone, he didn’t remember much of it, but he knew he had been on his own before. He knew he had survived alone as a child before Phil took him in. That’s what made the pain in his chest so frustrating.

Pathetic. 

His morning started like many others. Tommy fought off the hostile mobs that lingered in the trees before starting to scrounge for food. The burst of joy when he heard footsteps was unwelcome.

Pathetic.

“Hey Tommy, how’s it going?” Dream tilted his head, Tommy knew he probably looked smug under the mask. He was happy to have someone there, and he hated it.

“How do you think it’s going?” Tommy scoffed and kept chopping down a tree, gathering the logs up and stacking them as he prepared for the routine. 

“Alright, armor and weapons in the hole Tommy.” There it was. 

Weeks ago Tommy fought back against Dream’s demands. That was weeks ago. Now he was already shrugging off the armor before Dream gave the word, willingly getting his spare sword out of the chest before Dream even asked. All of it was thrown in the pit.

Pathetic.

Tommy carefully regarded Dream as the older man threw a stick of explosives in the hole, destroying the contents casually. He had done good today… he did what Dream wanted so maybe…

“Good Tommy. Anything else?”

Tommy’s mind flashed to a hidden pocket under the floorboards of his house, a painting and compass along with some other supplies hidden within. His one last modicum of rebellion. 

“Nope, that’s it.” 

Dream nodded, satisfied. Tommy waited to see if the leader of the SMP would leave or stay for a while. He really, really wanted him to stay for a while. Dream was the only one who bothered to visit, even if he was… demanding… so long as Tommy did what he said they could be friends. No one else cared. 

Pathetic.

“Well, let me help you carry these logs.” Tommy tried to hide his tired smile. He wiped the smears of sweat and dirt away from his eyes, knowing it didn’t do much good. His stomach growled incessantly as they worked, but Tommy ignored it as usual. There wasn’t much food out in exile. 

It was early afternoon when they took a break, Tommy ran over to his house and grabbed some stew, offering some of his meager supply to Dream. Dream refused, casually leaning against the wall in his kitchen silently. Eventually the masked man started pacing around the room, Tommy felt anxiety spark in his chest. Dream was tapping his feet on the floor, pausing occasionally, still silent.

“What are you doing big man?” Tommy dared to question him, raising his voice to try to cover for—

“What is this Tommy?” Shit. Fuck. Dream pulled open the floorboard as soon as he heard the hollow thunk beneath his feet. Tommy could feel him glaring daggers despite not being able to see his eyes. 

“After all I’ve done for you! You do this to me?! Hiding things from me? Tommy?!” Tommy shrank back, some part of him wanted to shout and fight, but he was out of practice. His only friend was right, he had hidden this from him, he should have—

“NO! Dream please, I’m sorry!” Tommy shot forward as Dream started throwing explosives around the room, around his crude house recklessly. The man pushed him back, Tommy was too weak to resist. 

The small home he had built for himself exploded into ruins. Again. 

Pathetic.

Rubble was all that remained. Dream emerged from the dust. 

“Are you watching Tommy? See, you made me do this! Now I have to destroy everything just to teach you a lesson.” Tommy heard himself pleading, he willingly started throwing all his current possessions on the ground, trying to get Dream to stop. Dream kicked them aside. 

“I’m so sorry Dream, you’re right, I won’t do it again I—”

“Your damn right you won’t do it again!” Dream razed remaining structures easily as Tommy watched. Eventually the man approached the obsidian frame that surrounded an ender portal, his last link to his friends. “You cannot go in the nether anymore Tommy! You hear me?”

“Yes Dream, I hear you.” Tommy whispered the words earnestly.

“Good. No visitors either, I won’t be coming every day anymore! I’ll be around at least once a week, maybe once you’ve proven you’ve learned then I can be around more often again.” 

Tommy broke.

Pathetic.

He felt hot tears run down his face as Dream left. Tommy crumpled in a heap, torn clothes further tattered by the nearby explosions. He was really alone again. He had messed up and now—

Tommy cried like he hadn’t since he was a child. There was no one to see after all. He felt defeated. He felt hollow. He started building a tower. 

It had always been a hobby, see how high you can build until it starts crumbling down. It usually made Tommy feel better. It didn’t this time. He built and built until he was standing high above the ground, small platform unsteady beneath him. There was a long time where Tommy just gazed at the world below, blue eyes almost grey in their emptiness. 

Eventually he felt something new. A heat grew in the pit of his stomach, familiar and welcome. Oh, he was angry. Dream never cared. Tommy’s heart broke when he affirmed this to himself.

Pathetic.

He was just here to keep Tommy under guard, and Tommy had eaten it up.

Pathetic.

No one cared. Tommy was utterly alone. Even Philza had run off with Technoblade, Wilbur was a ghost, Tubbo… Tubbo had exiled him. Tommy still missed him so much.

Pathetic.

Tommy jumped off the edge of the platform fearlessly. The cold water of the ocean was a welcome shock to his system. He swam to the surface with one goal in mind. 

He was leaving. 

Tommy walked through the rubble and scavenged anything that could help him, it was only chance that the faint glimmer of enchantment caught his eyes. He dusted off the compass, staring at its cracked glass, the red arrow held steady. 

Tommy walked to the base of his new tower and laid the compass in the dirt. He was leaving. He wouldn’t be needing it anyway. 

With his limited gear Tommy went on his way. Headed for the nearest mountain rage, determined to get as far away as possible. 

The cold crept in far too quickly. 

Snow slowed him down, his ragged clothes didn’t keep the chill from reaching his bones. When he saw faint light in the distance, he couldn’t not head towards it, otherwise…

When he got close enough to recognize the handiwork, Tommy seriously considered turning around and letting the snowy night take him. There was no way he could knock on that door. He hated who lived here… didn’t he? Tommy growled under his breath; it was getting hard to focus. 

In his stubborn indecision Tommy had the choice taken from him entirely. The day caught up to him as he stood still outside the wooden door. It wasn’t long before he collapsed, unconscious on the inviting porch. 

If the young man could have seen himself, he would have thought one single thing.

Pathetic.

Tommy wasn’t okay.

* * *

Philza did indeed buy a house in L’Manburg. He tried to spend as much time there as he safely could, it was still hard to leave Technoblade alone for any length of time. But Philza knew he was needed from the moment he laid eyes on Tubbo. 

Additionally he had somehow managed to become a grandparent of sort to the fox hybrid he had met earlier. Fundy was young, and apparently Wilbur had taken the kid in after finding him in a river? Or something? Philza refused to believe the kid was the offspring of his eldest child and a salmon, surely that was a joke. 

Still, Fundy clung to him. The occasional reminders that Philza himself had in fact killed his pseudo-father did not dissuade him. Philza soon found himself making a room for the boy in his own house, making sure he was fed and clothed. Somehow the kid seemed to have made it through everything somewhat unscathed, well, except for the extreme abandonment issues. 

Oh and the fact that he had been a literal fucking child soldier. 

Philza did not like the picture that was being painted of Wilbur. He was quite eager for this reported ‘Ghostbur’ to come around and clear some things up. 

Despite its idyllic appearance, L’manburg was tense. The countries leaders acted like tightly wound springs, ready to jump at any perceived threat. Even Tubbo was reactive, always armed and constantly making sure the place was guarded, that the borders were secure. Philza didn’t entirely understand who they were guarding against. 

It was only by chance that he was in the market on the day Quackity, the Secretary of State in L’Manburg, started hanging up the wanted posters. 

For a long moment Philza was dumbfounded, mouth hanging open as he saw the depiction of Technoblade on the fabric, large as life. He almost laughed, this was absurd… wasn’t it? 

“What’s all this about?” Philza gestured vaguely to the signs that seemed to be on every corner, offering a reward for Techno’s capture. 

“Oh, Tubbo is finally taking a stand for this country!” Quackity straightened, haughtily grinning at Philza. “He authorized us to declare Technoblade a criminal after all he did.”

Philza stuttered. 

“But why? He’s just out living alone now, he doesn’t want to be involved anymore.” Quackity’s face darkened, something malicious hanging behind his eyes. 

“Oh, you know where he is then? That’s good to know old man. Very good to know.” Philza felt a creeping fear run through his veins. As Quackity turned to continue his work he could only reassure himself by returning home, carefully placing the compass that led to Techno’s house in a deep chest.

Techno’s okay. That’s all he needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost didn't get this chapter out today, but I did!!!   
> If you've seen streams of the last two days I wrote a one-shot about an alternate way some things yesterday could have gone... feel free to check it out if you're interested! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and yes, Tommy collapsed on Techno's doorway, wonder how that will go.  
> <3--R&T


	13. Loyalties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade finds someone on his doorstep.   
> Where do his loyalties lie?  
> Philza is asked for some information.  
> Where do his loyalties lie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter... It went a slightly different direction than I had planned.... but I like it. 
> 
> TW: referenced violence, referenced manipulation and abuse, anxiety, panic, trauma

Technoblade yawned and stretched, starting his morning off right. The piglin was pleasantly surprised that it had stopped snowing overnight, hopefully he could get some more work done outside. First he had to feed Carl of course and—

Techno quizzically paused as he started pushing open his front door. It was meeting resistance, almost as if it were held in place by something. His first instinct was to blame the snow, but the porch was covered and protected from even the heaviest snowfall. He hesitantly opened it wide enough to peer out and see what was there. On the other side of the door lay…

No. 

Nope. 

Techno firmly shut the door again. He was not ready to interact with people. Much less Tommy. He only got a few steps into the house before his conscience started eating at him. He groaned and mumbled a compliant at Philza for turning him soft. 

But. Well. Technoblade’s hand dropped to the small knife, always strapped to his waist. It was Tommy. He carefully opened the front door again, mentally berating himself the whole time. Tommy lay in a heap on the porch, half frozen and in generally terrible shape. Techno felt a twinge in his gut. He bent down next to the young blond, shaking his shoulder lightly.

“Tommy? Hey, wake up.” Tommy didn’t stir. He was cold, way, way too cold. In a sweep of movement Techno grabbed his brother in his arms, carrying him inside and placing him in front of the fireplace. Tommy was… skinny. Practically emaciated. He looked beat up and worn. Techno wondered how he even made it here, in the snow and with only those rags for clothes. 

The piglin got to work quickly, efficiently making a fire and wrapping Tommy in as many blankets as he could find. Techno figured Philza wouldn’t mind his being used. While Tommy was warming up from the brink of death, Techno started making some stew, hoping the warm food would help. 

It took a while, but eventually Tommy woke up. 

Technoblade practically cowered in the kitchen, he couldn’t remember what had happened last time Tommy had seen him, but from what Phil said there was a miniscule chance that Tommy would be anything other than angry and afraid to have Techno there. Dammit Phil. Why couldn’t you be here for this?

“uhhhh shit…” Techno snorted despite himself. That was very much like Tommy. 

The blond stared at the fire for a long minute, swaying lightly as he sat up. He looked confused, and Techno wasn’t surprised. He would be confused too if he woke up somewhere different than what he was used to. Slowly Tommy looked around, blue eyes grayer than Techno remembered. 

“What the hell!?” Tommy jerked back violently when he saw Techno standing in the kitchen, Techno waved. Why had he waved? That seemed rather stupid… Techno prepared himself for some mocking comments or maybe to get shouted at, but Tommy didn’t seem to have it in him. The young man slumped back onto the couch, seeming to shrink into himself. 

For several minutes they both stayed silent, awkwardness stretching as they felt each other out. Technoblade normally would have just left in the face of such social pressure, but Tommy was hurt and undoubtedly hungry. So he took a deep breath, reminded himself he was safe even if Tommy started shouting at him, and poured a bowl of stew. 

“Here.” 

Tommy shrank back as Techno approached, it was so uncharacteristic from the normally bold teen that the piglin actually froze for a moment, evaluating. Eventually he held out the bowl, letting Tommy take it from him. The young man practically snatched it out of his hands, huddling over it and greedily eating. His eyes kept glancing up warily, making sure Techno wasn’t going to take it from him. 

The piglin raised his hands and backed away slowly, as if Tommy were a frightened wolf, ready to attack when cornered. 

While he returned to the kitchen Technoblade realized something very important. 

Tommy wasn’t okay. 

But he was here now, and he was Techno’s responsibility. He needed to keep himself under control for both of their sakes now. It wasn’t something Techno ever would have wanted, but it was the way things were. 

Philza had helped him be okay, now he had to help Tommy. 

That’s all he knew to do.

* * *

Tubbo winced involuntarily as Quackity shouted across the meeting table. 

He hated looking weak or fragile and he especially hated the way Quackity sneered when he flinched. The Secretary of State had taken to pushing Tubbo around since he became president. He knew the older man was taking advantage of his emotional state to fuel his own agenda, but Tubbo didn’t know how to stop it. He didn’t have the energy to fight back, echoes of being called like Schlatt hung in his ears, he couldn’t risk upsetting his cabinet like that again.

So, he nodded along as Quackity proposed his plan.

“Look, Technoblade is a fucking menace! We need to find him and arrest him, put him on trial!” 

The dark haired man gesticulated expressively as he spoke, fierce passion in his eyes. Tubbo hesitantly looked around the room. Fundy was standing near the wall, eagerly agreeing as he nodded his head. The boy deserved to be in these meetings, if only because he had fought for the country as much as anyone. Tubbo couldn’t exclude him in good conscience when he wanted to be there. 

Ranboo, thankfully, looked back at Tubbo with mirrored concern.

“How would we even find him? He could be anywhere.” Ranboo sat half-folded into his chair, long legs taking up most of the space under the table. 

“But he isn’t anywhere, we know that someone here is visiting him! We just need to get him to tell us where that criminal is hiding out.” 

“I don’t…” Tubbo stuttered when the attention turned towards him in full. “I don’t think Phil will tell us, if that’s who you mean.”

“We’ll make him then! If he doesn’t comply with the country then he’s a traitor, right Tubbo?” Quackity’s dark eyes looked dangerous as he glared, darning Tubbo to disagree. The young president swallowed heavily. 

“We just want to put him on trial, fair representation and all that?”

“Exactly Tubbo, just a trial.” 

Okay. This could be fine. This…

“Okay. We can go ask Phil.”

Tubbo realized, as Quackity led the way out of the meeting hall, that he had lost control of the situation. He tried to take deep breaths, but he didn’t want to face his adoptive father right now.

His hand unconsciously crept up to his face, fingers rubbing burn scars that still hurt sometimes, whether reality or memory he didn’t know. He didn’t know if he could face his brother. 

Tubbo clutched a compass in his suit pocket, focusing on the feeling of smooth metal and glass. 

He wished Tommy were there with him.

* * *

Philza grimaced as he peered out the window, eyeing the well-armed group approaching his front door with apprehension. 

Quackity, whom Philza had quickly learned to avoid over the past few weeks, was leading the way. His face was set in steely determination that couldn’t mean anything good. Behind him was Fundy, almost bouncing up to the door, eagerly grinning with sharp canines. The last two members of the group trailed behind. Philza didn’t know Ranboo well, but the tall hybrid kept giving concerned glances at Tubbo. Tubbo was unreadable, emotions masked behind a blank expression that was becoming all too familiar. 

Philza swung the door open before Quackity could knock, taking some satisfaction in how the younger man stumbled in surprise. 

There was a minute of awkward silence, Philza stared sternly at Quackity, daring him to make the first move. Eventually he cleared his throat, reaching up to nervously adjust the beanie around his ears, dark eyes fixed stubbornly on Phil’s face. 

“Can we come in?” 

Philza stepped back without a word, clearing the way to the comfortable living room. He tilted his head quizzically at Fundy, the young boy glowered at him in response, eyes narrowed. 

“I’ll cut right to the chase old man, we are looking for Technoblade.” Quackity seemed to gain some confidence with their admittance to the house, Philza forced his face to stay indifferent. 

“And you, as a citizen of L’Manburg, and per request of the president,” Tubbo jerked from near the door, seemingly startled to have Quackity reference him. Philza saw him briefly meet his eyes, before turning them back towards the ground, staring intently at the floor. “We demand that you to tell us where Technoblade is.” 

Philza couldn’t hold back a snort. Really? This is what they wanted to do? Right now?

“And if I were to tell you, what then, what’s your big plan?” 

“We’re going to arrest him!! Punish him for everything he did to this country!” Phil was taken aback by Fundy’s words, filled with pain, anger, and resentment. He stepped forward, ears pinned and twitching. “I thought you said I was like your grandson! Why can’t you just tell us so I can be safe, huh?”

“Listen to me, all of you. Technoblade isn’t a threat anymore, he just wants to live in peace, he’s changed for the better.” Philza gently reached out a hand, aiming to put it on Fundy’s shoulder. Fundy jerked away. 

“That doesn’t change anything he’s done!” Quackity was back in Philza’s face, on hand on his axe in the vaguest of threats. Philza refused to be cowed by the show of force.

“You aren’t the president! Take a step back and think about this! Tubbo, is this what you want?” 

Suddenly all eyes turned to Tubbo. Philza almost regretted his words as the young man shrank visibly under the force of the expectant scrutiny. Tubbo’s eyes were wide, and Philza winced as he watched his hand unconsciously creep up to his face, fingertips rubbing rippled scars. 

“I—I…” Tubbo hesitated, looking to all the world like a cornered animal, eyes flickering for escape. Now he was nearly scratching at the scars, nervously scraping over the skin. “He still… it doesn’t change what he’s done.” 

Quackity took that as affirmation enough, grinning from ear to ear with his apparent victory. 

“Listen Philza, you’re a citizen of L’Manburg, we’re trying to get justice for our country, you should care about this as much as we do!” 

Philza set his mouth in a hard line. 

“I’m not telling you where he is. I don’t know where you’ve gotten the idea that I’m loyal to this country, but I honestly couldn’t care less! I’m not loyal to any spot of land, **only to my family**.” 

“Well, that’s just not true.” As his house erupted in chaos, Fundy showing them where to search, Philza met Tubbo’s eyes. The smaller boy stared at him from across the room, sentence spoken in a near whisper. 

“Either that’s not true or… or I… was I ever part of your family Phil? Did you ever really…” Tubbo’s words were drowned out as Fundy shouted exuberantly, holding up the compass proudly. Philza’s heart sank. 

The triumphant group started filing out, Quackity gave Fundy strict instructions to keep Philza there, he was on house arrest or some shit. Philza wasn’t really paying attention. Tubbo stared at him with broken eyes, devoid of tears, just pure heartbreak in the blue irises. 

“I wish you had left me in that box Phil.” 

As Tubbo left with his cabinet, Philza dropped to his knees on the hard wood floor. He ignored Fundy’s mocking words as the fox hybrid proudly positioned himself in front of the door. The man realized he was exhausted. 

He… he had failed his family. 

Wilbur was dead by his hands.

Tommy was out in the wilderness, alone.

Technoblade was about to be hunted down.

And Tubbo…

Tubbo didn’t believe he had ever been part of their family to begin with. 

Philza knew all this, and it was too much to bear. He rested his head in his hands, and wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was not supposed to end quite so sadly... but uh... here we are.   
> I hope you enjoyed it, trust, once broken, is hard to repair. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought in the comments, I love reading responses to my writing <3  
> Thank you for reading.  
> \--R&T


	14. Butchers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Led by Quackity, Tubbo's small cabinet head out to capture Technoblade.  
> Techno is having to deal with Tommy's nonsense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Butcher army time!
> 
> TW: Blood, violence, panic attack, anxiety, flashbacks, referenced abuse, referenced manipulation, threats

“Really, Tommy? How much of my stuff did you steal?” 

Technoblade sighed as he descended the ladder to Tommy’s little basement bedroom. Unless there was something else emptying his chests of valuables, he was fairly certain Tommy was to blame for the missing supplies. It wasn’t like Techno would have begrudged him some things, but this was going a little far. 

He reached the bottom of the ladder and turned, staring sternly at Tommy as the blond crossed his arms and stood up defiantly. His brother had only been here a couple days, but he was already getting significantly stronger, mostly due to actually having sufficient food.

“You’re a bitch.” 

Helpful. So helpful. 

Technoblade suppressed a groan as he rubbed his face. Tommy wouldn’t speak a word about how he ended up freezing on his doorstep, and now he had just taken over his basement and was hoarding his things like a…

“You’re like a raccoon.” 

Tommy released a puff of air, almost a laugh. Techno pursed his lips to avoid smiling. 

“Have you taken my gold?” Techno reached over and opened the nearest chest, rolling his eyes when he saw it filled to the brim with gold bars and ender pearls. He froze as he saw Tommy jerk from the corner of his eye, blue eyes widening as he backed away. 

Okay. Well. Though he was aware he wasn’t the best at interpersonal stuff, he could see fear in the way Tommy kept glancing between him and the ladder, as if planning his escape. 

Slowly and carefully Techno closed the lid of the box, taking only a couple ender pearls and the sack of gold that he actually needed.

“There. Just ask if you need something Tommy, don’t steal like a raccoon boy.” Techno carefully repeated the joke, and was gratified by the faint smile that traced Tommy’s lips for a moment, before being replaced by a joking scowl.

“I’m not a raccoon! Get out of my room!” 

Techno was prepared to continue the exchange, if only because he figured a little more socialization would be good for Tommy, but froze when he heard a noise upstairs. Tommy seemed to hear it too, immediately the skinny boy was on high alert. 

“Stay here, I’ll see what it is. Probably just some raccoons come thinking you’re one of them.” Techno climbed up the ladder, closing the trapdoor tightly behind him. 

“Hello?” The airy voice was slightly muffled through the door. “Knock, knock”

Only one person would say the words ‘knock, knock’. Technoblade opened the door easily, welcoming the ghost of his dead brother inside. 

Ghostbur, as Tommy had introduced him, showed up the day after Tommy did. Because, as if the shock of one of his younger brothers showing up on his doorstep wasn’t enough, now he had to deal with Wilbur’s amnesiac spirit floating around. He didn’t even want to consider the emotional implications of Wilbur being a ghost… He hadn’t had time to really process it. 

Philza had told him Wilbur was dead, that he had died during the attack on L’Manburg. Technoblade knew he had been part of that. But Ghostbur didn’t provide any additional context. If anything, the ghost remembered less than Techno did, which was saying something. 

He floated in and out of the rooms, happily dropping bits of blue wool everywhere. 

Despite his misgivings, Techno felt a bit of warmth in his chest every time Ghostbur came around. It was like part of Wilbur was still with him. Technoblade wasn’t himself when Wilbur died… and his last memories of him were those of a manipulative man Techno barely recognized as his brother. Someone using him as a weapon to fulfill his own ends. Someone making him hurt his family. 

This new, innocent Ghostbur, was nice in comparison.

He still missed his brother.

“Are you expecting visitors Technoblade?” Ghostbur’s voice was cheery.

“Uhh, no… Why?” Techno was not expecting visitors, as far as he was aware no one knew where he was, only Philza. 

“Oh! Well, there were some people headed this way, I passed them in the woods. I thought they might be coming here, but I could be wrong.” 

A sharp bolt of fear tore through Techno’s chest, making his vision blur and his breathing quicken. 

Stay steady. Breathe. Tommy is downstairs, keep it together. 

“Who? What people Wilbur?” 

“Hmmm well, they’re from L’Manburg… they had all their armor on and stuff!” Techno gritted his teeth together. 

This was bad, this was bad, this was very bad.

He hastily started pulling his own armor on, before hesitating. For once in his life, he didn’t want to fight. Not with Tommy here, hiding in his basement and Philza who-knows-where. 

“You gotta go Ghostbur. Get out of here.”

“Hmmmm?” 

“You should go far away from here, just get somewhere safe okay?” He wasn’t sure how he felt about the Ghost of his dead brother, but he wasn’t going to risk losing him. 

Wilbur agreed half-heartedly, floating away towards some sheep in the distance. Good. Techno didn’t know what was going to happen next and he wasn’t prepared. He didn’t know what to do, he could try to get potions brewed, or sharpen his weapons… but the people were probably close now…

Tommy. 

Technoblade shot down to the trapdoor, opening it just a crack to peer down. Tommy stood under the ladder, grey-blue eyes wide and afraid.

“Stay down there Tommy, there are some people coming here alright? I’ll take care of it, just stay put.” Tommy didn’t answer but Techno shut the trapdoor anyway, carefully moving a table overtop of it. It wasn’t heavy enough to prevent Tommy from getting out if he needed to, but it would at least be another layer of safety. Techno didn’t know what had happened to Tommy for him to end up here, but it couldn’t be good for people to see him. 

As he gathered some last supplies Techno heard footsteps crunching in the snow. He took a deep, forced breath. 

Time to face whatever was coming. 

* * *

Philza kneeled on his wooden floor for a long time, just bathing in his grief. 

There was nothing he could do, never in his life had he felt so helpless. Not even when his children were away, at least then there was a bit of blissful ignorance planted in the belief that they would take care of each other. 

But he had been wrong. 

Wilbur had led his younger brothers down the wrong path. He had pushed Technoblades towards terrible violence. 

And Philza hadn’t been there. 

* * *

Tubbo forced his breathing to stay controlled as he hiked through the snow. 

They had ridden most of the way, but when they thought they were getting close the horses were left behind for the sake of preparedness. Quackity led the way, holding the compass out in front of him like a beacon, following the red arrow towards its destination. 

Tubbo was reminded of a compass, heavy in his own pocket, arrow pointing towards his best friend in exile. It made his heart ache to think of it. Maybe after this… maybe he would go visit him. Yes, that was right. Whatever happened now, he would go visit Tommy once it was over. No amount of pressure from his cabinet could stop him.

The thought made him smile lightly despite the stress and anxiety he was under. 

Tubbo didn’t really think their chances of capturing Technoblade were high anyway. It didn’t matter that they outnumbered him three to one, or even that they had the best gear they could gather, Technoblade was another creature entirely when it came to fighting. If he didn’t willingly surrender… they would be walking away bleeding, if they could walk away at all. 

Tubbo didn’t want to fight him. Tubbo didn’t want to die. 

After the festival Tubbo had even somewhat forgiven Technoblade. Sure, he was hurt and had scars, mental and physical, that he was sure would never fully fade away, but he had tried to understand how pressured Techno felt. He knew it was a bad situation for everyone. But then, Technoblade hadn’t apologized since the moment he pulled the trigger, hadn’t even looked at him in the eyes since it happened. He didn’t seem to care. 

Wilbur and Technoblade had destroyed his home in the end. Techno had attacked him again. Philza had killed Wilbur, then abandoned him. He had sent away Tommy himself. 

Tubbo was so alone. 

“Why have you all come here?” Techno walked out into the front of the cottage. Tubbo’s blood ran cold. 

Quackity strode forward and sneered, casting the compass away in the snow.

“You’ve got to pay for your war crimes!” Tubbo nodded agreement, stepping to Quackity’s side. 

“What? No, listen, I’m just trying to live out here in peace okay? That was in the past and… I wasn’t myself then! I’m a better person now, Tubbo.” Tubbo shrunk back from his brot—no. No. Technoblades gaze. This wasn’t about him. Nothing had ever been about him. Trying to plead using their ‘family’ connection was more than meaningless now. 

“You literally helped Wilbur destroy L’Manburg.” Tubbo was pleased with how even his voice stayed, despite the turmoil rolling in his gut. “You attacked us so we couldn’t kill the withers. You need to face justice.”

“Yeah!! So you’ll be coming with us Technoblade!” Quackity drew his axe, boldly taking another step towards the piglin. 

“Please.” Tubbo jerked, startled at the pleading tone in Techno’s voice, so genuine. “Please, don’t make me fight you. Please just leave.” 

Tubbo felt his resolve weakening. He grasped weakly at Quackity’s arm, giving his sleeve a tug, trying to get his attention. 

“Maybe we should…”

“NO!” Quackity jerked away, briefly fixing Tubbo with a glare. “No, you’re coming with us Technoblade, one way or another!! We can do this the easy war or the hard way but you’re going to fucking come with us!” 

“No.” Techno stood tall against the snowy backdrop. 

“Fine then!” Quackity threw himself forward, and the fight began. 

Tubbo had no choice other than to join in, he couldn’t just stand idly by, what kind of president would he be if he did? Even though his limbs shook and his eyes watered, Tubbo drew his sword and took a haphazard swing. 

Techno spun in a flurry of movement, easily catching both Quackity’s axe on his shield and Tubbo’s sword on his own blade. Ranboo leapt into the fray, somewhat hesitantly. All his hesitation earned him was a swift kick to the chest as Techno spun, knocking the tall hybrid away into the snow. 

Tubbo grimaced as he blocked Techno’s sword with his own, managing to hold his own for a moment.

The moment was brief. 

Technoblade rapidly dropped low to the ground and leapt forwards towards Quackity, beating blows down on him so rapidly that the dark-haired man could only block, eyes hard and furious. Tubbo didn’t have a chance to help him before Techno made the definitive move, feigning a stab and bringing his sword around to tear a gash on Quackity’s upper leg. The older man tumbled to the ground rolling with a fierce shout of pain. 

Tubbo moved to help him, but Techno turned.

The piglin’s hand swiftly sheathed his sword and in one smooth movement had drawn another weapon. 

Tubbo didn’t breathe as he stared down a crossbow. 

Technoblade moved as if to fire, Tubbo knew he had to raise his shield, he knew he had to block the arrow, but his muscle memory failed him. His arms stayed limp by his sides. His mind went blank. There was only the feeling of being trapped, and pain, burning pain…

Tubbo stood paralyzed.

Technoblade was cognizant enough, not yet lost to himself, to recognize it. 

The arrow never left the crossbow, Techno just stood there, not moving the weapon, just staring at Tubbo as the smaller boy quacked in fear. Tubbo’s mind screamed at him that he was going to be hurt again. Techno was going to hurt him. It was happening again and he couldn’t stop it. 

Hot tears rolled down his face. Technoblade slowly lowered the crossbow. The piglin took a hesitant step towards him, russet eyes fixed on his face. Tubbo didn’t dare move.

“Technoblade stop!” At the sound of the shout Techno turned his attention away, looking to where Quackity stood next to his house. 

Tubbo dropped into the snow, suddenly lacking the strength to stand. He watched with blurred vision as Quackity held a torch to the side of the wooden structure, daring Technoblade to come any closer.

“Drop everything! Or I’m going to burn your house right in front of you!” 

Tubbo stared in disbelief as Techno dropped his weapons to the ground, one by one. His eyes were dangerously tinged red as he glared at Quackity, but he allowed himself to be disarmed. 

Somehow, they had done it, they had won.

Tubbo shivered and wondered why it didn’t feel like a victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, this time Carl is not the reason Techno surrendered.  
> Tubbo is.... having a rough time. So is everyone to be fair. 
> 
> If you want to let me know what you thought of this chapter, I adore comments!!  
> Thank you for reading!  
> \--R&T


	15. Execution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade is captured by L'Manburg.   
> What happens when the trial turns into something much more deadly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is honestly one of my favorite chapters I've written of this part of the story.... I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> CW: lots of swearing, Quackity mostly   
> TW: Panic attacks, violence, flashbacks, referenced abuse, anxiety, manipulation

For Technoblade the trek back to L’Manburg was arduous. 

Not because it was a physically difficult journey. No, far from it, Techno was put onto a horse behind the extremely nervous looking endermen hybrid and rode most of the way. 

The reason the journey was arduous had much more to do with Technoblade himself. The piglin was intent on controlling his breathing, tightly focusing on what he could see and hear to keep himself grounded. He counted trees as they passed, memorizing the inefficient route. Anything to keep from thinking about how he didn’t have any weapons and just how vulnerable he was, hands tied, and armor left behind. 

Helpless. Vulnerable and captured.

Technoblade dug his rough fingernails into his palms so sharply he feared he would draw blood. He had to keep control. 

He had surrendered for a reason, if they had caught the house on fire, he had no idea if Tommy would notice in time to get out from the smoke. Even if he fled… they would be there. He didn’t know if Tommy was wanted, or a criminal, or anything about how he ended up on his doorstep. Technoblade couldn’t very well let Tommy get captured. 

But he didn’t want this either. He didn’t want to be dragged back to a city he didn’t care about to face trial for crimes he couldn’t remember committing. 

Deeper concerns plagued Techno’s mind as well. He had seen the compass they used to find him, Phil’s compass. He knew Philza would never have willingly given his location away. Techno couldn’t imagine Tubbo harming his own father, but, well…

The boy with the scarred face and terrified eyes was barely recognizable. 

Technoblade wondered how much of that was his fault. 

He couldn’t let himself lose control now, not again. No matter what happened he wouldn’t descend into a fearful blood rush. 

Techno continued to focus on his surroundings, nodding at Ghostbur as the shade happily bobbed along alongside in the trees. 

He would be okay.

* * *

Philza sat by the window for hours before he saw the group return. 

His tears were dried now, the man had lost the energy to cry a while after they left. All he could do was wait for them to come back, whether victorious or fleeing in retreat, meanwhile being guarded by a child filled with righteous rage. 

Fundy flung open the front door as the group dismounted their horses and moved towards the city square. The fox hybrid bounced eagerly on his heels as he stood on the front porch, letting out a pleased cheer when he saw the prisoner being led behind them. 

Philza carefully stepped to the doorframe. 

“Can I come out on the porch at least?” He had no desire to fight a child. Much less a child with enough training in combat to make disarming him without injuring him near impossible. Fundy spun and bared his teeth in a growl, a heel-face-turn from his happiness of moments before. 

“Fine. But don’t try anything.” 

Philza murmured a thanks and stepped forward. His house was close enough to the town center for a decent view of proceedings.

Quackity was at the head of the group, despite limping heavily. His leg was hastily bandaged, Technoblade obviously didn’t come without a fight. Which begged the question, how did they manage to get him here at all? There was no chance they overpowered him, not when Quackity looked like he was the only one injured. 

Techno walked evenly across the wooden platform, passively waiting for instructions. He was bare of all armor and weapons and Philza could almost feel his tension from here. This was a nightmare. 

“You actually got him.” The blond man raised his voice enough that his words would be heard in the square. Immediately Techno’s head shot up, gaze focused intently on him. Philza tried to look calm. It was difficult. 

“Phil, did they do anything to you?!” Technoblade jerked away for a moment, stepping closer to the edge of the platform. His russet eyes were ruddy and Philza didn’t know how much longer his son would be able to stay in control. 

“I’m fine Tech, they put me under house arrest.” Techno snarled as he was yanked back harshly, spinning to fix the three men behind him with a glare. 

“Leave Phil alone!” 

Philza didn’t miss how Tubbo shrank back. 

“Get him on the stage!” Quackity spat orders, suddenly dragging Technoblade up a set of stairs. The stage was a simple wooden platform raised above the rest of the area. Quackity positioned Techno near the center of it, directly underneath a think wooden beam that crossed overhead. There was no roof, the wooden beam wasn’t structural…

Philza felt a rush of adrenaline in his blood as the secretary of state let down a thick rope from the center of the frame. 

He was quick, wrapping the noose around Techno’s neck and ducking away to a lever, previously unnoticeable from where it sat unobtrusively at the edge of the stage. The grin on Quackity’s face made Phil’s blood run cold. There was a trapdoor beneath Technoblades feet.

The piglin slowly raised his head towards his captors. 

“What happened to givin me a fair trial here?” His voice maintained a monotone air, belaying the tense set of his shoulders as he stood helpless in front of them. 

“Yeah… uh Quackity, what is this? We were going to—” Tubbo was cut off by his secretary of state before he could finish, flinching back as the dark-haired man swung a hand out to gesture wildly. 

“This is a fucking execution!! What else did you expect? This man destroyed our fucking country and we can’t let him get away with it!” 

“What? No… no that’s not what we agreed on…” Tubbo bolstered himself enough to move forward, clearly having to fight his instincts to get away from the man manically grinning with his hand on a lever.

“Screw you and your bitch ass agreements Tubbo! You’ve been weak from day one! I don’t have a fucking clue why you were made president in the first place, but I’m going to do what you’re too much of a pansy to do. I’m going to take a stand for this fucking country!!” 

“STOP!” Tubbo shouted, shoving the other man away from the deadly mechanism. The small brunette put his own body between it and him, standing fiercely in the way of Quackity's intentions. Philza breathed slightly easier. 

“I’m not letting you execute Technoblade.”

* * *

“Why the fuck not Tubbo? He tried to execute you, or don’t you remember?” 

Quackity stepped dramatically to the side, leaving no barrier between Tubbo and Technoblade. 

Tubbo stared at the warrior he had once considered his brother. He remembered. He remembered being terrified, locked in a tiny box, put on display in front of an audience. Tubbo remembered cruel laughter and mocking words, he remembered being trapped. 

Tubbo remembered a moment of hope when Technoblade stepped to the stage. Relief flooded his body. It was Techno. Techno wouldn’t hurt him. He remembered the hope fading away as the piglin raised a crossbow level with his chest. 

Tubbo remembered colors and sound, too much for his senses to bear. He remembered terrible pain. Burning that never seemed to end, tearing across his skin like wildfire. 

Tubbo remembered every night in his nightmares. He remembered every time he saw the combination of colors that the rockets had exploded in. He remembered every time he saw his own scars reflected in still water. 

“I remember.” Tubbo’s hand unconsciously worried at those same scars, painful with phantom burning, stomach clenching as Quackity stepped forward, smug smile spreading across his face. 

“Well then—"

“I remember, and you are NOT executing Technoblade.” 

Quackity’s face fell instantly, a combination of frustration and anger that reminded Tubbo of a horned man and bruises. 

“WHY THE HELL NOT?!”

“BECAUSE IT STILL ISN’T RIGHT!!! And… and because I’m not Schlatt!” 

Tubbo remembered looking into Technoblade’s eyes from within the confines of that yellow box. He remembered watching the gentle russet eyes turn red as the tension mounted. He remembered the pressure of armed guards at every angle. 

“That’s final Quackity. If you try to execute him… I’ll consider that treason! Do you understand me?” 

“You’re fucking weak Tubbo, when this country falls, it will be your fault, I hope you realize that. You might not be Schlatt, but you’ve somehow managed to find a way to be worse than he ever was.” With the last biting words Quackity stormed off, leaving Tubbo alone on the stage. 

For a moment the brunette just stared at his hands, watching them tremble violently. Raising his head, he let his gaze drift past Techno, ignoring how the warrior stared at him. He looked past Ranboo, standing hesitantly near the edge of the stage, he even passively ignored Philza as the older man stood on his porch watching the proceedings. Tubbo’s eyes eventually found Ghostbur, the shade hovering nearby with a handful of blue wool. 

The president stepped forward with a steadiness he didn’t feel, a sort of determination borne from pure exhaustion.

Tubbo drew a knife as he walked close to Technoblade, ignoring how the larger man stiffened when he did so. He reached out and deftly sawed through the bindings on the man’s wrists, stepping back to let the piglin remove the noose himself. 

“Just go.” Tubbo turned his back and started to walk away, ignoring Raboo’s questions and Fundy’s protests. 

“Tubbo…” The deep voice gave him pause. Still Tubbo didn’t have the energy to face him, to fight back another wave of memories or the feeling of burning. 

“Go home Technoblade. You won’t be bothered again.” Swift footsteps retreated, the piglin taking the opportunity to leave, wisely getting out of the high-pressure situation. 

Good. Tubbo walked away from the city, numbly letting impulse guide his step. Eventually he drew the compass from his pocket and adjusted his course. 

He was going to see Tommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))))  
> How do you feel about that one?
> 
> Yes I did combine the Technoblade execution with Quackity's attempts to get Ramboo executed, because I have that power.   
> Also!!! Reminder that the compasses in this story point to EACH OTHER not to the people!! Relevant...
> 
> As always I love comments! <3   
> Thank you for reading  
> \--R&T


	16. Seeking safety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza removes himself from house arrest.   
> Technoblade goes home.  
> Tubbo goes to find Tommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: The compasses in this point to each other!!!   
> CW: swearing  
> TW: referenced violence, referenced abuse and manipulation, panic, anxiety, self-hatred, implied suicidal themes (VERY VAGUE! Tubbo thinks Tommy is gone, finds the tower.)

Philza dropped to his knees, too weak from relief to even go inside. 

He watched as Technoblade practically sprinted away, dodging despite not a single person attempting to stop him. His son disappeared into the trees moments later and Philza finally was able to let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. 

Technoblade was okay. He would be heading back home, he would be able to calm down, he would be safe. 

The fear Philza had felt when his son stood with a noose wrapped around his neck and a clearly unstable man at the lever… he couldn’t compare it to anything. It had felt like he was there with him, his own breathing constricted by roughly woven rope. 

But Tubbo had prevented that form coming to pass. God, Tubbo. 

Philza wiped tears away from his eyes, hastily looking around for his younger son. Because Tubbo was his son. Even if he didn’t believe it, even if he had failed him, he was still his son. He still loved him more than he could express. 

There he was, Tubbo walked in a different direction, slowly strolling away from L’Manburg himself. Philza hopped he would find somewhere safe. 

Eventually the older man found the strength to climb to his feet, cautiously looking around for his ‘guard’. Fortunately Fundy was nowhere to be seen, obviously having abandoned his mission after the failed execution. That was just as well, Philza had no intention of staying here for a moment longer anyway.

He quickly gathered up the few possessions in the house he didn’t wish to lose, most everything was replaceable, so he exited the front door with only a single bag. 

He strode down the steps quickly, not wishing to be stopped. 

Philza rushed around the corner and—

He froze, forgetting to breathe.

“Wilbur?” In front of him stood a pale, almost translucent, figure. Regardless of the… oddness… Philza would always recognize one of his children. 

“Hello? Do I know you?” The ghost’s voice was lighter and airier than Wilbur’s had been. He tilted his head perplexedly, fluffy brown hair flopping over at the movement. 

“I’m… I’m Philza. You’re my son. Don’t you remember?” 

“Oh! Yes! I remember you protecting me and… Tommy? When we were kids! Hi dad!” He sounded so innocent, so carefree. Philza fought back tears despite himself. 

“Hi son. I’ve missed you.” 

* * *

Technoblade tossed the front door of his house open carelessly, one thing on his mind.

He had to make sure Tommy was okay.

The thought had kept him stable while he was captured, from losing himself when he was helpless. Now he needed to fulfill it. 

Down the stairs, push the table away from the trap door, pull it open, and climb down the ladder.

Technoblade rushed through the actions almost mechanically. He did pause when the trapdoor to Tommy’s room opened into relative darkness instead of the well-lit space he expected. Rather than climbing down immediately he called out softly instead.

“Tommy? You stealing from me again?” 

There was no response. Technoblade felt panic start to rise in his chest again, fear making his vision blur. He practically jumped down the ladder, lighting a lantern as soon as his feet hit the floor. 

“Tommy!” Techno could barely breathe as he glanced around the room, eyes darting. Where could Tommy have gone? Why would he have left? Could someone have taken him….

No. The table was still on top of the trapdoor. It didn’t make sense.

Technoblade forced himself to take deep breaths, slowly counting in his mind as he did, mimicking a technique Philza had taught him a long time ago. He scanned the room slower this time, taking in everything. 

The bed had the blankets crumpled up and mussed, but that was normal. Everything was just as he had last seen it, there were no signs of a struggle. He stepped further into the room, looking for anything out of place. As his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting Technoblade noticed a shape huddled between two chests. 

“Tommy?” The piglin slowly crouched down, setting the lamp nearby so it cast warm flickers over both of them. Tommy sat on the floor, head between his knees. 

“I thought you were gone.” 

Tommy’s voice was soft. Too soft. The typically rowdy boy didn’t even move as Techno kneeled in front of him.

“Something… came up. But I’m back now.” Technoblade didn’t know what to do. His younger brother looked… broken. “Are you okay?” 

“I thought—I thought I was alone again…” Tommy raised his head, blue eyes filled with tears. Technoblade almost retreated. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Tommy cry. Even when they were younger Tommy always prided himself on being ‘strong’. 

Now the boy trembled in the dark, helplessly staring up at Technoblade as tears ran down his cheeks. 

Deep breaths. 

“I’m here.” Technoblade offered the reassurance weakly. Tommy glared through his tears.

“I don’t—I don’t care, I don’t need you I… I don’t even like you!” Tommy’s breathing suddenly grew rapid, his arms wrapped around his midsection and his nails dug into his own upper arms. “I’m fine—I’m fine.”

The blond was hyperventilating, breaths coming faster and faster. Technoblade felt his own breathing start to speed up in response. He didn’t know what to do.

He couldn’t deal with this. 

Technoblade stood up and backed away slightly. He needed to get away, this was too much, he didn’t—

Tommy needed him. 

Technoblade, at the verge of panic himself, did the first thing he could think of. He grabbed a blanket off the bed and promptly threw it across Tommy’s lap. 

Unfortunately, Techno wasn’t exactly in a good mental state for precision. The blanket flopped heavily across Tommy’s head and shoulders, prompting the boy to flail wildly to uncover his face. As soon as he had, Tommy lifted up his head to stare at Techno, giving him a look of bewilderment like he grew a third arm.

“What. The. Fuck. Why the hell—”

Techno took a step back, away from the anger now directed at him.

“Sorry. Wasn’t trying to… I missed. It was—wrap it around your arms, so you don’t scratch yourself.” Technoblade stuttered, monotone voice unusually nervous sounding even to his own ears. 

“Your aim fucking sucks dickhead.” Tommy sniffled as he grabbed the blanket, turning his gaze away from Technoblade. The piglin took a deep breath, some of the tension in the room seemed to have dissipated. Tommy getting startled seemed to have helped him reset his breathing as well, probably not a solution Philza would approve of, but at least he didn’t seem like he would pass out anymore. 

“Uh… I’m going to go upstairs…” Technoblade hesitantly moved towards the ladder, not really wanting to leave Tommy, but he didn’t think he could stay in that oppressive basement a moment longer. “Do you want dinner?”

To his surprise Tommy climbed to his feet, rolling his eyes. 

“I’ll come up too, I want a golden apple.” 

Normally Techno would have scolded his brother for wasting the precious fruits, but this wasn’t the time. 

Tommy plopped on the couch upstairs, still carrying the blanket. Technoblade felt eyes following him around the room. 

Tommy was okay.

* * *

Tubbo followed the red arrow of his compass. 

He felt numb as he walked for hours and hours, just endlessly putting one foot in front of the other.

Occasionally his brain would tug up thoughts from the day, but for the most part he shrugged them aside. He couldn’t explain how things had gotten so out of control. He couldn’t let himself think about how much he agreed with the echoes of Schlatt that accused him of weakness and failure. All he would allow himself to focus on was Tommy.

He would be seeing Tommy soon. Then it would be okay. Once he was with Tommy… Tubbo was certain everything would be alright somehow. 

Tubbo’s legs ached as it started to get darker. He didn’t allow himself to stop and rest. 

The sun was setting by the time Tubbo saw something recognizable in the distance. There, outlined against the last rays of the days light, was a tower. Tubbo couldn’t help but grin. Tommy always loved building towers, just to see how high he could go. He would be here. 

“Tommy!” Tubbo shouted out his best friend’s name as he gathered the energy to jog the rest of the way, already mentally longing for his brother to hug him, already preparing himself to beg forgiveness. He shouldn’t have exiled Tommy. He regretted it so much and—

And the buildings were nothing but ruins. 

Tubbo skidded to a stop in front of a crater filled with wood and rubble. The landscape had been brutalized with explosives, more than a dozen creepers could accomplish in tandem. Someone had destroyed where Tommy was staying. 

But it was okay, surely… Tubbo raised his compass in front of his face, desperately peering into it with the rapidly fading light. 

Yes, there, it was pointing ahead, towards the tower. Maybe Tommy built a new base in or underneath it. Yes, that had to be it. 

“Tommy?” 

There was no response besides the crashing of waves on the nearby beach. Tubbo followed the red arrow, hating the way his stomach clenched in dread. There was no reason to be afraid, Tommy was here, Tommy would forgive him, and they would be together. 

Tubbo stopped at the base of the tower, looking up as it rose into the sky. It wasn’t big enough to contain a house…

“Tommy? It’s Tubbo! Where are you?” Tubbo circled the tower, watching as the compass continued to point at one specific spot near the base. On his third pass, Tubbo saw a glint in the dirt. 

Tubbo crouched and grabbed the round piece of metal and glass, lifting it to his eyes and—

No.

Please… no…

“Tommy!!” Tubbo shot to his feet, his compass pointing endlessly at the broken and cracked one held in his hand. “Tommy this isn’t funny!! Where are you?”

“Please…” Tubbo’s eyes traced the tower as it rose into the air. There was no scaffolding, no ladder. No obvious way to get down.

Tubbo dropped heavily to the ground, legs refusing to support him a moment longer, leaning his back against the tower in the same spot he’d found the cracked compass matching his own. 

“No… Tommy… I’m so sorry…” 

Tubbo had run out of energy a long time ago. He didn’t even cry at first, simply staring at his hands. He didn’t think he deserved to cry.

He had done this. He sent Tommy away. 

He was worse than everyone he hated. Worse than the man who hurt him, and his brother who let it happen. He might as well have killed Tommy himself.

The thought finally broke him.

Tubbo wailed in anguished grief, not caring who or what heard. He screamed his frustrations and self-hatred at an unforgiving sky. 

Tommy was gone. 

It was his fault.

Tubbo wasn’t okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How about those streams today?  
> Yes, I am writing one-shots for them........ because I can.
> 
> About this story! Philza finally meets Ghostbur!! more from them later.   
> Tommy and Techno, poor kid. Techno has no idea what he's doing.   
> Tubbo.............
> 
> I love comments!! Let me know what you thought of this chapter if you want.  
> Thanks for reading!  
> \--R&T


	17. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza returns home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is late!!
> 
> TW: anxiety, self-hatred, referenced abuse, referenced death, panic attack

Tommy held the mug of warm tea in his hands, staring down as the liquid swirled. 

Technoblade sat a few feet away in a chair, cleaning and polishing his armor one piece at a time. Tommy kept giving him furtive glances, just to reassure himself someone was there. That he wasn’t alone. 

Pathetic.

Tommy was not having a good time. He didn’t realize how much he appreciated having someone around until Techno left and then… he didn’t know when he would come back. He wondered if he would be coming back. 

But it didn’t make sense! Tommy scowled at the cup in his hands, ruminations weighing heavily on his mind. He turned to stare at Technoblade again, this time maintaining the gaze until the piglin seemed to sense it and turned back to meet his eyes. 

“I don’t like you.” Tommy spat the words out, needing to speak, to make sure Techno knew they weren’t friends now. 

Techno shrugged passively in response.

“Okay.”

The spinning in Tommy’s gut didn’t let up. He fixed Technoblade with an icy glare, sitting up straight with as much fierce dignity as he could muster.

“You helped Wilbur destroy L’Manburg. And you hurt Tubbo.” To his surprise, Techno broke the stare-off first, dropping his russet eyes to the floor. 

“I know.” 

Tommy turned away a moment later, pensively taking another sip of his drink. The next words slipped out without his permission, just a lapse. He was tired, panicking for several hours straight while Techno had been gone was exhausting. 

“Tubbo exiled me though. So, whatever I guess. Still doesn’t make it okay. But I’m not exactly pleased with him either right now.” 

When Tommy raised his head Technoblade looked shocked, eyes wide as he froze in place. 

“Is that where you came from?” Tommy winced, remembering a long walk in the cold. 

“Yeah, well, no one was around you know? Just Dream but… he wasn’t exactly… he was a…” No, not a friend. Dream wasn’t your friend. “He did more harm than good.” 

Tommy breathed easier when Technoblade went back to cleaning his equipment, not questioning him further. Good. 

Tommy didn’t know how to feel about anything anymore. He hated Techno, right? He was angry at Tubbo… but he didn’t want to be alone. He pathetically clung to scraps of companionship and he hated it. That didn’t mean he was going to leave.

“This is my house now.” Tommy declared the statement with a trace of his old boastful confidence. 

“Whut?” Techno tilted his head in confusion. Tommy forced a grin.

“Yep. My house now bitch!”

“Tommy… this is literally my house…”

“Not anymore! I live here now, it’s mine!” Tommy stood up and put his mug in the kitchen, breathing easier as Techno bickered with him gamely. It felt like old times. It felt comforting and familiar. As conflicted as Tommy was, he was glad for it. He was glad not to be alone. 

* * *

During the long walk back home with Ghostbur one thing became very apparent.

This was not Wilbur. Not really. 

Philza found his son’s ghost had scattered memories and a somewhat absent emotional state. Getting a clear answer from him was nearly impossible, anything unpleasant was ignored or distracted from, or simply not remembered at all. In some ways it was almost a relief. 

He son didn’t remember being killed by him. He didn’t remember blowing up L’Manburg. He didn’t remember manipulating Technoblade into helping him. 

On the other hand… Philza feared he would never get an explanation for any of Wilbur’s actions. He would never have the closure of knowing whether his son could have been saved from his deadly path. Phil felt selfish for wishing dark memories upon the ghost for his own peace of mind. Surely it was better that the phantom didn’t remember. 

The light airy voice drew him from his ruminations.

“You seem sad, have some blue!” Philza held out his hand reflexively as Ghostbur dropped a handful of blue-dyed ribbon into his hands. He tilted his head, running his hands through the soft material. It was… oddly calming. 

He looked up as a warm glow was cast over the snow in front of them. Ghostbur floated a few inches above the ground, constantly determined not to touch water. In the distance stood the cottage, just as Philza had left it. The man released a heavy sigh of relief. There were footprints in the snow, hopefully the smoke from the chimney meant Technoblade was already inside. He was home.

Crossing the yard Philza grimaced at the signs of fighting from earlier. There was a rough patch of disturbed snow, part of it sprinkled in blood, though surprisingly little. With Ghostbur beside him Philza strode up the stairs, not bothering to knock on the wooden door, knowing that would make Techno more anxious then just walking in. 

“Hey, Tech? How are you—” 

Philza froze, staring into the warmly lit room as a skinny figure shot up from the couch, blond hair messy and eyes wide. 

“Tommy—” The boy in question sprinted down the stairs in an instant, gone before Phil could finish the sentence. Philza was shocked. He looked at Techno with wide eyes, watching the piglin shrug from where he sat, unmoving in a chair by the fire. The last Phil knew Tommy was in exile, not here, why would he be here with Techno?

Yet, that was unmistakably Tommy who had since vanished into the lower floors of the house. 

“What… how is Tommy here?” Philza dropped onto the couch, still warm where Tommy had been bundled up in blankets. He gave Technoblade an evaluating look despite his distraction. To his relief, Techno looked calm, russet eyes brown and present. His son shrugged, looking away from him before reluctantly starting to speak.

“He was exiled, so uhhh he ended up here. Don’t know how he found it, but he just showed up on my doorstep one day.” That explained so little. Philza settled himself down as Ghostbur floated around the room, resigning himself to seeing Tommy later. Based on Tubbo had reacted to him… Philza doubted Tommy wanted to talk to him yet. 

“Is he alright?” Philza rubbed circles on his temples, fighting off a headache he could feel forming. 

“Ehhh…” Techno’s voice did not inspire confidence. “He was half-starved when he got here, so that’s better now…”

There was obviously more to say. Philza patiently waited as he took off his coat, Techno would start when he was ready. 

“I think… when he was exiled… I think Dream was mistreating him or something. I dunno, Tommy’s…” Technoblade sighed heavily, shaking his head softly. “He’s not okay.” 

Both men sat in silence for several minutes, the only sound gentle crackles of the fire. Philza noticed Ghostbur drifting down where Tommy disappeared to, he hoped the ghost would be welcome where he wasn’t. The father’s instincts couldn’t be fought though, he scanned Technoblade relentlessly, anxiously trying to make sure he wasn’t injured. Eventually the warrior raised his eyes, snorting lightly as he caught Phil’s gaze.

“I’m fine Phil.” Philza smiled ruefully despite himself, his son knew him too well. 

“Just making sure, I was so worried when… when they showed up with you.” 

“I was worried too.” Techno responded jokingly, but Philza didn’t miss the way his hands tightened. He scooted a little closer, reaching out to rub his son’s shoulder. “I thought I was a goner for sure, ya know?” Techno’s voice stayed deadpan as ever. Philza nodded solemnly.

“I wasn’t… prepared for that. I should have been ready to defend you, I’m so sorry Tech.” It was Techno’s turn to shake his head, tugging his familiar cape closer as he did. 

“No one knew Phil. Obviously Tu—” Technoblade’s voice hitched. Philza jolted lightly, surprised to see him displaying emotion like this. “He didn’t know either.”

The silence sat heavy, Philza couldn’t help but ruminate on what his son had said to him in L’Manburg. 

_I wish you had left me in that box._

“I really hurt him Phil.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t know that half of it!” Techno yanked his arm away, tossing himself to his feet fiercely. “You weren’t here, you don’t know what I did. You don’t know about—about the festival.” 

Guilt pooled in the russet eyes as Technoblade stormed across the room, emotional energy finally breaking loose after far too long of holding it in. Philza was rather glad to finally see Techno dealing with things, rather than just pushing them down. He tried to provide a gentle prompt when the piglin stopped talking, leaning on a chest near the wall as he glared at the floor.

“You’re right Tech. What happened at the festival?” 

There it was, the question Phil had wanted to ask for so long, but held off on for the sake of not bringing up unnecessary pain for Technoblade. But if he was going to help Tubbo, he needed to know, and Techno obviously needed to talk about it. Still he winced as he watched his son fussing in a chest, pulling out weapon after weapon to fidget with nervously.

“I almost killed him.” Well, he already knew that much, still Philza nodded gently, forcing himself to stay seated. To stay quiet when all his heart wanted was to wrap his son in a hug and reassure him that he didn’t need to talk about it, that it was okay. 

“He was spying for Pogtopia, for Wilbur’s revolution, and he got found out I guess. Wilbur kept me… isolated, during that time, so the festival was the first I was involved in that whole plot.” Techno mechanically ran a whetstone across the blade of an axe, already honed to perfection. “Tubbo got tossed in a box, a little jail cell up on stage after he gave his speech. No one expected it… no one except Schlatt.”

Oh god. Philza could practically see the scene, how scared Tubbo must have been, how desperate Tommy would have been to get to him. It hurt just to think about. 

“I got called up on stage and… and ordered to—to—” Techno’s hands started shaking, the whetstone fell to the floor with a clatter. “There were just so many people telling me conflicting things! It was so loud, I had nowhere to escape, and the pressure… Wilbur had made it clear I had no backup. I was in there alone and had zero preparation.”

The worst combination Philza could think of for his son. 

“I lost control. I shot at him with—with a firework of all things. I don’t remember much from after, but apparently, I… I shot him twice, not just once, twice. Then I went after the crowd.” Philza remembered the scars on Tubbo’s face and neck, undoubtedly stretching down to his chest as well. The idea of that many burns… Shit. 

“He only survived because Tommy rushed in with an enderpearl, just managing to keep him alive and get him to safety.” 

Philza had hoped getting it all out would be helpful for Technoblade, but, if anything, his son just seemed more upset than before. He started to pace, silently seething. 

“I’m so sorry that happened Tech. But… It’s not your fault. Wilbur set you up for failure mate, he… he put you in a really bad position.” 

“No!” Technoblade spun, furious gaze fixated on Philza. The older man had to stop himself from flinching, to force himself to look back steadily. 

“Phil, Tubbo did nothing wrong, okay? He wasn’t a threat to me or anyone. And I executed him.” Technoblade’s face was torn with emotion, anger and guilt doing a dance across his expression. “Today… He didn’t have to stop it. He could have just… let Quackity do what he wanted.” 

“It’s Tubbo, Tech. He… I believe that despite everything that’s happened, everything he’s gone through, he’s still Tubbo. Tubbo would never let you get hurt if he could help it.” 

“That’s the problem Phil. I’m supposed to protect him! I… I promised to protect him. And I was the one that hurt him!! It was me.” 

Techno’s shoulders slumped, he had run himself out of energy. Philza stood and gently walked over to him, supporting him and helping him stumble to his bedroom. Gently the older blond settled his son into bed before sitting down on the edge next to him. 

“You can’t change the past Tech. All you can do is work on the future.” 

Philza didn’t retire to his own room for a long time. He stayed with Techno until the piglin drifted to sleep and then for some time after, murmuring reassurances. When he finally made it to his own room he was exhausted beyond belief. But for the first time in a while, he had the reassuring knowledge that two of his sons were under his roof. Tommy was downstairs, Techno was in the next room over.

Tommy was recovering.

Technoblade was improving.

They were okay. 

And they were together.

That’s all he needed to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the first time in a while we have a somewhat happy ending to a chapter!
> 
> So, due to having lots of projects simultaneously, I'm going to change the update schedule to once a week. This could be a short-term change depending on if I get a buffer built back up or not! This is NOT a hiatus and I have much more for this story!!  
> Just a change to schedule. <3  
> It will be updating on Sundays!
> 
> Thank you for reading, as always  
> \--R&T


	18. Trust is slow to build

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is adjusting to having his family around again.  
> But a surprise visitor shows up with some concerning news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: anxiety, referenced abuse, trust issues, minor violence

Tommy walked upstairs like it was the most normal thing in the world. 

Or at least, that was the display he was trying to put on. 

Tommy hadn’t left his room for over twelve hours, except for brief trips upstairs for food or the bathroom, and had been avoiding anyone else at all costs. But he was practically jittering with energy, the boy didn’t think he could stay cooped up in his basement room with only Ghostbur for another minute. The creeping loneliness and fear drove him to seek his family, even if he resented himself for it.

It wasn’t that Ghostbur was unwelcome, he just wasn’t the best company. Even if he did… well…

Tommy couldn’t help but remember a conversation from the previous night.

Ghostbur spoke in his usual lilting tone, the question seemingly pulled from thin air.

“Tommy, why are you angry at Philza?” 

For a long moment Tommy had just stared, mouth opening and shutting like a fish out of water while he tried to find the words to explain. His mind spun as Ghostbur twined a piece of blue ribbon in gentle twists around his pale fingers, floating in the center of the room. Eventually he managed to stutter a response.

“I’m not really angry Wil. I’m just… he…” Tommy buried his face in his hands with a groan. Wilbur’s ghost remembered so little, how could he even explain how he felt. Especially when he didn’t even understand it himself. 

“He left us, me and Tubbo. And when I was in exile, I had Dream take him letters, but he never came. He abandoned me, just like… just like everyone!” Tommy gritted his teeth, trying to hold back tears.

“It’s not that I’m angry at him, I just don’t trust him. No one actually cares about me, so I’ve got to watch out for myself. I can’t trust anyone.” 

Tommy stubbornly set his jaw when he had finished, finally managing to find an explanation for how he felt, even if it was only for his own benefit and that of a ghost. 

“I care about you Tommy.” Ghostbur smiled innocently, raising up his hands to display a heart shaped in the tangle of ribbon. 

“Sure you do Wil.” 

Tommy entered the living room with silent steps, or as silent as the lanky fifteen-year-old could be. Still, he wasn’t surprised to see both men already looking his way when he rounded the corner, they were both way too perceptive. Philza stood at the table, leaning over a large sheet of paper with a charcoal pencil, sketching out some sort of plans or something. Technoblade was in the kitchen, sharpening a knife without even looking at what he was doing. 

Tommy almost turned around and fled back downstairs on the spot, but the idea of being alone…

It was enough to keep him rooted to the spot. 

“Hello Tommy.” Philza spoke up gently, blond hair tied up out of his face into a messy bun. He didn’t approach, instead looking back down at the paper intently, averting his eyes. Tommy could breathe again.

“Good, come help me clean.” Technoblade snorted, gesturing to some dirty dishes in the sink. Tommy scowled automatically.

“Do your own dishes bitch!” The blond boy stalked across the room, some of the tension leaving his body. He didn’t need to trust them to live here, he was fine.

“These are your dishes Tommy, you’ve been eating my food for days, help me clean up at least.” Techno didn’t give up, tossing a damp rag at Tommy when he got closer, he jumped to catch it with any semblance of grace. 

“Fuck you!” Tommy noticed Philza raising his head, opening his mouth as if he was going to say something to Techno, but apparently decided against it, going back to his work. 

Tommy begrudgingly helped clean up for lunch, complaining the whole time. He made sure to keep his distance from the other two men though, to make sure they knew they weren’t his friends. To make sure he remembered that he couldn’t trust them. He automatically pocketed and stole whatever he could over the course of the morning, but Techno only noticed a few times.

Well… he only objected a few times. Tommy had to admit the piglin undoubtedly was aware of most of his acquisitions. 

Still, it felt so good to just be around people. Tommy still jumped at every loud word and shot Philza glares whenever he caught the older man looking at him, but he felt better than he had in a while. 

And the good food certainly didn’t hurt.

* * *

Philza proudly took a step back, admiring the frame of a foundation for the new expansion. 

He figured that Tommy would want a real room and out of that dingy basement soon enough, so it would be good to have more space. The cabin had enough rooms… but it was a little small. Tommy seemed to want his own area, and resented any intrusion into it, so having a bit of renovation would help things. 

This much was obvious to Philza despite only having been back with Techno and Tommy for two days. Techno’s assessment that Tommy wasn’t okay had been an understatement. The boy constantly stole and horded, when Philza pointed it out Techno only told him to leave it alone, that Tommy got really scared if you confronted him about it. Additionally his son was jittery and distant, constantly watching his back, never letting his guard down for a second. Philza thought it must be exhausting. 

It was heartbreaking to consider what had caused this change in Tommy’s boisterous, confident, personality.

Philza was pulled from his thoughts in an instant, the sound of footsteps in the snow immediately became the focus of all his attention. 

They padded around the side of the house, coming from the direction of… L’Manburg.

Philza instantly had drawn his sword, creeping towards the corner, ready to surprise whoever dared intrude upon their home. He jumped forward, pointing the perfectly honed weapon at the neck—no chest, of the interloper. 

“Eep!” The tall figure jumped backwards with a startled yelp, heterochromatic eyes wide.

Philza adjusted his sword stance accordingly, making sure the tip rested threateningly close to the enderman hyrbid’s throat. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Philza recognized the hybrid as a member of L’Manburg, as one of the people who participated in Technoblade’s capture only a couple days prior. The father practically snarled, ready to fight for his family if this man even presented a modicum of threat. 

The hybrid raised his hands appealingly. Philza noticed he wore no armor besides simple iron, the minimum for being safe in an area filled with hostile mobs at night.

“Uh, sorry, I… I uh, I mean no harm?” Philza didn’t shift, glaring daggers at the younger man, searching for a trace of deception. 

“Then why are you here?” The hybrid, who Philza finally remembered was named Ranboo, cleared his throat uneasily. He shifted from foot to foot lightly, anxiety obvious. 

“I was looking for Tubbo, I thought he might be here, because, uh, you know… family…” Philza finally was satisfied that this wasn’t some sort of trick, and that if it was, he could confidently face it. 

“What do you mean?” He lowered he sword, still keeping it at the ready, but letting the enderman hybrid relax a little. Ranboo wrung his hands nervously, red and green eyes darting around furiously.

“Uh… well Tubbo hasn’t been seen since… the exe— the trial…” Suddenly Ranboo’s movements ceased, he looked down solemnly for a moment. “I didn’t know about that, by the way, uh… I’ve got a crap memory and… well… Quackity didn’t tell anyone.” 

Philza nodded, only slightly acknowledging the remorseful words. Mostly his mind raced with questions, with fears about where Tubbo could be. 

“He’s not here.” Philza spoke slowly, finally sheathing his sword. “Where was he last seen?”

Ranboo shrugged helplessly. 

“You know as well as I do, he literally walked off right after the… thing… and never came back. I’m just worried about him, he’s been, well, uhhh…” Ranboo stuttered, trying to find the right words. “He’s been having a rough time, and I like to think we’re friends.” 

Philza felt his heart beat faster. It had been two full days since anyone had seen Tubbo. That could be fine, he could be somewhere safe or staying with friends… but something in the father’s chest said otherwise. Tubbo had been in a bad state when he left.

“Anyway, I’m uh.. sorry to bother you or scare you… I’d better be going.” The enderman hybrid took a step back, awkwardly shying away from the conversation. Philza reached out a hand to stop him.

“Wait, thank you for telling me Ranboo.”

“Oh, uh, you’re welcome. Glad to help I guess.” The hybrid stood a little taller, having been hunched over the whole time, probably a method to appear less threatening. 

“I have one more question.” Philza paused as the younger man nodded. “How is Fundy doing?” Philza had been thinking about the fox hybrid a lot since he left. He was so young, with a father figure who destroyed his home and then Philza had to leave as well…

“He’s doing pretty good, uh, all things considered.” Philza was surprised to hear that, he expected a much dimmer report. He raised his eyebrows and practically begged for elaboration. “Eret, uh, you don’t know them probably, but they sorta… took Fundy in after you left? Like adopted him. So uh, he’s with them. They’re really nice though, I think it’ll be good for Fundy to just be a kid for a while.” 

Philza let out a long sigh of relief. He would have to check on Fundy later, but Ranboo was right. The fox hybrid really needed a chance to be his age, to be taken care of for a change. 

“Thank you Ranboo.” This time the words were filled with sincerity. The hybrid managed a weak smile in return before starting to walk away, long strides taking him quickly through the snow. Philza turned towards the house, a new pit of apprehension forming in his gut.

Where was Tubbo?

* * *

Technoblade glanced up as Phil burst through the door. Immediately he knew something was wrong, he could see it in the tension in his father’s shoulders, feel it in the atmosphere of the room.

He knew Tommy felt it too, his younger brother grew more nervous, glancing around like he was deciding whether to retreat back to his room and hide. Ghostbur, as usual, was oblivious. The specter had been keeping them company while Technoblade attempted, emphasis on attempted, to teach Tommy how to properly cook. Now he floated over to Phil, cheerfully trying to lift his hat off his head, though the garment was just a little too heavy for the ghost to move.

“What’s going on?” Surprisingly Tommy was the one to speak up, slowly creeping towards the stairwell as he did so. Philza swatted away Ghostbur’s hands as he responded. 

“We just had a visit from Ranboo—” Technoblade had his shield strapped to his arm and a crossbow in his hand before Philza got any further, already headed for the door. A hand on his forearm managed to stop him. “He wasn’t here to fight Tech. And he’s gone now.” 

Techno was unconvinced, but he let himself be pulled back towards the living room. 

“But he told me that Tubbo has been missing for a few days. Since the… well since the attempted execution.” Philza sighed apprehensively, running a hand through his hair. “I’m concerned.”

“Where’d he go?” Tommy spoke up from the door, having followed them into the living room. His arms were crossed in front of his body, all defensiveness and anxiety. Philza looked at him gently, careful not to come off too strong.

“No one knows.” Technoblade had to let that process for a moment. Tubbo could be fine, he certainly was capable of taking care of himself, even though he was young. But he could also be hurt or dead. They had no way of knowing, no way of contacting him if he just walked into the wilderness. 

“Do you have any ideas where he might have gone if he was upset?” Philza directed the question at Tommy, carefully keeping his voice even. Tommy still flinched away.

“I don’t fucking know. Ranboo would know to look at all our old shit houses, so I doubt he’s around there.” Tommy seemed to shrink, clearly waging an inner war as he glared at the ground. Techno didn’t doubt he was torn between concern for his best friend, and anger for being exiled by him. 

“That’s alright.” Philza started walking around the room, gathering supplies into a few small bags. “I intend to go looking for him, so I may be gone for a few days. Will you two be alright in the meantime?” Techno nodded without hesitation. He and Tommy would be fine, if anything or anyone threatened them the piglin was more than confident he could handle it. 

“Okay, so I’ll—”

“I wonder…” Philza’s planning was interrupted by Ghostbur, the phantom spoke up enthusiastically. “Maybe he followed the compass!” 

Techno only tilted his head, confusion mirrored by Philza. Tommy however jolted, blue eyes suddenly very wide. 

“What compass?” Philza was glancing between Ghostbur and Tommy, trying to discern what he was missing. 

“I gave Tommy and Tubbo compasses, so they could find each other! Maybe Tubbo followed his?” Ghostbur spoke absentmindedly, unaware of how his words affected the group. 

“What did the compasses point to?” Technoblade took it upon himself to ask the obvious question. Tommy finally spoke up, words soft to the point of inaudibility. 

“The compasses point to each other. But he never followed it before! He never even fucking visited me, so why would he do it now!?” Tommy practically snarled, angry at everyone and no one. Philza let out a disappointed sigh.

“Okay well, that’s a bust, he would already be here if he was following it. Good idea though Wilbur.” Techno started helping Phil pack, surprised when Tommy interrupted.

“No, he wouldn’t. I don’t have the compass with me, I left it at Logstedshire.” The room froze, Tommy stared resolutely at the floor. 

“Okay, Wil, can you remember the way there?” Ghostbur nodded enthusiastically. “Then I’ll start with that. Take care boys, hopefully I’ll be back soon.” 

And with that, Philza was gone, taking the fastest horse they had and Ghostbur in tow. 

Tommy stood like a statue in the living room, lost in his thoughts. Techno internally groaned. 

“Come on raccoon boy, help me put away all the stuff from my last mining trip.” Tommy immediately started grumbling about it, but Techno figured they were both grateful for the distraction. The piglin also resolved to clean out a spare room later and make sure it had a bed. 

He hoped Philza could find Tubbo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be sticking with Sunday updates for now! Thank you for your patience while I work on these chapters and other projects. <3
> 
> Comments are always so appreciated.   
> Thank you for reading!   
> \--R&T


	19. The meaning of a Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza goes to find Tubbo.  
> Tubbo doesn't want to be rescued.   
> Tommy doesn't know how to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a deeper one, stay safe. Tubbo finds the tower and comes to the same conclusion he did in cannon smp events. 
> 
> TW: referenced suicide (didn't happen), suicidal ideation, self-hatred, anxiety, panic attack, referenced abuse, referenced manipulation, referenced child neglect, referenced child abandonment

Philza rode long and hard, he knew if Tubbo wasn’t at Logstedshire then there would be a lot of searching to do, a lot of ground to cover. 

The concern that spun in his gut made him feel sick, some father’s intuition telling him that something was horribly wrong. 

Ghostbur floated alongside him, clinging to the edge of his coat to be pulled along with the horse. It was a struggle to keep the phantom focused, but with Philza’s prompting he would give course adjustments regularly. 

Philza knew they were close when he saw something rising into the sky. A thin pillar of cobblestone and wood jutted out above the trees, Tommy’s handiwork without question. Phil directed his horse towards it, he figured it would be as good of a starting place as any. 

The trees obscured the base of the tower from view, but the father was sure he could glimpse movement. It was only when he saw the glint of enchanted armor that he pulled his horse to a sudden stop, dismounting as quietly as possible in the forest to creep forward. 

There was certainly someone there. 

Philza could see the back of a green jacket and sandy-colored hair leaning down at the pillar’s base. A growl rose in his throat when he recognized the figure as Dream himself. The bastard was saying something, only murmurs reaching Phil’s ears from this distance as he angled around. The anger grew to furious intensity when he saw the crumpled boy at Dream’s feet. 

“Get the hell away from him!!” Philza burst from the tree line and drew his sword, ready to fight, wanting to spill this man’s blood for what he did to his sons. 

Dream spun with surprise, grabbing onto his axe before letting his shoulders drop. He turned his attention back to Tubbo with some distain as Phil drew closer.

“Have fun telling him about what you did.” That was all Phil heard before the man was gone, pearling away in an instant and rapidly disappearing from view. 

Philza rushed to his son, dropping to his knees next to the brunette carelessly, wanting nothing more than to wrap him in his arms and-- Tubbo flinched away violently, covering his head with his arms and tucking his knees closer to his chest. 

“Tubbo, did he hurt you? Let me see—”

“NO! Go away!” Tubbo pulled away from his hand, breathing rapid and uneven. “Leave me alone!” 

Phil relented slightly upon not seeing any obvious injuries. He drew back a little bit, still crouching next to his son. Tubbo was trembling and filthy…

“Tubbo, mate, let’s go and get you cleaned up, okay?” The boy didn’t even raise his head to respond, snarl muffled by his arms.

“No. Leave!” Philza wasn’t going to let up that easily, even if Tubbo clearly wanted him to. It was hardly safe here, and Tubbo didn’t look like he had any provisions… Had he been here the whole time?

“Here, drink this…” Philza gently held out a bottle of water, hearing how Tubbo’s voice rasped painfully. It was smacked out of his hand furiously, sent to shatter against the rocks. Tubbo kept his head down, one arm clutched to his chest. 

“I’m not going anywhere with you!” Dark blue eyes stayed fixed on the ground. “Why would I?”

Philza dared to move forward slightly, reaching out a hand to rest on the smaller boy’s knee.

“You’re my son Tubbo, you—”

“I’m not! I’m really not!” Tubbo let out a burst of sardonic laughter, painful to hear. “You’re not my parent, my real parents left me in a fucking box when I stopped being worth the price of food, and guess what Phil, they were right!!” 

Tubbo trailed off, his voice growing weaker after the burst of shouting. 

“They were right…” His eyes filled with tears that he didn’t even bother to brush away, just letting them fall. Philza could barely stand to look at him, it hurt to see Tubbo hurting, just like it did to see Techno and Tommy in their own pain. 

They were all so broken…

“Please Tubbo, let’s go see Tommy.” The words seemed to give Tubbo pause, finally the boy raised his head to meet Philza’s eyes. 

“Tommy is dead.” 

“No—”

“Tommy is dead and it’s my fault Phil!!” Philza matched Tubbo when the boy rose to his feet, gesturing wildly at the tower above them. “It’s my fault so why don’t you just kill me, kill me like you did Wilbur!”

“Tubbo listen to me! Tommy is alive, he’s with Technoblade right now.” Tubbo’s eyes grew dark.

“You’re lying to me. I drove Tommy to—”

“I saw him this morning Tubbo, I swear, Tommy is alive.” 

Tubbo visibly shuddered and dropped to the ground heavily, Philza almost instinctively reached out to catch him before thinking better of it. The boy leaned back against the pillar, tipping his head up to look into the sky. Philza could better evaluate him now that he was still, and he noticed how flushed Tubbo’s face looked, how he sweated enough to be visible despite the chill ocean breeze. He was sick. 

“Tubbo, please. Let me take you back to the cabin. We’ll get you some food and water and rest.”

The boy in question shook his head absently, dropping his chin to rest against his chest weakly. 

“No, I think I’ll stay here.” Tubbo let out a heavy sigh. “You could still be lying, and if you aren’t it doesn’t really matter.” 

“I’m not leaving you here Tubbo.” 

“Don’t try to make me.” Tubbo’s voice dripped uncharacteristic venom and Philza jolted to realize he gripped the hilt of a knife with white knuckles. The blond man raised both his hands in surrender, slowly backing a few feet away.

“Okay mate, okay. I’m just going to stay here.” Tubbo briefly looked like he was going to protest but seemed unable to build up the energy. Instead he just wrapped his arms around himself and looked back up at the sky. 

Philza was not going to leave him. He also wasn’t going to let him sit here until he died of dehydration or sickness, whichever got to him first. 

Tubbo looked ready to collapse at any moment, and when he did, Philza would be ready to catch him and carry him away. There were times when it would be better to not give the freedom of choice, and this was certainly one of those times. Tubbo looked too weak to fight back and Philza had all the time in the world to wait. 

Eventually Philza was proved right. Tubbo started to sway slightly, jolting when he caught himself drifting off…

But his head dropped to his chest despite himself. Philza gave it some time, waited a while to make sure he was really asleep. Once he was convinced it was safe to do so, the blond crept forward, carefully taking Tubbo’s knife away and stowing it in his own bag. Then he gently scooped the small boy up into his arms, murmuring softly when he stirred, one hand under his knees and the other around his shoulders. 

“It’s alright mate, you’re going to be just fine…” 

It wasn’t easy to get the unconscious Tubbo onto the front of the horse, but he managed. Then, with the semiconscious boy tucked to his chest, Philza let out a deep breath. 

He urged the horse forward towards home with a sigh of relief.

Tubbo would be okay.

He tried to reassure himself with the usual, but the events of the past days weighed heavily on his mind. Tommy was safe at home, but that pillar… It meant something. 

Tubbo deep seeded lack of self-worth meant something too. There was so much to unravel…

Philza’s mind was heavy as he rode back towards the cabin.

* * *

Tommy paced restlessly around the living room.

Technoblade had tried to keep him distracted, but it was a tall order to keep Tommy occupied under normal circumstances. Much less when Tubbo was…

The tall blond gritted his teeth fiercely. Tubbo would be fine. He was probably just sulking in some underground bunker, hiding away from the others in L’Manburg for whatever reason. This was stupid, this was all stupid!

It wasn’t like Tommy wanted to be concerned for him. He didn’t want to care, Tubbo had exiled him, his best friend had sent him away at Dream’s demand. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair. Tubbo had called him selfish and Tommy—

Tommy was hurt.

No one cared.

He didn’t care.

Tommy repeated the words in his head like a painful mantra, trying to build up barriers even as he glanced anxiously out the window. 

“He’s only been gone like half a day, I doubt he’ll be back anytime soon.” Technoblade snorted with a hint of mocking, gesturing grandly at the front of the house. “But if you want to pace around all day who am I to stop you?”

Tommy was preparing a retort when the sound of hoofbeats drew both their attention. Still, he gave the piglin a very snarky look. 

“What were you saying?” The blonde’s voice was thick with faux innocence. Techno just snorted. 

“Alright, fine, you win this—”

“Techno! Give me a hand!” The shout instantly had Technoblade in motion, bursting out the door with his sword drawn. Tommy peered around the corner and tried to stop his heart from beating so quickly. Techno sheathed the sword quickly, reaching up to help Philza with…

A bundle of clothes and flailing limbs rolled off the horse with a thud.

“Dammit.” Philza sighed heavily as he dismounted, bending down to pick Tubbo up off the snow-covered ground. “Really mate? Was that necessary?” 

Tommy ducked his head back inside, his mind raced. Should he go downstairs and hide? Or say something to Tubbo? Or maybe tell Tubbo off for exiling him in the first place?! That seemed like a—

Tommy lost the opportunity to choose. Philza tread up the stairs with Tubbo tucked to his chest and…

He looked fucking terrible. Tommy instinctively took a step closer, not missing how Tubbo had dark circles under his eyes or how his limbs trembled. When Tubbo turned to look at him, Tommy had to remind himself he was angry.

“Oh… Tommy…” Tubbo’s voice was raspy, he weakly reached out a hand. “Am I dead too?” 

“Neither of you are dead Tubbo, I told you, Tommy is here. He’s alive.” Philza sounded exhausted, he let Techno lead the way to the room he had prepared in hopes of Tubbo’s arrival. Tommy trailed along behind. 

“What’s he talking about?” Tommy finally managed to speak, the words sounding vaguely like a squeak to his own ears. Fortunately, no one called him out on it. 

Philza laid Tubbo down on the bed, the smaller boy immediately pushed him away weakly, curling up in the furthest corner of the bed. Dark blue eyes stared only at Tommy. Phil turned back towards Tommy with a gentle sigh.

“Tubbo was at Logstedshire, he found a tower you built and…” Tommy came to the realization immediately. “He believed you were dead.” 

He believed Tommy was dead? Well, wasn’t that fitting. A surge of anger rose in the blonde’s chest. He glared daggers at the other boy. 

“Well I’m not.” Tubbo stared in near disbelief. Tommy scoffed. “I might have been though, you wouldn’t have known, would you?” 

Tubbo recoiled as if struck. 

“It’s not like you visited. It’s not like you fucking care, so stop pretending you do!! Stop pretending you didn’t just exile me, that you didn’t let Dream manipulate and harass me every single day!” Tommy took an accusing step forward and Tubbo curled in on himself, tears pouring down his face silently. It only enraged Tommy further. “Sure, cry about it, you don’t even know what I went through!” 

Tommy’s tirade was stopped only when Philza stepped between them bodily, forcing the tall blond to take a step back. 

“I’m so sorry Tommy… I’m sorry…” The words rang painfully in Tommy’s ears. He didn’t accept it.

“Save it.” 

With that Tommy left, fleeing down to his room as his breathing sped up and grew unsteady. 

Tubbo didn’t care about him. Tubbo didn’t care. Tubbo—

Tubbo was his best friend. Tubbo exiled him.

Dream said he was his friend. Dream manipulated him.

Dream—

Tommy curled up and wrapped himself in his blanket, letting out ragged breaths as his mind spun circles. 

How could he forgive him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Them all being back in the same place is a start, but it alone doesn't fix anything.   
> This family has a lot of work and healing to do. 
> 
> I love comments so if you want to let me know what you thought of this chapter I would so appreciate it!   
> Thank you for reading!  
> \--R&T


	20. Broken Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza struggles to help his sons  
> Technoblade remembers a promise made years ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so happy with this chapter
> 
> TW: panic attack, trauma, referenced abuse, referenced violence, flashbacks, nightmares, disassociation

Philza groaned as he rubbed his temples and slumped on the couch. Technoblade peered at him from the kitchen, tilting his head in a clear question. 

Tommy was nowhere to be seen, keeping to himself since Tubbo’s arrival. 

“His fever broke, he’ll be—well not fine.” Philza let out an exhausted sigh, he hadn’t really slept since he brought Tubbo back. “But physically he should be better in a few days.” 

Techno nodded before loading a plate with food and descending the stairs, to leave it by Tommy’s trapdoor in hopes that he would eat it. 

Philza had really thought that having Tubbo here would help Tommy, but the opposite seemed to be true. If anything, Tommy had gotten worse over the last couple days, reclusive and anxious, refusing to join them for meals. And Tubbo—

Tubbo wouldn’t so much as eat or drink without someone there prompting him to do so. If left to his own devises he would just sit and stare at nothing. Often Phil would enter the room to find him whispering apologies to no one. Or worse… screaming and crying when his dreams took a dark turn.

“Schlatt please! No! I’m sorry, you’re right, you’re right.”

“Don’t do it!! No! It hurts it hurts—”

Philza didn’t know how to help. Attempts at physical comfort invariably ended in Tubbo cringing away and hyperventilating once he woke up, but trying to wake him otherwise didn’t seem to work at all. 

The worst though—

The worst was the night Philza was dozing off in the living room, awakened abruptly by Tubbo’s panicking, and heard his own name amongst the cries.

“Phil no! Please, not Wilbur, no—” Philza had rushed to the doorway, then frozen when he realized where Tubbo’s mind had taken him. “YOU KILLED HIM!! No don’t leave, no I’m sorry, please Phil—” 

Philza had wept for hours, Techno sitting comfortingly beside him in the living room, listening as Tubbo’s crying eventually petered out. 

Tommy was similar, though, since he had sequestered himself in his room his nightmares were but echoes upstairs. Ghostbur usually went to him when he awoke in the night, Philza was glad the ghost was able to provide comfort he couldn’t. 

Now that his fever broke Tubbo wasn’t delirious anymore, which made everything considerably easier. Philza had been unable to convince him that Tommy was alive most of the time, so it was a relief that he believed it now. 

Philza’s mind spun circles, he was exhausted. He really needed some rest…

Reluctantly the father retired to his room, giving Technoblade strict instructions to wake him if anything came up. Despite his weariness, it was difficult to fall asleep. The questions of how to best help his sons hung heavily on his mind. Eventually though, he managed. They would be fine without him for a few hours while he slept, and he could better help them after he had some rest.

They were all here.

Techno was okay

Tommy was… alive

Tubbo was safe

That’s all he could know at the moment, and that would have to be enough.

* * *

Technoblade glanced at Tubbo’s door nervously, fidgeting from foot to foot. 

It had been almost eight hours since Philza had gone to bed, and Techno knew he needed the sleep, so he wasn’t going to wake him. But… someone needed to check on Tubbo. Tommy wasn’t going to do it, the kid wouldn’t even leave his room. Ghostbur couldn’t be trusted to actually remember anything that wasn’t positive and happy, so that left Techno.

He reached out a hand for the door, then turned away.

This was a terrible idea, he couldn’t just bring Tubbo a plate of food and expect him not to freak out, right?

Not after what he did.

But he needed food, and Techno—

Technoblade desperately wanted to apologize for his half-remembered sins. So he resolved himself, fixed his eyes on the floor, and slowly pushed open the door. 

The piglin glanced up with his peripheral vision, seeing Tubbo staring listlessly at the wall, not yet acknowledging his presence. Carefully Techno cleared his throat, stepping closer and reaching out to lay the plate of food on the nightstand. Tubbo glanced at him blankly, then visibly jolted, tossing himself backwards on the bed until his back was against the wall. 

Technoblade placed the plate down, then paused, tensing as Tubbo started to breathe roughly. With slow, deliberate, movements he turned his back and sat down on the floor, leaning against the side of the bed. Tubbo was out of sight now, but he could hear the younger boy gasping for air behind him. Techno fidgeted silently with his hands, hoping that he was doing alright, that he wasn’t making things worse…

It felt like hours later, but eventually Tubbo’s breathing evened out. Techno felt the bed shift as Tubbo moved more towards the center, he could practically feel eyes staring at the top of his head. It took considerable self-control to stay still, facing towards the door. Tubbo cleared his throat.

“What do you want?” Tubbo sounded tired. Techno took a long time to think. 

What did he want? Forgiveness? To help? To relieve his own conscience? 

“I’m sorry.” Technoblade practically whispered the words, cautiously turning his head to see Tubbo’s reaction. Tubbo sat stiffly near the center of the bed, arms tightly wrapped around his own torso. He murmured something unintelligible, trembling visibly. 

\-----

Technoblade remembered years and years ago, when he had made a promise.

When he followed the sounds of angry zombies to a boy hiding under the roots of a tree, trembling and sobbing in silence. When Tubbo was too afraid to come out, to return to Philza and face the dangers of the night. Afraid he wasn’t wanted, that he would be hurt or cast out again.

Tubbo had been small, Techno couldn’t reach to pull him out of his hiding place. So he had sat on the forest floor and spoke in halting phrases, awkward and unsure of how to proceed. 

“You should come back home.”

Tubbo only sobbed more, gasping breaths almost painfully intense. 

“Listen, whatever your scared of, I can fight it. I’m kinda the strongest thing in these whole woods, so I’ll just stab anything that’s, you know, bothering you.” 

When Tubbo still didn’t move, Techno tried again.

“I’ve been fighting for years, I’m better than even Philza, so nothing is really dangerous anymore. Basically, I will protect you if you come out, but I can’t do that if you stay there.” 

He tried to lay it out logically, and was pleasantly surprised to hear Tubbo shifting closer to the edge of the small cavern.

“Are you?” Tubbo sniffled as he spoke, the eleven-year-old sounding slightly less scared. 

“Yeah.” Techno spoke with certain confidence. “I’m the strongest thing around, nothing can get you if I’m around.” 

“Do you promise…” Tubbo peered out of the mess of roots with terrified eyes, blue orbs scanning the surroundings. 

“Bruhhh yeah I’m basically undefeatable, you’d have to train for a hundred years to defeat me.” 

Tubbo met his eyes sternly.

“You won’t let me get hurt?”

Technoblade felt an unfamiliar pang in his heart, a sort of gentle protectiveness generally reserved for Philza and Wilbur. 

“I promise to protect you, so long as I’m around, you’re gonna be safe.” 

Tubbo flung himself out of the hole startlingly fast, clinging to his chest like a lifeline. Technoblade wrapped his arms around the smaller boy on instinct, lifting him up as he stood and headed back for his horse so they could return to the house. 

He would be safe.

He had promised.

\-----

“I broke my promise.” Techno felt an unfamiliar prickling sensation in his eyes. “I broke it in basically the worst way possible, and I don’t remember if I even apologized.” 

There was a moment of silence before Tubbo spoke.

“You didn’t.” The two words, spoken in a broken tone, shattered Technoblade’s composure. 

The piglin turned around, still sitting on the floor, and looked up at Tubbo. He felt a tear drip down his face and he huffed as he wiped it away. He shouldn’t be crying, it was Tubbo he hurt. It was Tubbo’s whose body bore scars, who even now seemed to be struggling to look at him, hands worrying at the blanket across his legs. 

“I am, I didn’t want to, but I lost control and that’s my fault.” Technoblade choked on his words, emotion flooding his chest and making it tight. 

“I didn’t really blame you.” Tubbo murmured, head downturned as he gripped the blanket with white knuckles. “I know Wilbur and Schlatt put you in a bad situation.” 

Techno hummed a non-committal response, trying not to feel elated at the words. 

“But—” Tubbo took a gasping breath, finally meeting Techno’s eyes. “It still hurt. It still hurts. I can’t—sometimes I see you and I remember it, I remember it all and, I forgive you I think but—” Tubbo’s breathing got worse and Techno reached out a hand, hovering it above his brother’s knee without daring to actually touch him. Tubbo reached a hand up to his own face and fussed at his scars. “It hurts so much, the burning and—Techno I really didn’t believe you would hurt me, but you did, and that’s okay, but—”

“That’s not okay Tubbo. What I did isn’t okay.” Technoblade finally dropped the hand, gently trying to draw Tubbo’s attention back to the moment. “No one should have ever hurt you, ever. Least of all—” Techno’s voice broke. “Least of all me and Wilbur.” 

Tubbo stared with wide eyes, like he was struggling to comprehend what Techno was saying. Without any idea what more to say, Technoblade grabbed the plate of food and pushed it into Tubbo’s lap. The brunette looked vaguely annoyed at the not-so-subtle suggestion. 

“Eat. Sometime… we can talk about what I can do to make things—to not hurt you more.” 

Tubbo hesitated, then nodded mutely.

He started eating with some resignation, but Techno saw how his shoulders drooped in exhaustion. He left Tubbo alone once he was done, and peeked in later to see him fast asleep. 

Technoblade knew he had hurt him. He had broken a promise. 

But Tubbo forgave him, Tubbo…

Tubbo was safe.

Technoblade would insure that with his life.

He wouldn’t break another promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade feels bad for the festival...  
> Philza is so tired haha, mans just trying to gather up his traumatized children and everyone is having a time
> 
> I adore comments if you feel so inclined to let me know what you thought of this chapter! <3  
> Thank you for reading!   
> \--R&T


	21. Not so different after all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostbur reveals some new information.  
> Tommy doesn't know how to deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spent a lot of time writing and editing these next few chapters
> 
> TW: Panic attacks, referenced abuse, referenced manipulation, disassociation (Ghostbur), Trauma and flashbacks

Tommy couldn’t help but roll his eyes as Ghostbur tried yet another futile attempt to pick up the glass, half-full of water, that sat on his nightstand.

The ghost could only interact with the world around him in a very rudimentary fashion. When it came to physically lifting or touching objects… he couldn’t manage anything heavier than a bundle of ribbon or wool. Which was very convenient considering how much he loved gathering up his ‘blue’. 

“I’m telling you, when I remember things I can do it!” Once again the glass wobbled, but didn’t budge, Ghostbur pouted petulantly. 

Tommy suspected this whole exercise was an effort to cheer him up or something, but it wasn’t entirely unappreciated. He was lonely, again. Alone, except for Ghostbur, again. 

At least Technoblade insisted on leaving him plates of food at the trapdoor, giving a single knock, which Tommy ignored until the piglin’s footsteps were well out of range before retrieving the offering. So he wasn’t starving. 

“Tell me something to remember Tommy! Make it happy though!” Ghostbur was a pleasant distraction from the anxieties and worries that plagued his mind at every turn. Thoughts about how Tubbo had exiled him, sent him away. About how his best friend didn’t care that he was being hurt by Dream. His best friend sent him away to be abused and—

“Tommy?” A gentle touch on his hand drew the blond back to the present, made him aware of how his breathing was speeding up to an uncomfortable pace. He made a conscious effort to slow it down.

“Yeah, yeah Wil. A good memory… right…” It wasn’t exactly easy to come up with one in his present state of mind, but Tommy gave it a try anyway. 

“How about, what do you remember of Pogtopia?” Tommy cringed inwardly, there weren’t many happy memories in that place… but there was one in particular. “When we first found it I mean, the big ravine, like a fucking gift laid out in front of us.”

Ghostbur tilted his head quizzically for a moment, before a wide grin split his face. 

“Tommy! The ravine! It was right what we needed, and we started decorating right away and Techno made a farm in the bottom—” As he spoke, the ghost seemed to… solidify a little. He became more real in a way Tommy couldn’t quite explain. 

Ghostbur broke off suddenly, reaching out a hand to grab the glass. Tommy let his mouth drop open in astonishment as the container was first shifted, then moved, then lifted off the table. 

“No way!!! Look at you big man! Keep trying to remember more!” Tommy whooped in excitement. Wilbur’s ghost seemed more… like him, and he seemed to share the sentiment.

“We made all sorts of plans Tommy, and we had a dog! Oh and Tubbo came to visit, sometimes. He came to visit and—and—” Tommy jumped as the glass shattered on the floor and Ghostbur recoiled, curling up into the fetal position in mid-air. “No, no, no I don’t like that, why, why would I remember that? That doesn’t no, no—”

“Wil, what is it?! Wil!” Tommy darted forward around the hazardous puddle, grasping at the Ghost, almost trying to hold him there, while he shivered as if caught in the very fabric of existence. 

“Why would I do that Tommy? No, no it couldn’t be me, it was Alivebur, not me, not me--” 

“Wilbur! What’s happening?” Tommy didn’t like the fear that burst in his chest, irrational fear that Ghostbur would leave him, or would… be like he was in Pogtopia after remembering. “I’m sorry Wil, I shouldn’t have had you remember, I shouldn’t have— Hey!!”

Tommy yelped as the ghost struck out and shoved him backwards, with more force than Tommy thought him capable of possessing. 

“THAT WASN’T ME!!! It wasn’t—it couldn’t have been me! That was Wilbur, Alivebur, not me! I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t send Tubbo back, no, no, I couldn’t.” 

Tommy trembled despite himself, wincing as he took a step back and a stray piece of glass got caught underfoot. He didn’t want Wilbur to be angry at him, he didn’t want to throw his things in a hole and be helpless… But…

What the hell was Ghostbur talking about?

“You didn’t know about the festival…” Tommy tried to be placating, voice weak as he navigated unfamiliar territory alone. 

“No, no, in Pogtopia. I—He made Tubbo go back, he knew Schlatt was hurting him and still made him go back.” Ghostbur’s voice faded away as Tommy’s ears started ringing.

What did that mean? What was he talking about? 

It—no there wasn’t— surely not—

No.

Tommy was climbing up the ladder to the floor above before he consciously made the decision to do so. His heart pounded loudly in his ears and he could hear the blood rushing in his body as he practically flew up the stairs. He sprinted past Technoblade before the older could comment, flinging open Tubbo’s door with a THUD that echoed in the cabin. 

Tubbo flinched violently away from the intrusion, dark blue eyes wide as he drew his knees up in front of him and tucked himself downward. Tommy didn’t miss how his arms instinctively flew up to protect himself. 

“What the hell Tubbo?!?” Tommy responded the only way he knew how. Anger was all that had been keeping him afloat for a while. It was his last defense. 

Tubbo started to breathe quickly, growing smaller in the corner with every fierce word.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, please don’t—I’ll—” Tubbo started murmuring the apologies almost on reflex, whimpering when Tommy took another step closer.

“Tubbo, was Schlatt hurting you, when you were spying for Pogtopia?” Tommy waited expectantly for an answer he didn’t want to hear. Tubbo seemed to withdraw further into himself, taking gasping breaths that couldn’t be getting him enough air.

“I’m so sorry, I screwed up—please…” 

Tommy didn’t need further confirmation. Everything fell into place. The way Wilbur kept him away from Tubbo during their time in Pogtopia, the bruises that were always brushed off and ignored. How Tubbo behaved after the fact… the panic on his face when he was declared the president. The—

How upset and angry he was when Tommy had compared him to Schlatt, when they were discussing what to do about Dream’s ultimatum, before the exile. 

Tommy stepped forward to sit on the bed next to Tubbo, half-collapsing alongside him as his own breath hitched in his chest. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? Tubbo—Why didn’t you fucking tell me?” There was no real bite behind the questions anymore, and they hung in the air longer than Tommy would have liked. Tubbo gasped violently before he drew enough air to respond. 

“I thought you knew.” 

I thought you knew.

The words drove into Tommy’s chest like an arrow. 

I thought you knew.

Tubbo didn’t know about what was happening in exile, that was no excuse for letting it happen.

Right?

Tommy didn’t know—how could he have known?

How could Tubbo have known?

I thought you knew.

Both boys sat on that bed, lost in their own terrible memories, for a long time. 

Occasionally Philza would peer in cautiously, keeping an eye on them and making sure he wasn’t needed. Tommy never gave him more than a glance.

Eventually, when Tommy’s own breathing was under control and he felt Tubbo grow more still beside him, Tommy turned to his best friend.

“I didn’t know.” Tubbo didn’t meet his eyes, head still downcast as he wiped away tears. “If I had known, I wouldn’t have let Wilbur make you go back, I would have run away with your or—or anything!”

Tommy bit his lip, anger and guilt vying for position. Tubbo lifted his head slowly, voice wet, but sincere.

“It’s okay. I knew it was important to get information, you needed a spy. It was worth it to help.” Tommy snarled as anger claimed control once again.

“No it’s not!! It’s not fucking okay Tubbo!!” Tubbo flinched away, breathing returning to a ragged pace far too quickly. Tommy grimaced and made an effort to lower his voice. “You shouldn’t have had to do that, you—It’s not worth it, alright?” 

Tubbo murmured something indecipherable, but Tommy didn’t have the energy to make him repeat it.

The two sat in a silence far more companionable now, far more familiar. 

Tommy wasn’t intending to ruin it, but his mind screamed danger and distrust loudly enough for him to speak again.

“This doesn’t mean it’s okay that you exiled me.” The words were practically spat out, but they didn’t provoke the argument Tommy expected. Instead Tubbo just nodded sadly.

“I know.” Tubbo took a deep breath. “I really-- I’m so sorry Tommy. I regretted it the moment I did it. I understand if you don’t—if you don’t want to be around me. I’ll leave as soon as I can.” 

Tommy let out a heavy sigh. 

They had both fucked up, hadn’t they?

They were both hurt by the people who should have protected them. 

“Nah, you can stick around big man.” Tommy glanced at Tubbo from the corner of his eyes, watching the smaller boy’s eyes light up in shock. “Besides, I know you’re so clingy and shit, you’d probably waste away without me around.” 

Tubbo didn’t protest. 

Just like Tommy didn’t protest when his brother scooted slightly closer to rest his head on his shoulder. 

There was so much more to say. So many more things to work out. So much more hurt that wasn’t going to go away with a single conversation. 

But there was more understanding now.

Tommy himself was surprised to realize he felt a lot less angry than he had been in a while.

* * *

Philza let out a happy sigh as he gently shut Tubbo’s door, as silently as he could manage.

The two boys were collapsed on the bed, leaning against each other, fast asleep. Tommy’s cheek rested on the top of Tubbo’s head, every breath making the brunette’s hair flutter. Tubbo was leaning against Tommy’s shoulder, still mostly crumpled into a ball, but sleeping more peacefully than Philza had seen since he arrived. 

It was beyond relieving to see then together. 

Philza had been sorely temped to intervene when he heard Tommy storm upstairs and start shouting, but some instinct told him to wait, that they would work it out better without his interference. He was grateful now that he had summoned the restraint. 

Technoblade had been so jittery during the altercation that Philza had to practically order him outside. Otherwise he was worried the piglin would charge in and forcefully separate the boys to prevent them from fighting, which definitely wasn’t what they needed. 

Granted, Philza didn’t exactly know what it was they needed.

He knew they certainly didn’t need more stress. 

They needed a chance to recover from all they’d been through. 

He would do anything in his power to provide that chance. To make this house into a space they could call home. 

Philza was certain that Tommy and Tubbo talking again was a step in the right direction. 

And then there was Techno.

He entered the home with stiff movements and darting eyes, obviously listening for sounds of further disturbance. Philza chuckled under his breath at his son’s obvious concern.

“They’re all right. Or, as all right as they can be.” Philza gestured invitingly and cracked open the bedroom door, allowing Technoblade to peer in. “I think they figured some things out.” 

Techno hummed a non-committal response, huffing through his nose as they both returned to the living room. 

As good as the boys having some reconciliation was… Philza was more than a little disturbed by what he overheard. More than a little angry at the discovery of yet another injury done to his family. He settled down on the couch, taking a deep breath before turning to Techno and—

“Before you ask, I didn’t know.” Philza nodded solemnly at Technoblade’s words, not an ounce of disbelief in his mind. “If I had, I probably would have stabbed Schlatt no matter how Wilbur protested that it ‘wasn’t the right time yet.’” 

Technoblade practically snarled, hand’s clenched into angry fists on his knees. 

“I believe you son. If Tommy didn’t know then, well, it’s easy to understand that you wouldn’t have.” 

For an angry moment Philza wished that Schlatt was still alive, if only so he could kill him himself. 

“I just…” Philza trailed off, hesitating to speak his mind. “I can’t picture Wilbur sending Tubbo back to him, if he knew what was happening. Even as a spy, it’s just, it’s just so fucking wrong!” 

It was at that moment that Ghostbur chose to make an appearance, drifting up through the floorboards, as wispy as Philza had ever seen him. 

“Hello!” The ghost greeted them happily, peering around the room with blank eyes. “Have you seen Tommy? He’s not in his room.” 

Techno gave the ghost a glare, some misplaced anger finding a home. 

“Yeah Wil, he’s in Tubbo’s room, they’re sleeping.” When Philza addressed the ghost by name he jerked, a ripple of static crossing his form. 

“Don’t call me that. I’m Ghostbur!” Wilbur’s ghost forced a smile. 

“Alright Ghostbur. Can you tell me what you remember about Pogtopia, it’s important for—”

“Nope!” Ghostbur instantly was across the room, hovering by the door with a stiff expression of forced joviality. “I’m going out to get some more blue, bye!” 

A cheerful wave later and Ghostbur was gone. Philza groaned in annoyance. 

He needed information if he was going to help his younger sons. The issue was where to get it…

But for now… Philza felt some of the pressure on his chest loosen.

Tommy’s okay.

Tubbo’s okay

Techno’s okay.

That’s all he needs to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOO Tommy and Tubbo talk!!   
> Sorta... I mean... it's better than nothing! There is still a lot they need to talk about, but hopefully they'll have the time they need to do it.   
> Surely it's perfectly safe here.
> 
> I have been SO motivated writing this story the last couple days, (I've written like 6k+ words) so I may post another chapter either this evening or tomorrow! I am very excited to share it.  
> I love comments and hearing people's responses to this story <3   
> \--R&T


	22. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy and Tubbo start learning how to help each other, how to be there for each other after all they've been through.  
> Philza wants nothing more than to be part of the healing process, but he doesn't know how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra update Pog!!! 
> 
> TW: Panic attacks, referenced abuse and manipulation, trauma and flashbacks, anxiety, nightmares

Tubbo woke up with a jolt, adrenaline making his mind race as he struggled to comprehend what was happening.

A fearful shout made him flinch, he couldn’t figure out where he was or what—

“No! Dream don’t! Please, please, I’ll do it, I’ll—don’t let me be alone…” The voice was Tommy’s, Tommy was here…

The previous day’s events came back to Tubbo in a rush, he sat upright and rubbed his eyes in the darkness, desperately peering around the bed to find Tommy. 

It wasn’t hard to spot him. Tommy writhed next to him, unconsciously twisting as he cried out from his nightmares. Both of them had collapsed next to each other on the bed, and someone had obviously stepped in to drape blankets over them. Tubbo reached out a hesitant hand, lightly touching Tommy’s shoulder and giving the other boy a gentle shake.

“Tommy? Tommy, I’m here.” Tubbo murmured the words in a voice still rough from sleep. “Come on big man, wake up.”

Tubbo’s efforts had an immediate effect, though possibly not one he was hoping for. 

Tommy jolted, eyes suddenly wide and unseeing as he pulled away, curling up into a ball. Empty sobs shook his body as he started to weep, defeated and so obviously tired. Tubbo’s heart ached. 

He couldn’t remember ever seeing Tommy cry like this.

“I’m here Tommy.” Tubbo crossed his legs under himself and reached out a hand, resting it on Tommy’s shoulder. “You’re not alone anymore, okay?”

Tommy’s sobbing didn’t cease, but it steadied somewhat.

“You’re not going to be alone again Tommy, because guess what?” Tubbo tried to make his voice light, it was difficult to accomplish through his own tears, but he managed. “You’re right, I’m too clingy, so you won’t be able to get rid of me ever again. I’ll be right beside you no matter what happens—”

Tubbo instinctively flinched away as Tommy rolled over and moved towards him, but then the blonde’s arms were wrapped around his shoulders, and Tubbo was hugging him back, and he was safe.

They were safe.

Tommy rested his chin on Tubbo’s shoulder, sniffling in his ears as his crying gradually lessened.

“You better mean that big man, not that I’m clingy, but it would be a dick move to say something like that now and not…” Tommy trailed off, something horribly broken in his tone that Tubbo knew no words would fix.

“I mean it Tommy. I really, really do.”

That was the last they spoke, eventually curling back up to sleep, grasping each other’s hands as a reminder they weren’t alone. 

That they were together, no matter what.

* * *

Technoblade groaned and hid his face in his hands, pure annoyance visible in his body language.

Though, if he were covering a small smile in his hands, no one would know. 

A couple days ago Tommy and Tubbo had started leaving their rooms. The house was much louder with their constant intrusions into everything, but it was much more alive. Tommy’s basement had been all but abandoned, the blond basically moved into Tubbo’s room, and no one even considered dissuading them. Not after peering in their room each night when one of them cried out, and watching the other comfort them in an understanding way Techno and Phil could never accomplish. 

“Oh shut up Tommy, you know I’m better at this than you are.” Tubbo smirked as Tommy prepared a lighthearted tirade, continuing on with patching up some clothes, needle and thread held in careful hands. 

“How dare you Tubbo, I’ll have you know that a big man like myself can make those clothes way better than your shit designs!” Tommy reached out a hand “Let me show you how I’d do it!” 

Tubbo raised his eyebrows mockingly, teasing words ready.

“No Tommy, I’m sure you’ll just try to make the clothes out of cobblestone or something and call it the best art ever.” Technoblade stifled a chuckle at the accurate assessment of Tommy’s design skills. Tommy was far less amused.

“Oi you fucking dickhead my towers are the most pog!” Techno sighed and walked to the other room as Tommy’s voice raised dramatically. It was good to see him more spirited again… even if it was disruptive. “Look at your last one!! This color doesn’t even fucking match!”

“Yes it does!” Tubbo protested, but something in his voice gave Techno pause. The piglin started to creep towards the counter to look back into the living room—

“Red and green are not matching colors Tubbo, are you colorblind like George not found? Look!” Technoblade didn’t manage to see anything meaningful before a there was sounds of a scuffle then a loud THUD. He stepped out into the doorway in time to see Tubbo cowering on the floor, his back pressed to the couch and his kitchen chair tipped over on the floor.

“Shit.” Tommy was immediately beside him, dropping to a crouch by Tubbo’s side. Technoblade almost entered the room to help, before realizing his presence would almost certainly be more of a hinderance than anything. Tommy continued his reassurances, much quieter than their earlier rowdiness. “Tubbo, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Tubbo didn’t respond, seeming to be focusing on keeping his breathing steady, but Tommy reached out a hand to touch his shoulder and—

Tubbo jerked away so quickly that Technoblade was worried he would hurt himself. The brunette twisted, tossing himself out of reach before curling back in on himself, arms wrapped protectively around his head. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s my fault, please I’m sorry…” Tommy had wide eyes as Tubbo’s breathing got worse, guilt pooling in his expression. 

“Tubbo, Tubbo it’s just me…” He didn’t move any closer. Instead the lanky blond opted to sit in front of the other boy, crossing his legs beneath him. “I shouldn’t have thrown that shirt at you. But it’s just me. It’s Tommy.”

“I’m so sorry, please believe me—” Tubbo whimpered, gasping for air desperately.

“Tubbo, it’s me. I won’t—” Tommy took a deep breath, eyes lifting to meet Techno’s from across the room. “I won’t hurt you. You did fine Tubbo, I was teasing, but I shouldn’t have. Let’s take deep breaths, okay big man?” 

Tommy started to take demonstratively slow breaths, again focused only on Tubbo. Technoblade left them to it, going to get a couple glasses of water. 

When he returned to the room Tubbo seemed a lot calmer, but he was still curled up across from Tommy on the floor. 

“Here.” Techno stayed out of Tubbo’s line of sight, placing the glasses where Tommy could reach them. Tommy nodded acknowledgement, giving Technoblade a look of pure gratitude. He realized as he backed up it was the first time he hadn’t seen suspicion or anger in Tommy’s eyes since he arrived.

“Tubbo, can I touch you?” Tommy waited patiently for his friend to speak, not moving a single muscle until he did.

“Yeah, uh…” Tubbo stuttered slightly. “Just not my shoulders, please?” 

Techno watched as Tommy cautiously moved forward, taking one of Tubbo’s hands and untangling his arm from his head. 

“Of course big man, of course.” Tommy slid next to him, offering the glass of water. “Keep breathing, you’re doing great.” 

Tubbo drank gratefully, leaning against Tommy with a sigh when he was finished. 

“I’m sorry Tommy, I shouldn’t have freaked out like that—”

“No, Tubbo, don’t apologize for that.” Tommy reached a hand up and carded it through Tubbo’s hair. Technoblade could see the gentleness from across the room. “I just wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have thrown something at you, that was an asshole move. I’m the one who’s sorry.” 

Tubbo hummed and leaned into the affection, voice soft.

“I forgive you, it was just a shirt anyway, kinda stupid of me to get scared about that.” Tommy frowned exaggeratedly.

“It’s not stupid Tubbo. It’s not.” 

The two sat like that for a long time, so still that Technoblade was certain they had fallen asleep until Tubbo spoke back up.

“Who taught you that, the breathing stuff.” 

“Eh… Ghostbur always did that when I… you know.” 

Tubbo hummed acknowledgement. 

Technoblade started making some dinner. 

Eventually the two boys went back to what they were doing, and before long playful bickering filled the house with noise once again.

Technoblade didn’t resent the intrusion.

* * *

Philza spent a lot of time ruminating on how to reduce the distance that had built up between himself and his two youngest sons. 

He was grateful that they had each other, that they were comfortable confiding in and supporting one another, but he wanted to be there for them too. He wanted to figure out how to help them. He was their father after all.

And he thought the first step of this would be talking to them. 

But holy fuck, sitting across from them as they shifted nervously on the couch brought back some memories. 

These were the same scared kids he had brought into his home, into his life and into his family all those years ago. 

And for the life of him, Philza didn’t know how he had handled it then. 

He didn’t know how to handle it now, when they were much more grown up and far too experienced with the horrors the world has to offer. When they both had been through so much shit. How could he even pretend to know what he was doing?

But all he could do was his best.

“So, I was hoping we could talk a little. About everything.” Neither boy made a move to speak. Philza sighed heavily. “You could air any grievances you have with me, tell me how fucking bad I am at making soup.” 

That, at least, elicited a forced chuckle. Philza had made dinner that night… and interestingly enough kelp is far too salty for a chicken-broth based dish. Still, Tubbo kept his eyes fixed on the floor, and Tommy glanced around like he was considering making a run for it.

“I want to know how I can help.” 

Philza patiently folded his hands on his lap. He could wait as long as they needed. After only a few moments of silence Tommy started fussing with the hem of his shirt, never one to sit still for long. However, Tubbo was the first one to speak. 

“I need to go back to L’Manburg, soon.” Tubbo kept his eyes fixed on the floor, even as Tommy jolted fiercely beside him. Philza couldn’t fight back a heavy frown.

“What? Tubbo you said you’d stay with me!” Tommy seemed to shrink, withdrawing into himself as if struck. Tubbo quickly turned to him, rapidly trying to quell his friend’s panic.

“No, Tommy you can come with! I won’t go if you don’t come Tommy. I just meant…” Tubbo reached out and took Tommy’s hand, the taller blond relaxed a bit at the affirmation. “I was made president. I need to do my job.”

“What about Dream?” Philza regretted the words immediately, watching Tommy stiffen fearfully. 

“I’m the president.” Tubbo sat up straight, glaring daggers at Philza. “It’s my choice who is or is not exiled, and Tommy isn’t exiled. L’Manburg will stand by that.” 

Philza scowled. This was not how he hoped this conversation would go. He wanted absolutely nothing less than for his sons to go back there, and he needed to voice it, even if they disagreed.

“Why?”

Both boys looked at him curiously.

“Why go back? As far as I can tell that place has brought you nothing but pain. Nothing but war and abuse and death. Why go back there?” Well. Fuck. That was clearly not the correct thing to say.

“Don’t act like you fucking know whether or not it was a good place, it was! It is!!” Tommy snarled, standing up to point a finger in Philza’s face. “We fought for L’Manburg, we almost fucking died for L’Manburg, so don’t you try to tell us whether it’s worth anything or not!” 

“Tubbo?” Philza tried to plead with the other boy, but Tubbo mirrored Tommy’s indignancy.

“I was made the president, Wilbur made me the president! You can’t just ask me to abandon that now.” Tubbo stayed sitting, but his blue eyes were daggers. 

“Boys, please.” Philza raised his hands plaintively, speaking as calmly as he could manage. “Wilbur destroyed it, you know that. And Wilbur—” Philza stuttered over his words, eyes fogging with unshed tears. “Wilbur’s gone now.” 

“You killed him.” Tubbo’s words were spoken without accusation. He was stating a fact, a painful fact that everyone present already knew. “You killed Wilbur.” 

Okay. This was expected. This conversation needed to happen, Philza could explain this. 

“I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t mean to—”

“You fucking killed Wilbur, and now you want us to abandon the last thing we have left of him!!” Tommy stepped forward aggressively, as if daring Philza to disagree. When he didn’t respond Tommy huffed, grabbing Tubbo by the hand and dragging him back towards their room. 

For several minutes Philza sat in silence, letting his head fall into the palms of his hands. 

“That went well.” Technoblade’s voice dripped sarcasm as he entered the room, quietly shutting the door that led to the expanded section of the house behind him. 

Philza let out a tired chuckle.

“I don’t know what I expected.” Tears squeezed out the corners of his eyes. 

“At least they didn’t take off.” Techno snorted, crossing the room to stir up the fire. 

He was right. At least the boys were staying a while longer. 

Philza would support them in whatever they decided to do. Here or in L’Manburg; his own preferences were meaningless when it came to helping his children. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like posting a chapter early, so I did!!   
> These next few chapters are going to be.... well.... you'll see :)))))  
> So looking forward to sharing them.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated, I love seeing people's reactions.   
> Thank you for reading!  
> \--R&T


	23. A Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy and Tubbo are starting the long process of healing...  
> or trying to.  
> An unwanted visitor brings an ultimatum in his wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing could go wrong now
> 
> TW: panic attack, anxiety, flashbacks, referenced abuse and manipulation, manipulation, trauma

“Stupid fucking pricks making us go out to gather berries in a fucking blizzard.” Tommy grumbled and griped as he and Tubbo walked through the lightly forested area around the cabin. 

“Oh come on Tommy, it’s barely snowing, and you were the one who wanted pie!” 

Tubbo rolled his eyes as Tommy groaned, exaggerated annoyance made all the more amusing by the true lack of snow. If Tommy was honest with himself, it was rather nice to be outside for a little while, even if there was some lingering fear about being away from the newly-found safety the cabin held. But Tubbo had practically dragged him out there, so Tommy bit back his anxiety and masked it with complaints. 

“Look! I found a whole bunch!” Tubbo let the way, happily tossing handfuls of the bright red berries into the basket that Tommy held. 

“Good.” Tommy kicked at a pile snow by his foot absentmindedly. His eyes constantly darted around, scanning the tree line despite his efforts to convince himself he was safe. He scuffed at the snow more aggressively as his anxiety kicked into high gear, some animal making noise in the brush putting him on edge—

“HEY!” Tommy yelped as a handful of snow hit him square in the face. It was cold on his cheek, the rest of him bundled up in new winter clothes. Tubbo grinned back, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Oh you’re going to pay for that Tubbo!” 

Tommy consciously kept his voice jovial as he stooped to scoop up a handful of powdered snow, tossing it lightly and checking to make sure Tubbo was still having fun before he went for more. The snowball hit Tubbo on the arm, and the brunette gasped dramatically, spinning to get more ammunition for himself.

And then it was on! 

Tommy dropped the basket of berries aside, chore long forgotten. He retreated a small distance away, making as many snowballs as he could before Tubbo charged him. Tubbo whooped as he threw some lightly packed projectiles, laughing when Tommy slipped and fell into a snowbank in his effort to dodge. Tommy recovered though, rolling and throwing snowballs from the ground.

“I got you!”

“Oi that was cold!” 

Tommy, despite knowing he was obviously the bigger man and should be winning, was getting hit with more snowballs than he successfully threw. It was time for a change of strategy, and he had just the idea!

“Come and catch me big T, if you can!” Tommy darted away with his taunt, running towards a few smaller trees nearby. Their lower branches were laden with snow, easily within reach. He grinned with pride about his own scheme, already picturing the look on Tubbo’s face when the snow was dropped on top of him. He dodged around behind the tree and out of sight, now he just had to wait—

“Hello Tommy.” 

Tommy froze. Suddenly he was very cold, his body shivered unconsciously. He didn’t dare turn around, because turning around would make it real, make the voice he was hearing real. And he couldn’t be here, Dream couldn’t be here—

“Long time no see, huh? Did you miss me?” 

It was unmistakable. Tommy slowly faced the person standing behind him, dropping his head low automatically the moment he confirmed the green clothing and the white mask. 

“I was disappointed in you when you left, I thought you would have known better than that.” Dream tsked between his teeth. “But actions have consequences Tommy, surely you’ve learned that by now.”

Tommy gritted his teeth together. He knew Dream wasn’t his friend, but still it was all he could do to not to beg forgiveness and offer to throw his things in a hole. His whole body shook. 

“Look at me Tommy.” Tommy automatically raised his head in response to the command, and was surprised when his view was interrupted. 

“GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!” Tubbo was there, so suddenly that it almost didn’t feel real. After all, this never happened before, Tubbo wasn’t there, it was just Tommy and Dream. Alone. “Get the hell away!!” 

Tubbo stood fiercely in the gap between them, grabbing one of Tommy’s hands in his own. It grounded him. 

“Oh, hello Tubbo. Nice to see you too.” Dream was mocking in his cordiality, taking a single step backwards before straightening. “Now if you would kindly hand over Tommy, I believe he is supposed to be in exile.” 

Tommy trembled. He wanted to scream and fight, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t go back to exile, he wouldn’t survive it, he wouldn’t survive being alone again. Hot tears sprung to his eyes even as he fought them back, fought back against the show of weakness. Dream was in control, no one cared, Tommy was going to be exiled again and this time—

“NO!!” Tubbo snarled, more furious than Tommy had ever seen him. “Get the FUCK away from here Dream, Tommy is no exile, alright?”

Dream shrugged passively.

“He is. _You_ exiled him.” 

“Well I’m un-exiling him!” The words held an air of finality that even Dream seemed hesitant to argue with. “He’s officially part of L’Manburg, and as the president, I declare that he is under the country’s protection.” 

Tommy stared openmouthed. Was this really going to work? He couldn’t make himself look at Dream, so instead he focused on the feeling of Tubbo’s hand, on the sound of Tubbo’s voice. Tubbo was here, he’s not in exile anymore, Tubbo won’t leave him.

Dream laughed.

“You think that’s going to stop me? You think your little fucking farse of a country is going to make a difference?!” Tommy stumbled backwards as Tubbo flinched away, Dream suddenly seeming to tower over them both. “Listen, I don’t care about L’Manburg, okay? I care about control, and when you were president and Tommy was exiled, I had that! But if you’re going to be like this, then I don’t need L’Manburg anymore!!” 

Dream cackled in glee, raising his hands up to brush his hair back, shoulders heaving with amusement.

“I’ll destroy it, I’ve got enough explosives and withers to raze the place to the fucking ground, and I’ll do it!! Don’t think I won’t, in fact I’ll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow at noon I will be there, ready to destroy it all.” Tubbo stuttered protests, but Dream continued raving, not giving him a moment to speak. “I’ll tell the others too, you can put all your best forces against me, and guess what? It still won’t be enough. As of tomorrow, L’Manburg will be gone.” 

Tubbo gasped as Tommy’s world tunneled in around him. 

“You can’t do that! You can’t just destroy it!” Tubbo took a half-step forward, some semblance of courage still present in his voice. Dream chuckled and—

Tommy’s heart leapt to his throat as the masked man lunged forward, pulling one arm across his body in preparation of a backhand swing—

Tubbo collapsed to the ground, Tommy curled around him, trying to protect him through the fog in his own mind. He couldn’t breathe…

“See!! Look! I didn’t even touch you, and you’re on the fucking ground.” Both boys flinched back in unison when Dream crouched in front of them, far too close for comfort. “Listen, if you show up tomorrow Tommy, maybe we can discuss things. You and I, like it’s always been. L’Manburg doesn’t _have_ to be destroyed, there are other options, just show up an hour early and we’ll talk about it. But it has to be you and Tubbo, alone. Otherwise, it all burns.” 

Dream stood, mockingly tilting his head. 

“See you boys tomorrow.” 

Tommy tried desperately to bring his breathing back under control, to stop panicking on the cold ground. Tubbo was doing the same, shaking as the realization of what had just happened flooded over them both. Dream had been here, Dream was going to destroy L’Manburg if Tommy didn’t show up. 

“I’m here.” Tubbo spoke the word between his own gasping breaths, gripping Tommy’s hand in a vice-like grip. Tubbo was here, Tommy repeated the phrase until his breathing slowed to match the progression of words in his mind. Tubbo was here.

He wasn’t alone. 

But he also was not okay.

* * *

Tubbo let out a deep sigh of relief when he and Tommy managed to get back to their room mostly unnoticed. 

Obviously Philza had seen them playing in the snow earlier, the older blond gave them a big smile when they entered, probably happy they were messing around. But the… altercation with Dream was out of view of the house. Tommy and Tubbo knew without speaking they were going to keep the information to themselves for the moment. 

Tubbo closed the door behind them, watching Tommy cross the room and collapse onto the bed. 

None of this was good. Tommy was still visibly trembling, this situation was like his worst nightmare come true. Tubbo—Tubbo felt blank, his energy drained by the exchange in the woods. He was grateful to drop next to Tommy on the bed, reassured by his friend’s presence. 

“What do we do?” Tommy spoke softly, almost imperceptible. Tubbo rolled over to face him.

“I… I don’t know.” Tommy bit his lip when Tubbo spoke, something incredibly hopeless in his expression. Tubbo couldn’t stand seeing him like this. “We can just… stay here. We would be, you know, safe I guess.” 

Tommy gave him a look like he had suddenly sprouted horns.

“Tubbo, we can’t just give up on Wilb—On L’Manburg that easily.” Tommy clenched one hand into a fist, fingernails digging into his palm. “I can’t give up that easily.” 

Tubbo sat up, forcing a slight smile. 

“Okay.” Tommy jerked, staring in disbelief. “What’s the plan then, big man?”

“What? Really, you agree that easily?” Tommy questioned him lightly; Tubbo was just happy to see a little bit of life return to his friend’s eyes. 

“Yep! I’ll be right beside you, whatever you decide.” Tubbo tried not to think too hard about what that might entail. 

“Alright then, well… We can’t tell Philza or Techno.” Tubbo nodded pensively in response, he understood. “We already know how Philza feels about L’Manburg, he would try to stop us from going. And Techno would tell Phil. So we can’t let them know what we’re doing.” 

Tommy hesitated before his face erupted in a mischievous grin, an expression Tubbo tried to mirror with some confusion. 

“All that stuff I’ve been storing up in my room, in the basement, we’ll have plenty of gear.” 

“Tommy… how much stuff do you have down there?” Tubbo had never actually visited the room in the basement, since Tommy had basically moved into his. The question only made Tommy grin wider, clearly proud of his thieving ways. 

“Oh Tubbo, I’ve got so much!”

“Is this why Technoblade keeps calling you a racoon?”

“Shut up bitch, let’s go!” 

Tubbo followed Tommy down to his room, some of the seriousness set aside for the moment. It was wonderful to see Tommy laughing again, laughing despite their situation. It was better than anger and fear. 

Deep inside Tubbo wished they could just stay away, he didn’t want Tommy to have to face Dream, he didn’t want either of them to be in danger. But he would be by Tommy’s side, and he wouldn’t lose the last thing Wilbur gave to them.

Once they saved L’Manburg, then it would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The snowball fight was fun!! Right?  
> Too bad Dream showed up and ruined it. 
> 
> I'm going to post another chapter this week since I'm ahead in writing, probably tomorrow!!   
> hehe I've been excited to post this chapter since I wrote it, I would love to hear responses if you feel like leaving a comment. <3  
> Thank you for reading!!   
> \--R&T


	24. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy and Tubbo go to meet Dream.
> 
> Technoblade and Philza notice their absence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter!!   
> Maybe everything will go fine? Maybe...
> 
> TW: panic, anxiety, referenced abuse and manipulation, violence and blood

“Hey Tech?”

Technoblade was halfway through his morning routine of stretching and exercises before Philza interrupted. Typically Techno would have complained about the intrusion, but something about the expression on his father’s face gave him pause. Still, he didn’t cease in his movements when he answered.

“Yup?”

“Have you seen the boys this morning?” 

This did cause Technoblade to turn, tilting his head as he straightened up. 

“Nope, why?”

“They aren’t in their room…” Philza trailed off, but Techno saw the concern in his eyes. He huffed in annoyance.

“I’m sure they’re around somewhere, maybe in Tommy’s little basement, they were there last night.” Philza nodded, his jaw tightening visibly. 

“I already checked there.” 

Okay. Techno took a deep breath, forcing himself to maintain a sense of detached calm. 

“Maybe they just ran off to play in the snow again or somthin, let’s take a look.” 

Technoblade reluctantly helped Philza search the house and surrounding area, a pang of urgency growing in his chest as almost an hour passed without any results. To say Techno was getting concerned would be an understatement. They had practically exhausted their ideas; the boys just weren’t anywhere to be found. 

Towards the end of the search Techno started grabbing armor and other gear. Tommy and Tubbo weren’t here, and neither Philza nor Technoblade were going to be able to rest not knowing if they were safe. It was when he lifted his axe, the extensively enchanted weapon glowing, that a piece of paper fluttered to the floor.

Technoblade grasped it quickly, unfolding it to hold under the light.

_Hi Techno_

_Dream is going to destroy L’Manburg if Tommy and I don’t meat him._

_So that’s where we are._

_Sorry to run off like this, but we knew Phil would haev stopped us._

_Tommy didn’t want me to leave a note, but I did it anyway. I wanted you to know, in case things go wrong._

_\--Tubbo_

Technoblade briefly forgot how to breathe. 

The axe of peace clattered to the floor. 

“What is it Tech? Tech?!” Philza rushed into the room, almost snatching the piece of paper out of his hands when he saw what he was focused on. 

“Phil, we have to go.” 

Technoblade was geared up in an instant, ready to fight a battle for his brothers. Philza similarly rushed to get ready, both of them were aware of the danger and the consequences. 

Technoblade left his home with a promise weighing on his mind.

He would keep it.

* * *

Tommy was jittering with nervous energy as he and Tubbo hastily navigated the nether pathway. 

Every so often Tubbo would try to start conversation, but Tommy didn’t have the mental energy to cooperate. He felt slightly bad every time he shut down Tubbo with a sharp remark, but he had a lot going through his mind. Mostly fear.

Fear that he would somehow get exiled again. That Dream would have him back under his control and he would be alone. That Dream would be the only one that cared and—

“Why didn’t you ever visit me?” Tommy spat out the words with more venom than he intended. 

He knew that now was probably not the time for this discussion, but he couldn’t help it. His mind was racing and he couldn’t help but fear that Tubbo would cast him aside again. That Tubbo would let Dream take him if it meant saving L’Manburg. After all, Tubbo had done it before, he had exiled him and—

“Dream said you didn’t want visitors.” Tubbo kept his head downturned as he spoke, guilt evident in his voice. “I shouldn’t have believed him, but there was a lot going on and everyone was angry at me, it made sense that you would be too.” 

“I was fucking pissed off, but that doesn’t mean I wanted to be all alone and shit.” Tommy hissed the words, fear making his voice weaker than he would have liked. He suddenly spun, forcing Tubbo to face him head on. 

Lava crackled and popped far below as they stood on the bridge, only a small distance away from the hub that led to Dream SMP territory. 

Tommy glared at Tubbo, suddenly wanting to turn back, to do anything other than face Dream and give Tubbo the opportunity to betray him again. It’s not like Tubbo actually cared anyway, right?

Right?

He wouldn’t have exiled him if he did. He wouldn’t have.

The image of Tubbo tossing himself between Tommy and Dream the previous day, shouting in the face of his tormenter regardless of the potential consequences, gave Tommy pause. It allowed Tommy to listen when Tubbo spoke, really listen.

“I was angry too Tommy.” The words were almost a whisper, as if Tubbo hated to admit it. “I shouldn’t have been, but—Wilbur made me president, and no one would listen to me! No one listened to what I had to say, not even you Tommy.” 

“That’s no reason to exile me, to betray me!!” Tommy felt the familiar heat of anger rise in his chest. It was comforting as it briefly burnt aside the fear that threatened to consume him.

“I didn’t know what to do!!!” Tubbo shouted, hands gesturing widely. “What was I supposed to do? Let L’Manburg get destroyed and everyone in it either be hurt or killed?! Because that’s what he would have done, everyone was trapped by that wall and it was up to me to get them out! It was up to me to fix the mess you made!!” 

“You should have stuck by me!! You should have stood by my side no matter what, because that’s what friends do Tubbo!” Tommy knew his words cut deep by the way Tubbo deflated, shoulders dropping low as he hung his head again, defeated.

“I—” Tubbo let out a muffled sob. “I regret it so much Tommy. I know it’s my fault that Dream was able to hurt you, and I don’t want it to happen again.” 

Tommy felt his anger leave him. He missed its presence. Tubbo could still betray him again, none of this meant anything…

“I won’t let it happen again.” Tubbo straightened, eyes filled with tears, but certain. “You’re more important than L’Manburg Tommy, even if you can’t trust me, I promise to stick by you now. No matter what.” 

No matter what. A promise is only worth as much as the recipients trust in the one who made it. Tommy wasn’t yet able to give Tubbo that trust. Not fully. 

He sighed, slowly turning back to look at the purple portal, patterns spinning and whirling endlessly. 

“We should get going.” 

Tommy led the way, stepping into the portal with an apprehension he had been trained to feel. He didn’t know what to expect of the next few hours, but he wanted to believe Tubbo. He wanted to believe that someone cared. 

He wanted to trust.

* * *

Tubbo took deep breaths as they approached L’Manburg. 

He had already seen several people hastily leaving the area, so it was fair to assume Dream had delivered on his promise of a warning. Tubbo hoped everyone had been wise enough to either leave or arm themselves extensively. 

He and Tommy were prepared, each of them was wearing full diamond armor and carrying pouches of potions and golden apples. It wasn’t enchanted, Tommy may have been resourceful in his scrounging, but he wasn’t a miracle worker. Only Tommy’s sword was netherite, the other weapons being only diamond edged. But it was fine, surely it would be enough.

Tubbo didn’t believe the lies he told himself.

Dream could take both of them in a fair fight, and Dream never fought fair anyway. 

The best Tubbo could hope was for Tommy to get out of this situation unscathed. Although keeping L’Manburg, you know, not burnt to the ground, would be nice too.

“There you are, I was beginning to think you weren’t going to show up.” Tubbo took a step forward as Dream approached, automatically putting on his best presidential face. More importantly, he was trying to keep Dream as far away from Tommy as possible, he could already hear his friends breathing speeding up as the masked man got closer. 

“We’re here to negotiate.” Tubbo spoke curtly, scanning the small bit of L’Manburg he could see.

It was nice, he had honestly missed it, even if it was a stressful place. He had put a lot of effort into building it up from a crater after it was destroyed last time. There were the flags, the town square and houses, and— And there was some sort of structure above it, something dark and almost sinister, that Tubbo didn’t recognize… 

“Pffft okay, let’s negotiate.” Dream tilted his head, scoffing lightly. He was dressed head to toe in fully enchanted netherite armor. Tubbo bit his lip as he fought back his own fear. “I don’t really want to destroy L’Manburg. I just want to control everything again. But Tommy, Tommy keeps defying me, he can’t seem to learn!” 

Tubbo stepped bodily in between them, gritting his teeth as Tommy seemed to shrink. He gripped his best friend’s hand carefully, giving it a squeeze to remind him he was there. 

“So, I’ve got to keep teaching these lessons.” Dream let out a heavy sigh of mock exhaustion. “This is between me and Tommy, step aside Tubbo.” 

“No.” Tubbo stood as tall as he could, staring at where he assumed Dream’s eyes to be behind the mask. “I’m the president, you will talk to me.” 

“Sure Tubbo, some president.” Dream leaned forward, chuckling softly. “You do everything your cabinet tells you to do, everything I tell you to do. You’re no president, we all know it, you know it. So step aside and let me deal with someone who actually matters.”

Tubbo tried not to let Dream’s words get to him. He knew Dream was a master manipulator, he knew that Dream lies. But the words echoed Schlatt and Quackity and even his own mind. They felt truer than Tubbo liked to admit. Still, Tubbo didn’t move.

“No. I am respectfully asking you to leave this country.” 

“It wasn’t a request.” 

Tubbo opened his mouth to respond, but something impacted his side before he managed to draw enough breath. He felt Tommy’s hand ripped out of his own as he was tossed sideways, crumpling to the ground almost a meter away and gasping for air as pain erupted across his ribs. 

Through his blurred vision he could see Tommy stumble back, trying to keep himself away from Dream, the masked man spinning his axe calmly. Tubbo was relived not to see any blood yet, it probably meant Dream had hit him with the handle, it meant he could get back up. 

Get back up.

“Now Tommy, what are you willing to lose today?” Tubbo got to his hands and knees as Dream spoke, forcing himself to ignore how his ribs protested the movements. 

Tommy finally seemed to be boldened enough to speak, glancing furtively at Tubbo as he straightened.

“Fuck you bitch!! There was no reason to do that, just tell us what you want, then we’ll decide what to do about you.” 

Tubbo walked over to Tommy’s side, giving him a reassuring nod. 

“I already told you what I want. Control. Prove I have it, and we can all go our separate ways.”

“How the hell—” Tommy was cut off before he could continue, Dream suddenly pulling a tool off his back and digging the point into the ground. Both boys sputtered as they were hit with a spray of dirt, when Tubbo could see again Tommy was frozen, eyes wide with fear. There was a small pit dug in the earth.

“So, Tommy, put your things in the hole.” 

This obviously meant something, something to do with exile. Tubbo could practically feel Tommy starting to panic, he could see the way he trembled, he hated what Dream was doing to him. He hated that it was his fault Dream had the chance to do it in the first place. 

“YOU BITCH!!!” Tubbo lunged forward without thought. He only knew that Dream was hurting Tommy, and he couldn’t stand by and let that happen, he couldn’t let it happen again. So he swung his sword and drew his shield, twisting as his blade met Dream’s own defenses. 

Dream parried and dodged, movements fluid and easy. He was a mile above everyone in combat, always had been. But Tubbo had fury and passion that Dream obviously hadn’t been expecting from him. Tubbo was used to being underestimated. That’s probably the reason he managed to draw first blood. 

Dream cursed as Tubbo opened a gash on his arm. It was certainly superficial, but Tubbo whooped nonetheless, proud of any victory, no matter how small. 

The victory was soon forgotten as Dream reengaged with a new intensity. Apparently the masked man had decided this wasn’t fun anymore, and the next few minutes were filled with desperate defending and pain as Dream returned the wound to Tubbo tenfold. 

Tubbo stumbled backwards, relying on his shield to block yet another overhand blow from Dream’s heavy axe as he tried to gather himself. He was bleeding from nearly a dozen small cuts, and he was beginning to tire. He didn’t know how long he would be able to keep it up. 

“Go fuck yourself dickhead!!” Tubbo grinned as Tommy dashed in alongside him, driving Dream back with a flurry of blows. The two boys exchanged a quick look as Dream dodged, determination in both their eyes. Tubbo knew fighting against Dream was serious, but he was glad they could do it together.

And together they were much stronger.

Even as separated as they had been, the two were like one mind when reunited in battle. They had trained together, fought together in wars, they were truly something to behold. Their intensity was only matched by Dream’s, something cocky in the way he dodged and weaved, drawing them back closer to L’Manburg at every turn. 

Tubbo didn’t like to think that Dream was still in control. 

But what Tubbo liked didn’t matter. It took only a slight misstep, only one overextension for Dream to capitalize on. Tommy was toppled over, knocked sideways by a forceful blow against his armor, and Tubbo dashed in to protect him—

Tubbo shrieked as the armor on his leg simply shattered, driven apart by the edge of the axe and the force Dream put behind it. Fortunately the armor did enough to keep the blow from meeting the bone, but it was deep enough to force Tubbo to drop to a knee, eyes watering with the pain. His hands grasped around the outside of his upper leg, trying to roll away and get time to retrieve a potion.

Dream didn’t give him a chance. A forceful kick to his stomach left him gasping for air and sprawled on the ground, vulnerable. Vulnerable and helpless.

Useless.

Tubbo had tears springing to his eyes as he felt the blade of the battle axe rest against his neck. 

“Stop!!” Tommy shouted, fierce and afraid. Tubbo couldn’t turn his head, but he could see his friend in his periphery standing nearby, breathing heavily. 

“Oh, now you want to listen to me?” Dream was calm as ever, not even winded. Tubbo gritted his teeth as he silently pulled a healing potion from his belt, hoping he could be able to pour it on his leg without sitting up or alerting Dream. If Dream noticed, he didn’t let on, his attention was just on Tommy.

“I repeat my earlier question, what are you willing to lose today?” Tommy spat in response, glaring daggers. Dream only chuckled. “Is it L’Manburg? Is it your precious discs? Or is it your Tubbo?” 

“Don’t hurt him, don’t you dare fucking hurt him!” Tommy swore and snarled with all the ferociousness of a cornered wolf. Tubbo felt his heart leap to his throat, fear and pain mixing even as the healing potion started to do its work. 

“So not Tubbo then, good to know. Let’s take a little walk, alright?” Dream’s tone didn’t leave room for argument, Tubbo felt a vicelike grip close around his upper arm, then he was on his feet, threatening blade never straying from his throat. 

Tubbo tried to give Tommy a smile, a reassuring nod. 

It would be okay.

Even if Tubbo wasn’t… it could be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this update!!  
> I almost forgot to post it because I started writing a one-shot from lore today.... but I remembered!!! 
> 
> I love seeing responses, and I have the next chapter ready so I may post another early update this week, if not, then the next update will be on Sunday as usual.   
> Thank you for reading!  
> \--R&T


	25. Breathing isn't easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens this chapter...  
> Trust me, best just to read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So excited for this chapter..... stuff goes down
> 
> TW: anxiety, panic attacks, disassociation (mild), trauma and flashbacks, referenced abuse and manipulation, intrusive thoughts, violence, injury, blood.

“What is this?” 

Tommy stared openmouthed at the weird scaffolding that was cast over L’Manburg like a spiderweb weaved to catch its chosen prey. Dream walked along casually, letting out a light chuckle as he noticed Tommy’s expression. One arm still clutched Tubbo’s in a death grip, a reminder of the threat hanging over both their heads. Dream had switched weapons though, now casually keeping his other hand on the hilt of his sword, not even bothering to have the blade drawn. 

“I’m always a step ahead Tommy.” That was all the explanation Dream deemed necessary, drawing up short in front of a ladder that led up into the sky. Tubbo limped to a stop, leaning heavily against the structure, hand clasped to the wound that still oozed blood. “Bandage that up, I don’t want to have to carry you.” 

Dream gestured, giving Tommy tacit permission to go over to Tubbo. Tommy released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding when Tubbo grabbed his arm. 

“I’m alright, I got a potion on it.” Tubbo’s words were stiff with pain, and Tommy rolled his eyes despite himself at the obvious lie. He wordlessly started to unroll a bundle of bandages, carefully wrapping the injury as tightly as he dared. Tubbo hissed in pain, but otherwise didn’t respond. 

“Here, drink this.” Tommy handed over a regeneration potion, giving Dream a glance from the corner of his eye. The masked man just stood, still as a statue, as inscrutable as ever. Patiently waiting for them to finish so they could all go back to playing the pawns in whatever scheme he had planned. 

Tommy hated it. He hated everything about this. He hated himself for not being able to stop his hands from trembling as he finished tying off the bandage. Tubbo gently stopped him, grasping his hands in how own. 

“I’m here Tommy. It’ll be okay.” 

Tommy’s voice didn’t surpass a whisper, he didn’t want Dream to hear how he was feeling.

“I’m not so sure it will.” 

When Tommy looked up Tubbo had a slight smile on his face, forced, but still reassuring. 

“I’ll be right beside you Tommy, we’re together now.”

“Alright, you done?” Dream scuffed at the ground with his boot, impatience obviously getting the better of him. 

Tommy straightened and shot him a scowl, helping Tubbo regain his feet beside him. He opened his mouth to voice a protest, but suddenly Dream’s attention shifted entirely. Several pairs of footsteps ran up, and a familiar voice shouted before Tommy had the chance.

“You fucking here to destroy things Dream, you think you can just tell us that and we’ll stand by and let it happen?!” Tommy took a step around the pillar, almost laughing at how indignant big Q sounded. Beside him was Ranboo, the enderman hybrid looked like he would like to be literally anywhere else, but he was there. Quackity visibly jolted when he saw Tommy and Tubbo standing next to Dream.

“What—Tubbo? Tommy? So you two actually showed.” 

“I told you they would.” Dream spoke smoothly, not even remotely cowed by being outnumbered. “But my business is with them, so I suggest you just let us deal with it.” 

“If you think we are just going to walk away you’ve got another thing coming Dream.” Quackity, to his credit, didn’t let himself be dissuaded. He hefted his axe on his shoulder and glared at Dream, challenge obvious. Dream just shrugged, still kicking at the dirt. 

“Fine, go protect your country, Quackity.” Tommy heard a click, then the hiss of redstone signals rushing away from underfoot. Quackity opened his mouth, but was interrupted by a far off roar. Everyone turned, eyes tracing desperately to where Withers poured out of a newly opened doorway in a seemingly random rock wall, rising up and leaving destruction in their wake. 

“SHIT!!!” Quackity give Dream one last furtive glare before taking off, dragging a reluctant Ranboo along with him to kill the monsters that threatened their home. Tommy was left alone to confront the monster in front of him. 

No. Not alone. Tubbo stepped up to his side boldly, sword drawn. 

“Let us go help them.” Tubbo spoke it like an order. Everyone present knew it carried no weight. 

“No. I have so much more than a few withers to destroy L’Manburg with, if you actually want to negotiate its survival, then climb.” 

Tommy climbed. 

He climbed until they reached the top, a narrow pathway that connected to others, spreading like a net over L’Manburg beneath. At most junctions there was a device hanging, dispenses, wired with redstone—

“This way.” Dream spoke conversationally, leading the way towards one spot in particular. Tommy couldn’t help but be reminded of standing atop another tower, higher off the earth than this one was, feeling similarly hopeless. He followed behind complacently, his mind drifting until Dream pulled the group to a stop, turning around to face them in front of an innocuous looking lever.

“Alright Tommy, I’m going to give you a choice, and honestly I think it’s pretty generous.” Dream gestured proudly, silhouetted by the horizon behind him. “You can save L’Manburg, or you can destroy it. Flip this one little switch and it’ll all be gone.”

“Why the fuck would I ever do that?!” Tommy tried to build up the energy to properly shout, but he only managed to slightly raise his voice, old fears about upsetting Dream rising up faster than he could fight them.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to kill Tubbo.” Tommy gasped, reaching out to grip Tubbo’s hand automatically, feeling his friend stiffen. “That’s the deal Tommy, you running away on me has to have some consequences after all. But I’m not unfair. Really this is a good bargain, get rid of the person who hurt you the most, who betrayed you and lied to you, and you get to keep what your brother and you worked so hard to make.” 

Tommy didn’t want Dream’s words to make sense, they shouldn’t make sense. No, no Dream was the liar, Dream hurt and manipulated him. Tubbo exiled him—

Dream made him do it!

Tommy started to feel his breathing get faster and faster, he clutched both his hands to his chest, trying to calm himself enough to see straight because here he was, and Dream was in control, Dream was offering him a deal—

“No, no that’s not, no, Dream you can’t.” Tommy protested between gasping breaths, pleading and begging even as he hated the sound of his own voice. “Please Dream, please I’m sorry I ran away, this is my fault, don’t hurt L’Manburg or Tubbo—”

Dream cut him off, almost soothing in how easily he stepped forward to lay a hand on his shoulder. 

“You’re right Tommy, it is your fault. If you would’ve just listened to me, none of this would be happening.” 

“Shut up Dream! Tommy, don’t—” Tubbo’s voice was abruptly silenced, Tommy could hear the sounds of a scuffle, though they seemed so far away…

“I know Dream, I know, so let me make it right, okay? I can listen now.” 

Dream was standing in front of him once again, white mask filling Tommy’s tunneled vision entirely. 

“Okay Tommy. Put your things in the hole.” Dream indicated a gap between two walkways, tilting his head and nodding. “Just throw them down, all your armor, everything.” 

Tommy had unbuckled his chest plate before Dream finished speaking, already casting it aside and tossing it to the earth below. Dream nodded pleasantly, before walking off to Tommy’s side. When Tommy had finished, he turned to see Dream kneeling on Tubbo’s chest, holding him down while he disarmed him and removed the other boy’s armor as well. Tommy’s ears rang as Dream returned to stand in front of him, allowing Tubbo to scrabble to his feet and rush to his side. 

“Tommy, Tommy? Can you hear me? I’m here Tommy.” Tommy had thrown his things in a hole. Tommy was exiled and Dream was in control and—

“I’m here.” And Tubbo was here.

Tommy turned and clutched Tubbo to his chest, gasping for air as his friend tried to talk him through slowing his breathing. Eventually both boys sank to their knees, Tubbo unable to support Tommy’s weight for very long on his injured leg. 

“Tommy.” Dream slunk up next to them, stupid fucking snake of a man. “It’s not enough. You still have to lose something if you’re going to learn.” 

“Why can’t you just leave us the hell alone?” Tubbo sounded as tired as Tommy felt. Dream’s laugh was enough to spark new anger.

“That wouldn’t be any fun. Now listen Tommy, what will it be, L’Manburg, or Tubbo.” Tommy opened his mouth, but Tubbo beat him to the punch, gently untangling himself from Tommy’s grip.

“It’s okay Tommy, you should keep L’Manburg safe, alright?” Tubbo’s voice was soft and resigned, Tommy couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“No! No Tubbo, I’m not just—”

“Tommy, it’s fine. I’ve done enough. This way L’Manburg will live on. That’ll be nice.” Tubbo was smiling. He was fucking smiling! Tommy felt his eyes fill with tears, trying to hold back sobs and stay strong... Tubbo gently took his hand. “It’ll be okay. I don’t mind.” 

Tubbo’s eyes glistened as he held back his own tears, somehow staying calm, somehow not letting them fall. He was so resigned, so ready—

Tommy pulled him back into a hug despite his half-hearted protests and attempts to keep him away. He wasn’t letting Tubbo go that easily.

“All right, decision time Tommy.” Tommy didn’t hesitate for a moment in his response, he didn’t even have to consider it. 

“You’re not killing Tubbo.” 

“Really Tommy? Wow, I’m surprised.” Dream sounded genuinely confused. “You would rather destroy L’Manburg with your own hands then let someone who betrayed you die by another’s? You really are like Wilbur.” 

“Don’t you fucking dare bring him into this!” Tommy surged to his feet, walking over to the lever without any showmanship and flipping it before he could let himself think. Before he could let himself consider what Dream was saying. 

The effect was instantaneous. Tommy heard hissing as redstone signals zapped off in all directions, lighting up the web with patterns of light. He ignored it, turning his back on the lever to return to Tubbo’s side. 

Together both boys looked down, kneeling on the edge of oblivion, as the first explosives rained down from on high. They watched as the nation they had made, that they had fought for, was destroyed. They watched as their last good memories with their older brother melted away. 

All the while Dream laughed behind them, explosions and laughter were all they could hear as their world was destroyed. 

At least they were together.

* * *

Philza couldn’t remember ever having run this fast in his life. 

He was desperate to get to his sons, terrified that he could already be too late. His worst fears were realized when they neared L’Manburg and heard explosions, ringing out and echoing over the world. Technoblade crested the hill slightly ahead of him, then froze. 

Philza mirrored him, scanning the landscape ahead of them, heart in his throat. The first things he saw were withers, huge monsters flying about the city and destroying everything in their path. Philza could see figures running about, doing their best to kill the beasts that threatened them. They didn’t seem to be having much luck.

“Techno, take care of the withers.” Technoblade rushed off instantly, eyes turning ruddy as he focused on the bloody task at hand. Philza turned his attention elsewhere, desperately scanning for signs of his sons. Of most interest was a structure in the sky, something so odd and out of place that Phil couldn’t help but fixate on it. It was a good thing he did. 

He was able to notice when there was movement, and able to get out of the way as the first explosives fell from the sky. 

But it wasn’t the explosions that froze his heart with fear. No, it was what he saw in the brief moment before they fell, the three people atop the scaffolding. One in green, two huddled together on the ground.

He had to get up there.

Philza rushed to the nearest ladder with single-minded focus, ignoring the heat and force of the explosions that buffered him about, that destroyed the once-proud city in a single swoop. He ignored the pain as pieces of dirt and rock flew up and caught his arms, he ignored the ache as he climbed. 

He needed to get to his sons.

He was up on the platforms in a flash, running across them as he drew his crossbow, pulling up short when Dream turned to regard him. The two boys were kneeled at his feet, leaning over the edge to regard the destruction below. 

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THEM!!!” Philza roared, lifting the crossbow to his face and firing instantly. Dream lifted his shield in time to block the blow, but then he did something that forced Philza to pause in his attack.

Dream lifted one foot, and planted the heel firmly on the small of Tubbo’s back. 

“Hello Phil, how nice of you to join us. I suggest you drop your weapons now, or else I might be forced to do something unpleasant.” Philza could see Tubbo’s eyes widen, he could see how his hands gripped the platform he was kneeling on the edge of, knuckles and face growing pale. The distance between them and the ground was vastly increased now that explosions had torn the landscape beneath them. Philza had no false ideas that a fall from this height would be anything but fatal.

Tommy reached out for Tubbo, but was stopped by Dream slicing his sword through the space between them, separating the two boys. 

They were right on the edge. Kneeling and looking down, nowhere to go—

“I’ve got two of them Philza, don’t think I won’t do it.” Philza kept his crossbow up, pointed directly at Dream’s stupid mask.

He couldn’t surrender, Dream could still kill them, he could kill them all or take Tommy away again. If he dropped his weapons, he would be giving up any ability to defend them. But he didn’t know what—

“TUBBO!!!” Tommy screamed, feral and agonizing as Dream kicked out his boot, shoving Tubbo over the edge without so much as a warning. Tubbo let out a strangled shriek, cut off all too quickly by the other sounds that overwhelmed the senses. For an awful moment Philza was sure Tommy was going to follow Tubbo over, follow him down— But Dream prevented it. 

Tommy was yanked harshly back by the collar and pulled upright, Dream’s shield cast aside in favor of this living breathing one. The masked man held Tommy in front of him, sword tight to his throat.

“You should have dropped your weapons.” 

Philza screamed in rage and pain, a wordless wail that went unanswered in the roar of explosions.

His mind conjured an image unbidden, Tubbo’s body broken on the uneven stone beneath, still and lifeless—

He fought back tears, fought back anger and rage. Dream still had Tommy. Tommy was right here, he could save Tommy. He needed to save Tommy.

“Let him go Dream.” Philza ordered it, shifting, trying to get an angle of attack around Tommy’s body. 

Dream laughed. 

“No, you drop your weapons, or I’ll kill him too.” Philza hesitated. He needed to save Tommy, but if he dropped his weapons then—then Dream could take Tommy away again. He couldn’t let Dream take Tommy away again. 

“Dream.” Philza was surprised to hear Tommy speak, voice hollow and empty. “You’re not going to kill me Dream. You want control, you said it to yourself, to control everyone. Especially me, who always defied you. You can’t do that if I’m dead.” 

“Shut up Tommy, I’ll do what I have to do.” Philza could see a line of blood trickling down Tommy’s neck, but still the blond pushed on, still he spoke. 

“No you won’t. I know you, and you won’t kill me.” Tommy sighed, almost sadly. “Even if you would, I’m not going back to fucking exile!”

Tommy surged backwards, slamming his skull into Dream’s smug mask with enough force to send the taller man reeling backwards. Philza didn’t hesitate. He fired immediately, aim true, mind set on one goal. He needed to save the son he still could. 

Dream snarled as the arrow plunged through his sword arm, blade falling between the platforms and far below. Tommy dropped to the ground, hands grasped around his own head. Philza could see the cracks in Dream’s mask from here. He fired again.

Philza used the cracks in the mask as a target.

Dream stumbled, then the man was gone, toppled off the side of the spiderweb of his own making. Philza dropped his weapon. 

“Tommy, Tommy look at me.” The father kneeled before his son, carefully prying his hands away from his bleeding skull. 

“Phil, Phil please—” Tommy let the older blond pour a potion on his head before he pulled away, blue eyes desperate and sharp. “We need to find Tubbo.”

Philza nodded grimly, trying to summon some hope. Trying to imagine that by some miracle Tubbo could still be alive. His mind only provided an image of a broken body, far too still.

“We need to stop the explosives first, Techno is down there somewhere too.” Philza focused on the practical, letting the emotional shock roll over him like a wave, not letting himself think too hard about his family growing smaller yet again due to his own failures. 

Tommy led him to the switch, and then it was quiet. It was almost peaceful in the aftermath, the breeze blew gently across them as they half-climbed, half-slid down the nearest ladder. The earth beneath was ruined and tortured, picking their way across it safely was not an easy task. It was immediately apparent that Tommy wasn’t particularly worried about his safety. 

“Tubbo!!” Tommy screamed his best friend’s name desperately, keening for his brother to respond. “TUBBO!!!” 

Philza didn’t want his son to see… to find…

He had little hope that they would find anything good. It was just too high, to far of a fall. And now, beneath it, Philza could see just how jagged the ground was, all sharp stone and hard-packed earth. He forced out the thought of what a landing on this surface would do to someone. He couldn’t afford to think about it, not with Tommy screaming his best friend’s name as he sprinted across the wasteland. 

They were nearly to a spot Philza estimated to be below their position on the bridges, cresting a steep explosion-formed hill, when he finally spotted something. 

For a moment Philza was sure it was his horrible vision come true, the exact image in his mind realized in front of him. But it wasn’t Tubbo laying in the dirt—or it was—but it wasn’t just him. 

Philza rushed to his sons, quickly trying to ascertain what had happened while already pulling out potions and bandages. Technoblade lay amongst the rubble, bloody and beat, one arm twisted at a horrible angle. Only a meter away was Tubbo, small form still and bleeding, but possibly—maybe—

“He’s breathing…” Philza whispered the words like a prayer. Like saying them would make them stay true. 

Tommy crumpled over Tubbo, not daring to touch him, but desperately sobbing as he turned to Philza, his eyes begging for help. He didn’t need to ask. Philza was there, darting between both Tubbo and Technoblade, focusing all his attention on the younger boy when he was certain Techno wasn’t in immediate danger. 

Philza repeated a mantra in his mind. For his sake, for Tommy’s sake. 

For all their sakes.

Tubbo, please be okay. Be okay.

* * *

Tubbo felt himself pushed before he was prepared, before he was ready for the fall and long before he was ready for the sudden stop he knew would come at the bottom. 

Before he had been so calm, but now, knowing that Tommy valued him—

Tubbo didn’t want to die. 

His tumble through the air was cut short by something impacting him midair, grasping him and spinning to the side, slamming them both into the rugged slope. Slamming them into rock and stone and rubble. For a moment Tubbo felt warmth enclose him, but then his head impacted the earth and he felt nothing. 

Nothing at all

Tubbo was nothing

For a while

But then he was again. He was—safe? He was seeing, yes, seeing crème color near his face. And he was warm, he was warm and he could feel pressure around his arms, gentle and comforting. For a while Tubbo didn’t question it, just letting himself be held. But eventually his curiosity got the better of him. 

Tubbo pulled his head back to look up and was only slightly surprised to meet the brown eyes of the person holding him. 

“Ghostbur?” The gentle-eyed specter scoffed, shaking his head slightly.

“No, I don’t know where that fool has run off too, but it’s not him. It’s just your Wilbur.” 

Wilbur. Tubbo turned his head to look at where he was, but a gentle hand on his cheek stopped him. 

“Don’t look Tubbo, it’s better if you don’t look, okay?” Tubbo let himself be guided back to Wilbur’s chest, mind flowing languidly with a river of questions. 

“Am I dead?” The words were soft, nearly imperceptible, muffled into Wilbur’s shirt. Tubbo felt his brother’s chin drop to rest on the top of his head.

“No, no Tubbo, not yet at least.” 

“Then how…” 

“Always asking so many questions Tubbo.” Wilbur’s voice was vaguely mocking for a moment, then he seemed to grow more serious. “But I suppose answering them is the least I can do.” 

The idea that Wilbur wanted to make up for actions taken and wrongs done was palpable despite the lack of words expressing it.

“When someone is about to die, the barrier between words gets thin, in preparation for them passing over. So, I was able to come here, to meet you.” 

“Oh.” Tubbo murmured, dropping his head sadly. “What’s Ghostbur then?”

“Really Tubbo, you’re dying and that’s what’s important right now?” Wilbur chuckled, lightly running a hand through his hair. “Ghostbur is something that slipped through the wrong direction on the day I died. The veil was especially thin then, a lot more people could have died. Would have, if not for some very specific choices.” 

Tubbo pondered for a moment, noticing a glow that seemed to radiate around Wilbur, expanding from nowhere. 

“Why is he, you know, you?” 

Again Wilbur scoffed, seeming offended by the question.

“He isn’t. Just snatched some of my memories as a side effect. But he isn’t me.” Tubbo nodded, mind drifting. Wilbur gave him a light shake, carefully meeting his eyes. “It’s okay Tubbo. It’s safe and calm on the other side. I promise.” 

The words hung in the air but Tubbo was still thinking about something else, grasping threads and connecting dots. He pushed Wilbur away slightly, pursing his lips as he prepared his question.

“You said the barrier thinned, but only you died then.”

“Yeah…”

“So… by that logic… Do I have to die?” Tubbo saw a myriad of emotions run through his older brother’s face. Eventually it settled on pensive concern, eyes looking intently at something over Tubbo’s shoulder.

“I… Tubbo, listen. You can try to stay, but it’s going to hurt, it might be better to just relax and let what happens, happen.” Tubbo felt a burst of stubbornness rise in his chest, a commitment he had made, a promise to upkeep.

“I need to try. For Tommy. I promised I would stay with him.” 

For a moment the two ghostly brothers hung midair, measuring their resolve against each other, and that of the universe itself. Eventually Wilbur took Tubbo by the hand. He gave him a single nod.

“Okay. Come on then.” 

Tubbo turned to look at what was behind him. It was him, of course it was him. What else could he have expected? But he was hurt, he could see how much he was hurt even if the world had temporarily granted him a respite from feeling it. His head poured blood from a gaping gash, possibly his skull itself was fractured. One of his legs was wrong, and he could tell that his chest, his torso—

Some of the organs and structures inside were damaged, failing, or well on their way. 

Tubbo should have felt afraid or horrified, but Wilbur gave his hand a squeeze, guiding him forward.

“You have to look Tubbo, then breathe, breathe and keep breathing. Force yourself to do it, even though it hurts. Breathe.”

Tubbo felt his chest rise from the outside, but that wasn’t enough, he needed to really breathe. 

“I believe in you Tubbo.” Wilbur guided Tubbo back inside his body, then he felt it. He felt the pain and wrongness, he felt how his lungs shifted as he drew air, he felt the inside of his throat flare in pain with each mouthful of oxygen that passed through it. “I’m sorry Tubbo. For everything.” 

Wilbur’s voice didn’t leave him, Tubbo couldn’t feel him anymore, but he knew he was there. 

“Tell Tommy that—that I’m sorry too. Tell him I don’t deserve forgiveness, but I know what I did was wrong.” Tubbo gasped another breath, forcing his diaphragm to move downward, to pull the air into his body. Wilbur was right, it hurt, it hurt so badly. “I know you can deliver my message Tubbo, I know you can.” 

Tubbo’s existence was breathing and pain. He thought of Tommy, he thought of Tommy’s scream when he fell, he thought of Tommy destroying L’Manburg to save him without a second thought, he thought of old times playing at the home, he thought of happy times and sad, he thought of his brother and best friend. 

And Tubbo breathed.

Tubbo breathed for him. 

Wilbur was there, reminding him to take the next breath when he faltered, supporting him with words since that was all he had. 

“They’re here Tubbo, they’re here now.” Wilbur sounded hopeful, Tubbo took another breath. 

“They’re giving you a potion, you need to swallow it, you can do it. Good job Tubbo, come on!” Tubbo took another breath.

Tubbo was so tired, everything hurt, he kept forgetting why he was fighting. Why couldn’t he just let himself rest? 

“Tubbo! Stay with me big man, please stay with me.” The voice wasn’t Wilbur’s. Tubbo couldn’t open his eyes, but he was aware of Tommy’s pleading. Tubbo took another breath.

“You need to stay awake enough to breathe until I’m gone Tubbo, then you can rest, that will mean the barrier has closed and you are safe.” Tubbo heard Wilbur’s instructions alongside Tommy’s desperate cries. 

He took another breath.

“Tubbo please, don’t leave me, I can’t be alone Tubbo. Stay with me like you promised, please.” Tommy’s begging was intermixed with sobs. Tubbo took another breath to fulfill a promise. 

It felt like an eternity before breathing got easier, before the pain started to even slightly subside. When it did, Wilbur started to fade away with it. 

“I’m amazed at you Tubbo. Amazed and proud. Of both of you.” 

Wilbur was gone, Tubbo was exhausted—

Tommy clutched his hand, sobs starting to subside. 

Tubbo let himself rest. He kept breathing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think!!?!?!??   
> I have been hyped for posting this chapter since I wrote it! Lots of emotions and actions...  
> Hmmmmmm also.... Ghostbur isn't Wilbur? :)))  
> Dream got heckin yeeted as well, Philza was uhhh having a time...  
> Oh, and side note, I did SO MUCH research to insure that the fall was actually survivable with Techno's intervention (exactly what he did will be revealed later) and I hate math.... so much math.....
> 
> So much happened in this one, I would LOVE to see people's reactions if you feel like leaving a comment <3  
> Thank you so much for reading, and know this story is far from over.  
> \--R&T

**Author's Note:**

> I was just inspired by stuffs today.  
> If you enjoyed I have a MUCH longer AU series going on as well:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/27675115/chapters/67725643
> 
> Just in case you are interested!!!  
> <3--R&T


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